“I'll always write about what's going on in my life and the reason for that is it's not actually because I'm so fascinated with myself, it's because I can't think. I can't think like have thoughts in my head and think them through and come to a conclusion. It's like math for me.” ThinkingWritingI CanReasonMathConclusionFascinatedBecause I Can Author:Augusten Burroughs
“I never could have written the screenplay because I would have been forced to learn new software and I can't learn one more thing.” Has BeensI CanWrittenSoftwareScreenplays Author:Augusten Burroughs
“I thought, I can't do advertising any more, so I was downloading all these PDF applications from community colleges. And I thought, I'll become a paramedic. I'll get a two-year associate degree, if I can get in.” IfsYearsI CanTwoCommunityCollegeDegreesAdvertisingTwo YearsApplicationAssociatesCommunity CollegeParamedics Author:Augusten Burroughs
“Maybe it was a Patty Hearst thing. Stockholm syndrome or whatever it's called when you're being held against your will but then you become sucked in and fall in love. Or if not exactly love, you fall into something you can't see out of. 'I can't shoot a machine gun' becomes 'Hey, this hardly has any kick-back!” IfsI CanFallLove YouGunMachinesFalling In LoveHeyKicksSyndromesMachine GunsStockholmStockholm Syndrome Book:Running With Scissors Source: Running With Scissors
“The reason I know what we are to each other is because we fight freely and almost constantly, about even the smallest thing. In fact, once we didn't speak for an entire week because he didn't like the way I loaded his dishwasher...I can't decide if we're exact opposites, or somehow exactly the same except for minor cosmetic differences. I do know that all of his friends hate me and all of my friends hate him. We drive each other crazy in ways that nobody else can even touch. We never bore each other. And we both realize what a rare thing this is.” IfsKnowsWayI CanReasonFactsHateFightingSpeakRealizingDifferencesWeekCrazyMy FriendsOppositesBoresMinorsSmallestLoadedHate MeCosmeticsHate HimRare ThingsDishwashers Author:Augusten Burroughs
“It’s a wonder I’m even alive. Sometimes I think that. I think that I can’t believe I haven’t killed myself. But there’s something in me that just keeps going on. I think it has something to do with tomorrow, that there is always one, and that everything can change when it comes.” ThinkingBelieveI CanSometimesWonderAliveHavensTomorrowKeep Going Book:Running with Scissors: A Memoir Source: Running with Scissors: A Memoir
“I sit there and think how it isn't fair that I can't drink at all, even a little. I realize I have crammed an entire lifetime of moderate drinking into a decade of hard-core drinking and that is why. I blew my wad.” ThinkingLittlesI CanHardRealizingDrinkFairsDrinkingLifetimeDecadesCoreModeratesHard Core Book:Dry: A Memoir Source: Dry: A Memoir
“I can't tell you how much I love Target and Costco, that kind of culture, because it's something I never felt a part of. I've always felt like a tourist because I have never fit in anywhere.” KindI CanCultureFeltFitTargetTouristsTourismCostco Author:Augusten Burroughs
“But I can also write in crappy motel rooms, while standing in line, or sitting in the dentist's chair.” WritingI CanLinesRoomsSittingStandingChairsDentistStanding AloneMotelsStanding In Line Author:Augusten Burroughs
