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Quote by Michaela Haze

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The Bleeders

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Michaela Haze

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“I am so lost in the lost road , I chose this on my own , I emptied all that I had , All that I have left within , is emptiness - a void that refuses to fill. How can I be alone in a room ,filled with a million souls ? How can I stay hungry after feeding hundreds of homes ? How ? Is this the pain of letting go and raising towards transcendence - Where I leave all my worldly pleasures and seek union with the One ? -Or is it a bout of lucidity , that I am all by myself , carrying on , paying for the sins of others and living "BUT" for myself.... -an everyday stagmata where the pain is so numb, that the the body ceases to exist ?”

“To those who in their turn selectively handle Mormon history and discourage our probing it in a number of areas, one needs to say (or at least to ask): Haven’t we been, if anything, overly cautious, overly mistrustful, overly condescending to a membership and a public who are far more perceptive and discerning than we often give them credit for? Haven’t we, in our care not to offend a soul or cause anyone the least misunderstanding, too much deprived such individuals of needful occasions for personal growth and more in-depth life-probing experience? In our neurotic cautiousness, our fear of venturing, haven’t we often settled for an all-too-shallow and confining common denominator that insults the very Intelligence we presume to glorify and is also dishonest because, deep down, we all know better (to the extent that we do)? Isn’t our intervention often too arbitrary, reflecting the hasty, uninformed reaction of only one or a couple of influential objectors? Don’t we in the process too severely and needlessly test the loyalty and respect of and lose credibility with many more than we imagine? Isn’t there a tendency among us, bred by the fear of displeasing, to avoid healthy self-disclosure—public or private—and to pretend about ourselves to ourselves and others? Doesn’t this in turn breed loneliness and make us, more than it should, strangers to each other? And when we are too calculating, too self-conscious, too mistrustful, too prescriptive, and too regimental about our roots and about one another’s aesthetic, intellectual, and spiritual life, aren’t we self-defeating?”

“Betty realized that when it came to relationships with other human beings, she would always feel alone. And yet there was this place – this small special place inside of her – a place where quiet beauty was embraced, a place where memories became fantasies and where fantasies became memories. Like a pebble, Betty could lose herself within this place, this opulent ocean, and yet even if the water were to one day reject her too, even if it were to cast her back up onto its shores, she knew that she would catch the light of the sun again.”

“لقد كنت الناجي الوحيد من شعب منقرض وهو يطأ أرضاً جديدة، كنت كقادم من زمن آخر، مسافر كوني، أو حتى كائن من كوكب آخر هبط على الأرض، وفضلاً عن ذلك كنت مجرداً من كلّ القوى. شعرتُ بالتيه لكأنّي أحد الإسرائيليين في سيناء، ولكنها كانت غابة خضراء هذه المرة.”