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When Veins Ignite: Either Integration or Degradation

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Abhijit Naskar

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“My Seclusion Just like, I remember the- Fireflies at night, they all carry their- own light in flight. They fly higher and higher until they are out of sight. They are never in fear of the darkness because they carry their light. They constantly have hope, and it shines brightly. The firefly flies by, unlike me there are never shy. I am lying outside on the grounds a few feet from my home, yet I am still feeling all alone, listening to all the sounds of the night as they moan. I look at the full moon, knowing that I will be back in hell soon, seeing all the faces at lunch at noon. Wondering what is going to happen on my vacation in the upcoming summer in the months like in June. I lie on the cold hard ground outside looking up with the stars in the sky, remembering all the days flashing that have gone by, seeing all the faces that never even say hi, remembering the terror from the wandering eyes. (Right now) My head is pounding just like the thunder and lightning, the evil faces streaks crossed my face, with every bolt of lightning. This takes me back to when I was a little girl; I hope that the pink suspended feathers sweep them away in the white webs. So, I can have a sunny day on all these rainy days that seem to never end, I just do not have much to say. I am not safe anywhere… the voices haunt me as they do. However, I just have an overwhelming urge to cry, all night and watch movies by myself. Like, I have done, these last two years of my high school life. Is anything going to change? Why must I live like this? Why do I keep living? Why can I not just pass on? I look out my window, and sometimes it takes me back to when I was young. Some days I look out the window and the skies are scarlet, and that reminds me that I should be out doing things with people of my age. The summer has come and gone, and the school days have started with no one to see me, or even ask if I was alive. No one cares! Is the plan going to work? I have no idea at this point, yet I keep trying!”

Sadness
Book:Nevaeh The Lusting Sapphire Blue Eyes
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“It is like another five years of my life have passed, and it is as if I blacked out, because I cannot remember them, and I do not know why, yet maybe I do? I was there but my mind was elsewhere. I think about the past and relieve it while reliving it instead of being the mom, which I need and needed to be. I do not know where I was, where I have been, I was lost in my own body! Spinning- spinning- spinning around to the point of insanity, or so it seemed. Maybe my depression got the best of me? Maybe I was healing myself from the past; maybe, I do not know anything, and yet know it all. In those five years she became a teenager, when did that happen? She has hips and a chest. Plus, she wears more make-up than I do? When…! How…! What? Where have I been? Yeah, Jaylynn is a young lady, and I can see she is having the same dreadful existence in her life as I did when I was a young woman. Yes, I do see that, sad to say. It is interesting to watch children grow up in front of your eyes, I never knew how difficult, letting go could be. I remember when Jaylynn started to read. I remember when she went through the change to become a woman and we had that talk, little did I know she did not need it.”

SadnessWorried
Book:Nevaeh The Cursed
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“it would have made things a lot easier if we understood there was no way of living that can immunize you against sadness. And that sadness is intrinsically part of the fabric of happiness. You can’t have one without the other. Of course, they come in different degrees and quantities. But there is no life where you can be in a state of sheer happiness for ever. And imagining there is just breeds more unhappiness in the life you’re in.”

HappinessSadnessHappy Sad
Book:The Midnight Library
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