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Guillermo Jimenez

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“Our certitude and vehemence in political argument are way out of proportion to our knowledge...In politics, everybody is always very sure that they are right. But they simply can't be. When the Democrats and Republicans take opposed positions, they can't both be right. Thus, on any critical policy debate, about half the electorate and politicians are completely wrong, yet are blithely and majestically assured that they are right.”

“The conflict between left and right in modern republics is a sort of perpetual-motion mechanism and negative spiral at the same time. When we support political parties, it is regrettable more than just a matter of adopting certain political beliefs. We are also expected to agree that our party's beliefs are better than those held by the other party. Feelings of hostility and superiority are an inevitable byproduct of partisan competition. The media encourages representatives of both sides to vent their emotions, because this sells newspapers and boosts ratings. When we hear that other disagree viscerally with us, we tend to return the feeling of emotional dislike.”

“The biggest cost of our innate group-bias is that it sustains America's two-party duopoly. The Democrats exploit hostility toward Republicans in order to monopolize liberals. Republicans exploit hatred of liberals to monopolize conservatives. Americans become like like the citizens of two, parallel Soviet states, with most voters turning out at every election to vote for the same party they did in the previous election. Consequently, our Congressional incumbents are re-elected at the Soviet-style rate of 98%,”

“The next person who kicks or hits him gets banned from all betting. You will be blackballed for the rest of your shriveled lives. Now back off.’ Amazingly, they all back off. Everyone else might reject the locust victims, but I guess the twins don’t discriminate in their betting pools. Dee looks just as surprised as I am. He glances over at his brother. ‘Dude, we’re the new HBO.’ He flashes a grin.”

“Hey, I saw your mom. Told her your sister was in the grove and that you’d be going there in a minute too.’ ‘Thanks. Does she seem all right?’ ‘She was pretty excited. Gave me a hug and a kiss,’ says Dum. ‘Really?’ I ask. ‘Do you know how long it’s been since she’s given me a hug and a kiss?’ ‘Well, yeah, a lot of women find that they can’t resist my charms. They’re all over me for any excuse they can find.’ He takes a swig of pee-green Gatorade as if he thought that was sexy.”