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Quote by Bill Vaughn

“America is a land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy - and wont cross the street to vote in a national election.”

Quote by Bill Vaughn

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“Sometimes I regret going into that public toilet with your father.’ ‘Then practice safe sex, Mama!!’ ‘We were! There was a fight in the bar and we took cover in the public toilets!!”

Book:Living Dead Lovers

Source: Living Dead Lovers

“La vie c’est comme la bicyclette : quand on arrête de pédaler on tombe.”

Humour French Vie Einstein Philosophie Bicyclette

Author:Albert Einstein

“Do not demean yourself by stating the ridiculous," Grimalkin replied smoothly. Just because my species is vastly superior does not mean you should flaunt your idiocy freely. I know why you are here, dog." "Really", Puck called, craning his head to look up at the cat. "Well then, would you like to share your theory, furball?”

Humour Iron Fey Series

Book:The Iron Knight

Source: The Iron Knight

“I just wanted to write to tell you that I have been happy during these months together, that I have never been so happy, and that I already know I will never be so happy again.”

Love Happiness Memories Despair

Book:Lie With Me

Source: Lie With Me

“I have notes in my bathroom, yellow notes, and I stick 'em on the mirror, things that happened that were uplifting boosters for me. Notes that say, "Today is special, make today count." And then I have one note on the mirror in the middle that says, "Look at the other notes.”

Humour Notes Bathroom Mirror Sticky Notes

Author:Burt Bacharach

“You remind me of an old cat I once had. Whenever he killed a mouse he would bring it into the drawing-room and lay it affectionately at my feet. I would reject the corpse with horror and turn him out, but back he would come with his loathsome gift. I simply couldn’t make him understand that he was not doing me a kindness. He thought highly of his mouse and it was beyond him to realize that I did not want it. You are just the same with your chivalry. It’s very kind of you to keep offering me your dead mouse; but honestly I have no use for it. I won’t take favors just because I happen to be a female.”

Humor Feminism Humour Suffragette

Book:Something Fresh

Source: Something Fresh

“They say that maths is a language. So how do I order a pizza with extra cheese in maths?”

Language Humour Maths

Author:Greg Curtis

“I have been seeing dragons again. Last night, hunched on a beaver dam, one held a body like a badly held cocktail; his tail, keeping the beat of a waltz, sent a morse of ripples to my canoe. They are not richly bright but muted like dawns or the vague sheen on a fly's wing. Their old flesh drags in folds as they drop into grey pools, strain behind a tree. Finally the others saw one today, trapped, tangled in our badminton net. The minute eyes shuddered deep in the creased face while his throat, strangely fierce, stretched to release an extinct burning inside: pathetic loud whispers as four of us and the excited spaniel surrounded him.”

Humour Magic Realism Domestic Life Mythical Beasts

Book:The Dainty Monsters

Source: The Dainty Monsters

“Fred said, “Man, I think he’s gonna make a fuckin’ suit of human skin, using the best parts from each of us.” “Holy crap,” said John. “He’ll be gorgeous.”

Book:John Dies at the End

Source: John Dies at the End

“I find that when people laugh it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that they hadn't considered. That's my payoff. I'm not interested in other people thinking differently. I don't care. I'm just like yeast - I eat sugar and I shit alcohol. And there's a huge culture that goes with that. Alcohol creates massive shifts in world history, and it changes people's lives. People get pregnant because of alcohol. But the yeast doesn't give a fuck. The yeast isn't going, "I really want to help people loosen up and bring passion into Irish people's lives".”

Author:Louis C. K.