“A snapshot memory, circa 1955:
I'm draped over Dad's shoulder, bouncing along in time with his stride. It's a hot day and we're strolling through a fairground. Beside us, Verna clings to Mom's hand. A cob of corn has slipped from my sweaty clutches, and I'm shrieking at full lung capacity to have it retrieved. Bobbing over Dad's shoulder, I can see that tasty morsel - sticky with grit, no doubt - receding into the distance, and I'm furious.
My parents, facing the other direction, are oblivious to my rising howls of protest. Big sister ignores me. Curious onlookers wander by, but I'm not at all self-conscious. I want that cob of corn, and I want it now! Nothing else matters...
I learned soon enough that my parents would never react to my verbal outbursts unless they were facing me. If they couldn't see my face, it didn't count. I'm not sure when that realization dawned, but I know it was early. I recall, as a small child, running into another room to tug on Mom's arm. I knew instinctively that shouting would be useless.
From my infancy, the deaf-hearing dynamic shaped every part of our mother-child communication. Specifics elude me; I only knew that I understood her, and she understood me. Most likely, we used a blend of speaking, signs, and gestures. If I had to describe it, I'd call it mother-talk, that intimate connection that happens between mothers and their offspring. You know how they just understand each other? Well, that's how it was, with us.
Excerpt from Patricia Conrad's Gentle into the Darkness, p. 68”
Source: Gentle into the Darkness: A Deaf Mother's Journey into Alzheimer's
“I Understand Mom
The fog wraps around her mind
bits and pieces of tattered thought
become blank within her eyes
minutes ago is gone, the sadness inside.
Reaching for a wonderful memory
that was just an hour ago
you fight so hard to bring it back
until you finally let it go.
I’m sorry, I don’t remember
as the tears reach her face
tears roll down a beautiful smile
while your days are being erased.
I understand Mom; I’m here for you
there’s blessings at our door
God is here, He will guide us through
with His love and so much more.”
“My life changed in a single moment and became two distinct segments, before October 2018 and after. Alzheimer’s permeates every facet of my life.”
“I'm in awe of people who deal with Alzheimer's, because they have to deal with death 10 times over, year after year.”
Source: Healing Your Grieving Heart When Someone You Care About Has Alzheimer's: 100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends, and Caregivers (Healing Your Grieving Heart series) by Wolfelt PhD CT, Alan D., Duvall MD, Kirby J. (2011) Paperback
“When someone you love has dementia, you too experience a form of anticipatory grief, but yours may extend over a longer period of time (for some, as long as 20 years) and be socially unrecognized and surrounded by uncertainty.”
Source: Healing Your Grieving Heart When Someone You Care About Has Alzheimer's: 100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends, and Caregivers (Healing Your Grieving Heart series) by Wolfelt PhD CT, Alan D., Duvall MD, Kirby J. (2011) Paperback
“It feels like a thief in slow motion, stealing the man I knew one memory at a time.”
Source: Purgatory
“In 2017, The Journal Stroke, released a bombshell paper that revealed the risk for stroke, Alzheimer’s, & dementia in general among people who drank artificially sweetened drinks. What they found was quite remarkable. Participants who drank 1 or more artificially sweetened drinks per day had almost 3x the risk of stroke & 3x the risk of Alzheimer’s disease. Within the context of uric acid specifically; here’s what to keep in mind. It’s important to avoid anything that interferes with your body’s ability to break down & filter toxins & that includes sugar substitutes.”
Source: Drop Acid: The Surprising New Science of Uric Acid?The Key to Losing Weight, Controlling Blood Sugar, and Achieving Extraordinary Health, Hardcover
“Of all the things to lose, to lose one's mind? Let them take a leg or a lung; let them take anything before they take that. Before you become "poor Rosemary" or "poor Frank," catching the last glimpses of the sun and seeing them for what they were. Before there were no more trips, no more games, no more Murder Clubs. Before there was no more you.”
Source: The Thursday Murder Club
“Without the aid of the visual cues of the person she talked to, conversations on the phone often baffled her. Words sometimes ran together, abrupt changes in topic were difficult for her to anticipate and follow, and her comprehension suffered. Although writing presented its own set of problems, she could keep them hidden from discovery because she wasn't restricted to real-time responding.”
Source: Still Alice
“Leave me a smile
the memory of one hour
the taste of a kiss
the warmth of a touch
I had dreaded silently
in the cold of the nights
your words of goodbye
and loss of memories.”