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Ryan Benz

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“I imagined the experience being similar to going your whole life believing you had perfect vision, then suddenly learning a new color, one that brought meaning to every other hue. How would I describe that? How would I convince former “me” of the importance? The more I thought about it, the less confident I was that I could, but the more convinced I was that I should try—not to the former me, of course, but to everyone.”

“The first was a touch unsettling, but before long it was more therapeutic than scary, listening to the soft thunder rolling through the hills and valleys around you. There was a connectedness to nature that the storm brought, almost like a deep voice singing to you as you lay in your tent.”

“Defeat, my Defeat, my solitude and my aloofness; You are dearer to me than a thousand triumphs, And sweeter to my heart than all world-glory. Defeat, my Defeat, my self-knowledge and my defiance, Through you I know that I am yet young and swift of foot And not to be trapped by withering laurels. And in you I have found aloneness And the joy of being shunned and scorned. Defeat, my Defeat, my shining sword and shield, In your eyes I have read That to be enthroned is to be enslaved, And to be understood is to be leveled down, And to be grasped is but to reach one’s fullness And like a ripe fruit to fall and be consumed. Defeat, my Defeat, my bold companion, You shall hear my songs and my cries and my silences, And none but you shall speak to me of the beating of wings, And urging of seas, And of mountains that burn in the night, And you alone shall climb my steep and rocky soul. Defeat, my Defeat, my deathless courage, You and I shall laugh together with the storm, And together we shall dig graves for all that die in us, And we shall stand in the sun with a will, And we shall be dangerous.”