“Alice Miller writes that the child who suppresses his own feelings in order to accomodate a parent has been, in a sense, abandoned. 'Later, when these feelings of being deserted begin to emerge in the analysis of the adult, they are accompanied by such intensity of pain and despair that it is quite clear that these people could not have survived so much pain. That would only have been possible in an empathic, attentive environment, and this they lacked. [as quoted by Alice Miller]' She also says that the mother who requires accommodation from her child is just trying to get what her own mother refused her.” MothersAbandonment Book:Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama Source: Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama
“Maybe the mother manages to be a mirror only part of the time. In such 'tantalizing' cases, some babies learn to withdraw their own needs when the mother's are evident.” AttachmentMothersMirror Book:Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama Source: Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama
“I guess I felt like I'd failed her [by throwing up]. She had so many demands on her...The one thing she needed from me was that I not need anything from her [Bechdel's mother].” NeedsFailureMothers Book:Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama Source: Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama
“But, Jocelyn, if I really were all those things [good, kind, talented, hard working, open to change, and adorable]... ...I would die.' I wasn't sure what I meant by this, but it suddenly struck me as the truth. 'Because you'd rather die than feel anger at your mother for not giving you what you needed?” NeedsAngerMothers Book:Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama Source: Are You My Mother?: A Comic Drama
