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Running in Silence: My Drive for Perfection and the Eating Disorder That Fed It

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Rachael Rose Steil

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“And so, as if signing up for some new religion or entering into some cult, I indoctrinated myself as a member—I was and would be, Anorexic. I carried shame around this decision for a long time. As if in the choosing, I wasn’t qualified for actual sickness. That because I chose Anorexia, it was not a disease I fell ill to. That because I decided to stop eating, it was my fault, my responsibility, and a disgrace to the real people suffering from Eating Disorders that I even considered myself to be one of them. So even in my illness, I allowed myself to believe I wasn’t ill. I convinced myself it was temporary—a two-week free trial that I would cancel before getting charged. I would use and absorb the skills of Anorexic-others, then get out as soon as I’d reached my ideal weight. This, I later learned, was a lie my Eating Disorder would tell me for the rest of my life.”

Eating DisordersAnorexiaEating DisorderAnorexicBinge Eating Disorder
Book:Where the River Flows: A memoir of loss, love & life with an Eating Disorder
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“As time went on, the line between my Eating Disorder and my self became so blurred that I could not see my Eating Disorder as something separate from me. I lost touch of what it felt like or looked like to eat “normally.” I didn’t know what hunger felt like—because I only knew what hunger felt like. I didn’t know what feeling satisfied felt like, because I only knew what full beyond physical comfort felt like. I had no idea what other people ate or didn’t eat, how often or when, how much or in what combination. My body became such a confusing place to live inside, and I often didn’t recognize it as my own.”

Eating DisordersEating DisorderAnorexia NervosaAnorexicBinge Eating Disorder
Book:Where the River Flows: A memoir of loss, love & life with an Eating Disorder
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“En dat was precies de vruchtbare bodem die mijn eetstoornis nodig had om zich te beginnen ontwikkelen. Ik was extreem onzeker, had ernstig trauma doorstaan, vergeleek mezelf continu met mijn klasgenoten, had last van een verlammende mate van perfectionisme, had gaandeweg een intense zelfhaat ontwikkeld en walgde van mijn eigen lichaam. Niet lang daarna begon ik mijn lunch op school weg te gooien. Weer wat later stak ik voor de eerste keer mijn vinger in mijn keel. En zo evolueerde mijn eetprobleem tot een eetstoornis, die elke dag een beetje meer grip op me kreeg.”

AnorexiaEating DisorderEdBinge Eating DisorderEetstoornisEetgestoordHoofdzakenMentale GezondheidPsychische GezondheidBoulimia
Author:Charlotte Simons
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“Personal data is the new wealth, and protecting it is not an option, it is a necessity. Cybersecurity begins with awareness.” “In the digital world, a stronger password is not just a key, it is the first line of defense against threats.” “Learning about cybersecurity is not as complicated as it seems, it is your way to take control of your privacy.” “Digital security is not just a technique, it is a daily habit.”

EducationBeginnersDigital AwarenessDigital Securityالأمن السيبرانيData ProtectionتكنولوجياPrivacyعلم المعلومات
Author:أوايل أوايل أوازاني
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