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Famous Caroline Kepnes Quotes

“This is why people like writing. You visit old friends without having to go on Facebook and see what they're up to and deal with what idiots call FOMO. You make them into what you want them to be, the people they could be if only they were braver, smarter.”

Writing Friends Social Media Satire Facebook Social Commentary Caroline Kepnes Hidden Bodies

Book:Hidden Bodies

Source: Hidden Bodies

“Captain Dave is a salt-and-pepper guy who looks older than forty-six. He doesn't have kids of his own. Some people are born to be uncles and Captain Dave is that kind of people. He's also a recovering alcoholic who's obsessed with what everyone else is drinking at all times. Life is hard for some people.”

Character Humor Description Satire Social Commentary Caroline Kepnes Hidden Bodies

Book:Hidden Bodies

Source: Hidden Bodies

“Detective Carr sits in his chair. In a way I think it would be terrible to live in LA devoid of aspirations. How would you do it? How would you put up with the traffic and the monotony of the sun, the way people use the word hella and lie so freely? How could you stand it here if you weren't striving for something better? Oh that's right; he liked The Wolf of Wall Street. He aspires to take someone down like me, a serial killer. But he chose the wrong guy. I am done with all that. And I will not let my past dictate my future.”

Humor Satire Los Angeles Serial Killer Social Commentary Allusion Caroline Kepnes Hidden Bodies The Wolf Of Wall Street

Book:Hidden Bodies

Source: Hidden Bodies

“Hollywood, where the rich don't have to pay for anything.”

Rich Hollywood Social Commentary Caroline Kepnes Hidden Bodies

Book:Hidden Bodies

Source: Hidden Bodies

“It's the little things that make you want to kill someone, the way Milo drinks Diet Dr Pepper and ties his Jewfro in a bun and lifts his shirt to show off his stomach and wipes his glasses down even though they're not dirty. Yes, Milo got glasses, and seafoam green Topsiders, and a navy blue Polo-style shirt with a popped collar, and didn't I already kill this guy when he was schilling Home Soda and fucking Guinevere Beck?”

Humor Satire You Hipster Social Commentary Caroline Kepnes Hidden Bodies Preppy

Book:Hidden Bodies

Source: Hidden Bodies

“I bet he got picked on but what they don't tell you about bullying is that sometimes, the kid deserves it.”

Bullying Social Commentary Caroline Kepnes Hidden Bodies

Book:Hidden Bodies

Source: Hidden Bodies

“The song "Born in the U.S.A." comes on and he groans. "I hate Bruce Springsteen," he says. "Can we do something about this? Goddamn whiny Democrat, we get it. You're from New Jersey and you think it's cool to be poor. Just fuck off already.”

Humor Satire Social Commentary Caroline Kepnes Hidden Bodies

Book:Hidden Bodies

Source: Hidden Bodies

“When I pull Amy's extra-long body into an infinity pool and make it look like an accident—dare to dream!—I will be okay because I will have become a Facebook guy, a normal dude. We live in an era where people who don't have 4,355 friends are considered nefarious, as if socially entrenched citizens aren't also capable of murder. I need friends so that when Amy disappears, my friends can roll their eyes at the idea of handsome, gregarious Joe killing someone. I can't be that guy who 'keeps to himself." That's too in-line with the dated but pervasive stereotype of a 'killer' reinforced by biased TV 'news' shows no matter how many happy-go-lucky husbands go and murder their wives. We all want to fear single people. It's endemic. It's American.”

Humor America Social Media Satire Facebook Social Commentary Murderers Caroline Kepnes Hidden Bodies

Book:Hidden Bodies

Source: Hidden Bodies

“Everyone in this building is sleeping; Angelenos need beauty sleep. They need energy to make storyboards for web series and hike and talk about movies they'll never make and walk their dogs that hate them.”

Humor Satire Los Angeles Social Commentary Caroline Kepnes Hidden Bodies

Book:Hidden Bodies

Source: Hidden Bodies

“Dope guac," says some asshole, and I pick up a Dorito and shove it into the guac. There is nothing remarkable about this guac, about any guac, and California needs to calm the fuck down. They're just avocados. Guac is guac and while sometimes it's slimy and disgusting, it's never delicious.”

Humor California Satire Social Commentary Caroline Kepnes Hidden Bodies

Book:Hidden Bodies

Source: Hidden Bodies

“At the counter, a different waitress flirts with an aspiring writer who's probably been trying to fuck her and finish his screenplay for months. He asks for a side of guac and she tells him that it's two dollars extra. That's how it works here. The guy who deserves free guac doesn't get free guac.”

Satire Unfair Social Commentary Caroline Kepnes Hidden Bodies

Book:Hidden Bodies

Source: Hidden Bodies

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