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“what is love? what was love for me? it was when I believed I was the happiest person on earth if I had only him and nothing else it was when I looked at him and felt a pain in my chest over how I would find anything more beautiful it was when I started writing cause what he made me feel was so intense it couldn't just remain in my thoughts it was pain, a feeling that emptied out my chest and ate me alive knowing just because I love you, it didn't entitle me to have you. My love for you was like an ocean slowly drowning me and I was clinging to the last piece of driftwood that was my hope.”

“every time I long for you, I promise myself it's the last, I wish I could love myself the way I love you unconditionally. overlooking ever negative, repeating small gestures over and over in my head to get high from that nervous feeling how do I manage to remember every little instance between us when I can't even remember to eat how did you become so important that I'm willing to give up my dreams to support you in following yours. I'm turning into a fool hanging onto the last thread of hope believing it to be love.”

“I realized you took away the one thing that truly belonged to me. my emotions used to belong to me. I guess I should thank you for Stripping away my guilt, my empathy, and my ability to feel for others. Maybe thank you for teaching me how to manipulate, to never let emotions be weaponized against me. Is it a good or a bad thing? To never love? To find & hate? To be numb? To pretend to feel? To be able to use emotions against others. There are so many instances where I sit down and just wish with everything inside that I could feel something except anger, just wish for a single tear so I can let out the pain.”