“Now, once again, we find ourselves facing rising gas prices, and the question is: This time, are we going to learn from the past? Are we finally going to get serious about energy conservation? Of course not! We have the brains of mealworms! So we need to get more oil somehow. As far as I can figure, there's only one practical way to do this. That's right: We need to clone more dinosaurs. We have the technology, as was shown in two blockbuster scientific movies, Jurassic Park and Jurassic Park Returns with Exactly the Same Plot. Once we have the dinosaurs, all we need is an asteroid.” WayNeedsI CanTwoPastCoursesEnergyBrainTechnologyFiguresSeriousReturnOilPracticalsParksRisingGasPlotConservationDinosaursAsteroidsBlockbusterLearn From The PastGas PricesJurassic ParkEnergy Conservation Author:Dave Barry
“Remembering that Eratosthenes of Cyrene, employing mathematical theories and geometrical methods, discovered from the course of the sun, the shadows cast by an equinoctial gnomon, and the inclination of the heaven that the circumference of the earth is two hundred and fifty-two thousand stadia, that is, thirty-one million five hundred thousand paces.” TwoEarthRememberCoursesHeavenMillionsSunFiveTheoryThousandHundredShadowMethodCastsMathematicalThirtyFiftyPaceInclinationEmploying Author:Marcus Vitruvius Pollio
“There are two styles of walls "opus reticulatum," now used by everybody and the ancient style called "opus incertum." Of these, the reticulatum looks better, but its construction makes it likely to crack. On the other hand, in the opus incertum, the rubble lying in courses and imbricated, makes a wall which though not beautiful, is stronger.” LooksTwoHandsBeautifulUsedLyingCoursesStyleWallStrongerAncientCracksConstructionRubble Author:Marcus Vitruvius Pollio
“Leave a cavity behind the [wall] facings, and on the inside build walls two feet thick, made of red dimension stone or burnt brick or lava in courses, and then bind them to the fronts by means of iron clamps and lead. The beds and builds, all settling equally and bonded at the joints, will not let the work bulge out, nor allow the fall of the face walls which have been tightly fastened together.” MeanHas BeensMadeTwoTogetherFacesFallCoursesBehindsFeetFrontsWallBedRedStonesSettlingDimensionsIronThickBricksJointsLava Author:Marcus Vitruvius Pollio
“Each civilization may choose one of two roads to travel, that is, either fret itself to death, or pet itself to death. And in the course of doing one or the other, it eats its way into the Universe, turning cinders and flinders of stars into toilet seats, pegs, gears, cigarette holders and pillowcases, and it does this because, unable to fathom the Universe, it seeks to change that Fathomlessness into Something Fathomable.” WayMayDoeTwoUniverseCoursesStarsCivilizationSeatsPetCigaretteToiletsGearsFathomPegTwo RoadsToilet SeatPillowcases Author:Stanislaw Lem