Quotessence
Home / Quotes / Quote by Santosh Kalwar

Quote by Santosh Kalwar

Work

The Royal Regiment

Browse quotes and source details for this work. more

Author

Santosh Kalwar

Browse famous quotes and profile details for Santosh Kalwar. more

You May Also Like

“Even while your are triggered, you can take a moment, or twenty, and access your Wise Adult self, the part of you that can stop, think, observe, and choose. Disharmony is to your relationship as pain to your physical body. It's a signal that something is wrong, that someone needs to get their hand off the stove. Our prefrontal cortex can process that signal and choose what to do about it. On the other hand, you and me consciousness knows just what to do in times of disharmony: (1) wrap yourself in rightness, (2) attempt to control your partner, (3) give vent to every emotion and infraction, (4) retaliate, (5) shut down - or some combination of all five of these losing strategies.”

LoveRelationshipsMarriagePsychologyCouple Therapy
Book:Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship
Create image

“First, repair is not a two-way street. Almost everyone gets this wrong. When you are faced with an upset partner, this is not your turn. This is not a dialogue. Liz doesn't air all her grievances as an invitation for Phil to then air his. You must take turns. Repair goes in one direction. When your partner is in a state of disrepair, your only job is to help them get back into harmony with you, to deal with their upset, and to support them in reconnecting.”

LoveRelationshipsMarriagePsychologyCouple Therapy
Book:Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship
Create image

“When you're dissatisfied with an aspect of your relationship, it is critical that you say something rather than sweep it aside. But there's a difference between speaking the way most of us do in this culture and speaking in a manner that might actually get you heard. You can start by pulling your accusatory finger away from your partner's face. ... Stay on your side of the street. Don't accuse them - talk about yourself. Not "Liz, you're avoidant," but rather, "Liz, I don't feel met.”

LoveRelationshipsMarriagePsychologyConflictCouple Therapy
Book:Us: Getting Past You and Me to Build a More Loving Relationship
Create image