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BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm presents: Two Ducks Brawling Is A Pre-Pillow Fight

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Jarod Kintz

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“Mr. Cuddleswithbubbles just asked me if I could make a soapy duck soup that’s scented like a Boxcar Willie song, to capture that classic 1991 Branson nostalgia. I’ll try, but I’m not sure if I have that much cactus extract.”

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“We leave so much in time behind us. Old worlds, glasses full of whiskey & wine & memories. As children we dreamed of being, becoming. In this twilight we merely dream and sometimes wish for the magnificence of lost moments & days. How could it be that we once lived through these times and never realized that these were the sacred days of magic? Now all we have left are songs & photographs wherein our present being attempts to discover it's own rebirth. Therefore, 'to be' is the only answer.”

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“Sometimes storms surround us, and the discordant sounds of our circumstances are so loud that they drown out the music. But deep inside us is a song that can rise from God's presence in our life. Even when the storm rages, our response can echo the melody of freedom within us.”

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“I will remember how you ignored me when I needed you the most. How you avoided my calls, my messages, my silence as if my pain was too heavy for you to notice. I won’t hold a grudge, but I will remember the emptiness your absence created because that’s when I learned who truly cares and who only stays when it’s easy. Some lessons don’t come with anger, they come with distance. And this one taught me never to expect presence from those who disappear when it matters most.”

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“Now Mrs. Retallack wondered how the effects of what she called "intellectual mathematically sophisticated music of both East and West" would appeal to plants. As program director for the American Guild of Organists, she chose choral preludes from Johann Sebastian Bach's Orgelbuchlein and the classical strains of the sitar, a less-com­ plicated Hindustani version of the south Indian veena, played by Ravi Shankar, the Bengali Brahmin. The plants gave positive evidence of liking Bach, since they leaned an unprecedented thirty-five degrees toward the preludes. But even this affirmation was far exceeded by their reaction to Shankar: in their straining to reach the source of the classical Indian music they bent more than halfway to the horizontal, at angles in excess of sixty degrees, the nearest one almost embracing the speaker. In order not to be swayed by her own special taste for the classical music of both hemispheres Mrs. Retallack, at the behest of hundreds of young people, followed Bach and Shankar with trials of folk and "country-western" music. Her plants seemed to produce no more reac­tion than those in the silent chamber. Perplexed, Mrs. Retallack could only ask: "Were the plants in complete harmony with this kind of earthy music or didn't they care one way or the other?" Jazz caused her a real surprise. When her plants heard recordings as varied as Duke Ellington's "Soul Call" and two discs by Louis Arm­ strong, 5 5 percent of the plants leaned fifteen to twenty degrees toward the speaker, and growth was more abundant than in the silent chamber. Mrs. Retallack also determined that these different musical styles markedly affected the evaporation rate of distilled water inside the chambers. From full beakers, fourteen to seventeen milliliters evapo­rated over a given time period in the silent chambers, twenty to twenty­ five milliliters vaporized under the influence of Bach, Shankar, and jazz; but, with rock, the disappearance was fifty-five to fifty-nine milliliters.”

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