Best John Kerry Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“President George W. Bush won reelection in 2004 largely because he was seen as comfortable in his own skin, while rival John Kerry was viewed as a flip-flopping opportunist.”

President Comfortable Skins Rivals Flip John Kerry Opportunist President George W Bush Reelection Flopping

Author:Ron Fournier

“On a day when Osama bin Laden again threatened the United States and our allies, it is disturbing to realize that John Kerry neither recognizes nor understands the murderous ideology of our enemies and the threat they pose to our nation.”

States Nations Realizing United Enemy United States Threat Ideology Allies Threatened Disturbing Bin Laden Osama Bin Laden John Kerry

Author:Marc Racicot

“He spent more time on the road to Damascus than a Syrian camel driver. And we thought nobody could fill John Kerry's flip-flops! ... [Romney's record was] anything but conservative until he changed all the light bulbs in his chandelier in time to run for President.”

Light Running President Records Changed Republican Conservative Drivers More Time Romney Flip Camels John Kerry Bulbs Light Bulb Flip Flops Chandeliers

Author:Mike Huckabee

“John Kerry couldn't even order a Philly cheesesteak properly.”

Order John Kerry

Author:Rich Lowry

“I told John Kerry and General Allen, the Americans’ expert, ‘We live here, I live here, I know what we need to ensure the security of Israel’s people.’”

People Knows Needs Security Israel Experts John Kerry

Author:Benjamin Netanyahu

“John Kerry's newfound interest in fiscal discipline is a political gimmick that defies his 20-year record in the Senate and stands in stark contrast to his reckless and expansive promises of new government spending on the campaign trail.”

Years Government Political Interest Records Discipline Promise Spending Campaigns Senate Contrast Trails Reckless Starks John Kerry Government Spending Gimmicks New Government

Author:Steve Schmidt

“Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made a Djibouti call.”

Made States Use Today Nations Term Officials Secretary Diplomatic John Kerry

Author:Conan O'Brien

“Kerry is saying that Bush never showed up for his national guard duty ... and now Bush is on the attack. He's accusing John Kerry of ducking time in the national guard by hiding out in the jungles of Vietnam.”

Duty Hiding Vietnam Jungle John Kerry Accusing National Guard Hiding Out

Author:Jay Leno

“Political experts are saying the reason John Kerry is doing so well is because he's 'electable.' Hey, so was Al Gore - in fact, he even got elected and it didn't help him at all.”

Wells Reason Facts Helping Political Hey Experts Als Gore John Kerry

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry had surgery on his right shoulder this week to repair some damage. It was pretty bad, he had no feeling. It was almost like he was a Republican.”

Feelings Week Republican Shoulders Damage Surgery John Kerry

Author:David Letterman

“A Newsweek poll said if the election were held today, John Kerry would beat Bush 49 percent to 46 percent. And today, President Bush called Newsweek magazine a threat to world peace.”

Ifs World Said Today President Beats Percent Election Threat Magazines Polls President Bush John Kerry

Author:Jay Leno

“In 2004, I joined my father, John Kerry, on the trail in his bid for the United States presidency.”

States Father United United States Presidency Trails John Kerry

Book:Notes from the Trail: Presidential Politics from the Inside Out

Source: Notes from the Trail: Presidential Politics from the Inside Out

“John Kerry has apologized for saying those who do not study hard and do their homework will get stuck in Iraq. Now, those that do not campaign well and are boring will end up stuck in the Senate.”

Wells Ends Hard Study Iraq Boring Campaigns Stuck Senate Homework John Kerry

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry made a joke about Bush being a moron, and now Bush wants morons to think it was a joke was about the troops. ... Now, John Kerry has apologized. He said he made a botched joke and admitted that he has a joking problem. He has checked into an improv group and revealed that as a child, he was molested by a clown.”

Thinking Want Children Made Said Problem Groups Jokes Troops Clown Moron John Kerry

Author:Bill Maher

“How about this John Kerry controversy? So he's out there in California, tells some kind of joke and it backfires. He's saying he botched the joke. ... This guy can lose elections he's not even in.”

Kind Guy Loses Jokes Election California This Guy Controversy John Kerry Backfire

Author:David Letterman

“Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making jokes and stick to boring people.”

People Results Trouble Jokes Sticks Soldier Boring Senators John Kerry Uneducated

Author:Conan O'Brien

“John Kerry now getting slammed by the Republicans because of a botched joke he did about President Bush and Iraq in a recent speech. Kerry was stunned about this. He said, 'What? People are listening to my speeches?'”

People Said President Listening Republican Speech Jokes Iraq President Bush John Kerry Stunned

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry went duck hunting and he's doing that to fulfill his campaign pledge to hunt down the ducks and kill them wherever they are! Kerry did pretty well; he came back with four ducks and three Purple Hearts.”

Wells Heart Three Four Campaigns Hunting Ducks Hunts Purple Pledge John Kerry Duck Hunting Purple Heart

Author:David Letterman

“John Kerry went hunting today. He said he killed a goose. He didn't bring Teresa along because he was a little rusty and he was afraid he might kill the goose that laid the golden egg.”

Littles Said Might Today Golden Eggs Hunting Geese John Kerry Teresa Golden Eggs

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry says the 'W' in George W. Bush stands for 'Wrong.' But he still can't explain what John Kerry stands for.”

Stills John Kerry

Author:David Letterman

“John Kerry keeping a low profile this week. He said he wanted to get away and go someplace where no one would expect to see him. So I guess he showed up at his old seat in the Senate. Nobody's going to look for him there.”

Looks Said Wanted Week Lows Seats Get Away Senate Profile John Kerry

Author:Jay Leno

“Have you folks been following the controversy with John Kerry and his service in Vietnam and the Swift Boat campaign? It all took place in Vietnam and now it just won't go away. I was thinking about this - if John Kerry had just ducked the war like everybody else he wouldn't have this trouble.”

Ifs Thinking War Trouble Folks Following Campaigns Boat Going Away Vietnam Controversy John Kerry

Author:David Letterman

“You see the pictures in the paper today of John Kerry windsurfing? He's at his home in Nantucket this week, doing his favorite thing, windsurfing. Even his hobby depends on which way the wind blows.”

Way Home Today Week Wind Depends Paper Blow Hobbies Favorites Things John Kerry Nantucket

Author:Jay Leno

“The latest issue of GQ magazine, John Kerry talks about what a man should look for in a woman. GQ? If John Kerry is going to talk about what he likes in a woman, shouldn't it be in Fortune or Money magazine?”

Ifs Men Should Looks Issues Fortune Likes Magazines John Kerry

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry told Tom Ridge he was too busy to receive a Homeland Security briefing. I thought that was odd, since you're not supposed to ignore terrorist threats until after you become president.”

President Security Threat Busy Terrorist Odd Toms Too Busy Homeland John Kerry Ridges Homeland Security Briefing

Author:David Letterman

“There was an embarrassing moment at a recent Democratic fundraiser. When John Kerry was handed a $10 million dollar check, he said, 'I do.'”

Said Moments Millions Dollars Democratic Checks Embarrassing Million Dollars John Kerry Fundraiser Embarrassing Moment

Author:Craig Kilborn

“'Shrek 2' made over $120 million during its first week. In a related story, John Kerry asked Shrek to marry him.”

Firsts Made Stories Millions Week Related John Kerry

Author:Conan O'Brien

“John Kerry suspended his campaign for five days this week in honor of President Reagan. And right now, he's ahead in the polls. How's that make him feel? Disappears for a week and he's up in the polls. What else can he do now but go into hiding.”

Feels President Five Week Honor Right Now Disappear Campaigns Hiding Polls Suspended John Kerry President Reagan

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry met with Ralph Nader last week. Both sides of every issue were discussed. And then, Nader spoke.”

Lasts Sides Issues Week Mets Spokes Both Sides John Kerry

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry and Ralph Nader met face-to-face, it was a historic meeting. Astronomers said today their meeting actually created what is called a 'charisma black hole.'”

Said Today Faces Black Mets Meetings Holes Historic Face To Face Charisma John Kerry Astronomers Black Hole

Author:Jay Leno

“The campaign for the White House is heating up with John Kerry taking heat for throwing his Vietnam medals away, getting a $1000 haircut, and wearing a 1970s wig known as 'the Leno.' There are really two sides to this story. And America can't wait for Kerry to present both of them.”

Two Stories America House Waiting Sides White Known Campaigns Heat White House Throwing Vietnam Medal Two Sides Haircuts Wigs John Kerry Heating Heating Up

Author:David Letterman

“President Bush said John Kerry is on both sides of every issue. And Kerry replied, 'No, I'm not ... but there is some truth to that.'”

Said Sides President Issues Both Sides President Bush John Kerry

Author:Craig Kilborn

“John Kerry spent the day reading to preschoolers ... and the kids said Kerry actually lacked warmth and failed to articulate a clear message.”

Said Kids Reading Clear Messages Warmth John Kerry

Author:David Letterman

“Courtney Love said she once escorted Kerry to a concert. John Kerry once went out with Courtney Love and he's questioning Bush's judgment.”

Said Judgment Concerts Questioning John Kerry Courtney

Author:Jay Leno

“Lot of people wondering if John Kerry supports gay marriages. Here's a hint ... he gets $1,000 haircuts.”

People Ifs Wonder Support Gay Gay Marriage Hints Haircuts John Kerry Support Gay Marriage

Author:Craig Kilborn

“John Kerry announced his plan for how to handle those poor naked prisoners. His wife is going to buy them all a $1,000 Armani suit.”

Poor Wife Plans Handle Naked Suits Prisoner John Kerry Armani

Author:Craig Kilborn

“President Bush listed his income as $822,000. You know what John Kerry calls someone who earns $822,000? Not even worth dating.”

Knows President Dating Income President Bush John Kerry

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry fell off of his bicycle over the weekend. He went for a Sunday afternoon ride, fell off in front of the news media. Luckily, his hair broke the fall so it's not as serious. ... Thankfully, Senator Kerry was not seriously injured. In fact, when the police arrived, Kerry was well enough to give conflicting reports to the officers about what happened.”

Giving Wells Enough Facts Fall Happened Media Fronts Serious Hair News Police Broke Reports Sunday Officers Afternoon Weekend Senators Injured Bicycle John Kerry News Media Sunday Afternoons

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry's wife Teresa Heinz is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week and they said that if he is elected president, she will be the oldest first lady in American history. But that doesn't bother John Kerry, he said, 'To me, she looks like a million bucks'”

Ifs Firsts Looks Said President Millions Wife Week Magazines Bother American History They Said Bucks First Lady John Kerry Teresa

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry reportedly flew in his private hairdresser before his "Meet the Press" interview for a total cost of $1,000. That's $1,000 for a haircut, which sounds like a lot, but have you seen the size of Kerry's head.”

Sound Cost Presses Size Interviews Flew Haircuts John Kerry Hairdresser

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry accused President Bush of catering to the rich. You know, as opposed to John Kerry who just marries them.”

Knows President Rich Accused President Bush John Kerry Catering

Author:Jay Leno

“They say John Kerry is the first Democratic presidential candidate in history to raise $50 million in a three-month period. Actually, that's nothing. He once raised $500 million with two words: 'I do.'”

Firsts Two Three Millions Months Periods Raises Democratic Raised Presidential Candidates Three Months John Kerry Presidential Candidate

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry will undergo surgery to repair his right shoulder. He originally hurt it when he suddenly switched positions on Iraq.”

Hurt Position Iraq Shoulders Surgery John Kerry

Author:Craig Kilborn

“Today, John Kerry announced a fool-proof plan to wipe out the $500B deficit. John Kerry has a plan, he's going to put it on his wife's Gold Card.”

Today Wife Plans Fool Gold Proof Cards Deficit Wipe John Kerry Fool Proof

Author:Craig Kilborn

“The Secret Service has announced it is doubling its protection for John Kerry. You can understand why - with two positions on every issue, he has twice as many people mad at him.”

People Two Secret Issues Position Mad Protection John Kerry Secret Service Mad At Him

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry says that foreign leaders want him to be president, but that he can't name the foreign leaders. That's all right, President Bush can't name them either.”

Want Names President Leader President Bush Want Him John Kerry

Author:David Letterman

“This is so weird. I saw the new John Kerry campaign commercial and he says, 'I'm John Kerry and I approve of this message - if I have one.'”

Ifs Saws Messages Campaigns John Kerry

Author:Craig Kilborn

“John Kerry is busy trying to raise money right now for his campaign. It was reported today that Kerry's hoping to raise $80 million before the Democratic convention. That's a lot of money. Yeah, Kerry has two ways to raise the $80 million: soliciting Democratic donors and going through his wife's purse.”

Way Trying Two Today Millions Wife Right Now Raises Yeah Democratic Busy Campaigns Conventions Lots Of Money Two Ways Purses John Kerry Donors

Author:Conan O'Brien

“John Kerry described his Republican critics as 'the most crooked, lying group I've ever seen.' Now, that's saying something, because Kerry's both a lawyer and a politician.”

Lying Groups Politician Republican Critics Lawyer Crooked John Kerry

Author:Jay Leno

“John Kerry says that he wants to debate President Bush once a month until the election. This could be a risky move for Senator Kerry. If Bush doesn't show up for the debates, John Kerry may end up debating an empty chair. And that could be pretty much a toss up as to which one has the better personality.”

Ifs Want May Ends Shows Moving President Months Personality Empty Election Debate Chairs Senators President Bush Better Person Toss John Kerry

Author:Jay Leno

John Kerry Quotes

Related topics

John Kerry Quotes