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Quote by Kilroy J. Oldster

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Dead Toad Scrolls

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Kilroy J. Oldster

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“Finally, I found that as a result of my abusive childhood I had developed the ability to deny my feeling, intuitive self. As a child this ability kept me alive. I was powerless, small & inexperienced. It was critical that I behave according to expectations--that I not resist my father's violence, that I cast my eyes downward in a posture of guilt, & that I accept my elders' view of reality...My childhood patterns fed into the mounting abuse--it did NOT cause it. This pattern does not make me responsible for Amy's violent & abusive behavior.”

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“Though I was sure she’d never noticed it, I had spent my whole life doing what I could to protect her. I didn’t know if she could survive without me. I didn’t know who I would be if she no longer needed me to stand guard.”

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“It felt like someone had waved a magic wand over my life, wiping out the mother I had known before. I wasn’t sure which one was the dream – the person she had been when Dad was living with us, or the one she was now.”

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