“People are being really picky about the upcoming election. I read that Americans do not want the next president to be a first-term senator, be over 65, or have a former president in the family. Then the Secret Service said, 'Hey, whoever slips through slips through. No promises.'” PeopleWantFirstsSaidNextPresidentTermSecretPromiseElectionHeyFormerSlipsBeing RealSenatorsPickySecret Service Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Hey, Barack Obama had to give up his Blackberry. He's the first wired president. ... He might have to give his Blackberry because of security reasons. Because they're easy to hack into. In fact, when Obama heard he might have to give it up, he said, 'OMG! WTF?' I mean, he couldn't believe it.” GivingFirstsBelieveMeanSaidReasonFactsMightEasyPresidentHeardSecurityGiving UpHeyBarackHacksBlackberries Author:Jay Leno
“Governor Gray Davis has asked the California state Supreme Court to delay the October recall vote because he says that's not enough time to put on a fair election. Hey, let me tell you something. If we didn't need a fair election to pick the president of the United States, we don't need a fair election to pick the governor of California.” IfsNeedsStatesEnoughPresidentUnitedUnited StatesPicksFairsVoteLet MeElectionCourtSupremeHeyCaliforniaGrayGovernorsRecallsSupreme CourtDelayOctoberEnough TimeNot Enough Time Author:Jay Leno
“Donald Trump announced that he's running for president. During his speech he told the crowd that if elected he would be 'the greatest jobs president that God ever created.' Then God said, 'Hey, don't drag me into this publicity stunt.'” IfsSaidWould BeRunningJobsPresidentTrumpSpeechCrowdsHeyDragPublicity Author:Jimmy Fallon
“Newly released transcripts reveal that President Nixon was drunk during the Arab-Israeli crisis of 1973. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'Hey, so was I!'” SaidPresidentCrisisHearingDrunkHeyIsraeliPresident BushPresident Nixon Author:Conan O'Brien
“John Kerry said today he wants to debate President Bush once a month. Hey good luck, if Bush couldn't make it to the National Guard once a month, he's not going to show up for this.” IfsWantSaidShowsTodayPresidentMonthsLuckDebateHeyGood LuckPresident BushJohn KerryNational Guard Author:Jay Leno
“In a new poll 54 percent believed President Bush exaggerated the size of Iraq's missile threat. Hey, he's a guy.” GuyPresidentPercentThreatSizeIraqHeyPollsPresident BushMissilesExaggerated Author:Craig Kilborn