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Famous Charlie Bynar Quotes

“What do you mean? I don’t understand,” Hazel asked, wiping her tears. “Why couldn’t he apologize? All he had to do was say he was sorry and stop drinking. It’s not that difficult! But he did neither; he just abandoned me and all you kids.” “It’s harder than you think because we’re talking about two different kinds of apologies; one stems from guilt and the other from shame. Let me explain. Suppose I accidentally spilled coffee on Ethel’s favorite tablecloth. I’d immediately apologize for my mistake and wash it to make sure it didn’t leave a stain,” Shane said. “This type of apology is simple because it only draws into question a single accident. I’m guilty only of making a mistake. But things get much more complicated when an apology draws into question someone’s self-worth. Then we’re talking about shame—the feeling that I am bad rather than I did something bad.”

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“People who do the worst things often don’t apologize, because it requires them to face their actions, which causes them to question their self-worth. To avoid that, they turn a blind eye to their actions and superficially prop themselves up by blaming others because if they face their actions, their low selfworth places them on thin ice. The fear of falling through and drowning in profound shame and self-loathing causes them to deflect their responsibility out of self-preservation. It’s easier to blame others or abandon the situation altogether than face their actions.”

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“I’m not sure I understand,” Hazel said, holding back her anger. “You’re saying I’m supposed to forgive him even though he never said he was sorry?” “Yes, not out of respect for him, but out of respect for yourself. Don’t let any person or situation make you into someone you don’t want to be!”

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“I’m not sure I understand,” Hazel said, holding back her anger. “You’re saying I’m supposed to forgive him even though he never said he was sorry?” “Yes, not out of respect for him, but out of respect for yourself. Don’t let any person or situation make you into someone you don’t want to be!” Shane said. “Hasn’t he taken enough from you already? Let him carry the burden of his actions when he crosses over. . . . They’re not yours to carry, and holding on to them only robs you of your happiness. If you can forgive him, knowing he will own his actions during his life review when he crosses over, it will set you free from the heavy burden of being judge and jury.”

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“Charlie took her phone from her back pocket. She opened the 2009 report “Many Americans Mix Multiple Faiths” by the Pew Research Center, scrolled two-thirds of the way down the page, and showed it to Chris. It read: “Roughly three in ten Americans (29%) say they have felt in touch with someone who has died.” “I would have never guessed that,” Chris exclaimed. “That’s almost one in three people who say they’ve been in contact with someone dead!” “I was surprised too,” Charlie said. “And a man named Peter Fenwick, a neuropsychologist and former senior lecturer at King’s College who’s known for his near-death studies, says that deathbed visitors are common and usually involve first-degree relatives or spouses. He also said deathbed visions echo the person’s ‘cultural background’ and have been reported throughout history. What really surprised me was that he thinks the brain is a filter . . . that it filters out the greater whole, leaving only a tiny piece of what we refer to as our world and everything in it. And at the time of death, your consciousness separates from your brain, no longer needing the filter, and you merge with the cosmos—the whole—and become aware of all that is, was, and ever will be.”

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“All we need to worry about is reining our own horse, knowing others will be responsible if they find themselves waist-high in cockleburs. You can’t make people do the right thing. Sometimes, they need to get caught up in the cockleburs to learn their lessons.”

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“What Mrs. Wilson failed to understand was that the silver lining she offered was not the life buoy she intended it to be. Her words were rather like asking a drowning man if he wanted a ham and cheese sandwich—it was the last thing a drowning man needed.”

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“The woman pushed her toddler in a stroller as her young daughter, dressed in a red-and-white checkered dress, ran ahead to the mailboxes. Her ponytail, tied with a red ribbon, swayed from side to side. The young woman put her mail in the stroller’s pocket, then turned around and headed back the way they’d come. They looked so lovely that it made Charlie feel sad.”

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“One of my exit points could have been then, but I couldn’t do that to my mom, so I lived on borrowed time as long as I could for her sake. But by the time I was sixteen, my time was running out, and honestly, I was ready to go because my life was very difficult,” Isaac said. “Still, I was very worried about my mom.”

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“I’m glad he asked for forgiveness before he passed. It seems there are two sides to that coin: asking for forgiveness and forgiving someone who has wronged you. And even though our dad waited until he was on his deathbed before asking to be forgiven for the terrible things he did to us when we were growing up, I was grateful he acknowledged his trespasses. It allowed me to let go of my hate and forgive him. Like weeds, hate is easy to grow and difficult to get rid of, and it’s also a heavy burden to carry. Until I let it go, I didn’t realize how holding on to my hate had weighed me down and caused me great suffering.”

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“When we judge someone, we don’t see them for who they are. We see them as we’ve imagined them through our lens of judgment. It’s a false image of who they really are, and if we only look for the bad in someone, that’s what we’re likely to find.”

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“It may seem impossible to forgive him for these hideous crimes, but it’s easier if we separate the criminal and the crime. We can forgive the criminal and still hold him accountable for his crime.”

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“Sometimes people wait their entire life to find the courage to ask for forgiveness, but it’s never too late. Doing so helps us resolve our guilt toward the person we hurt, and it also helps resolve our misgivings toward those who hurt us. If we do that, the misgivings and guilt won’t follow us when we cross over,” Shane said. “And forgiving ourselves makes it easier to forgive others because when we refuse to forgive ourselves, we also refuse to forgive others—it’s two sides of the same coin.”

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“It seems that we’ve all been wrongfully judged, and every time it’s happened to me, I’ve thought that if the other person only took the time to understand the situation from my perspective, they would no longer judge me the same way. Unfortunately, I’ve also wrongfully judged others,” Hazel admitted, regret in her eyes. “It’s easy to throw judgment at someone who’s struggling down a difficult path, but walking that road is altogether a different thing.”

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“You know, the ego is very insecure. . . . It uses judgment as armor to protect itself. The ego judges others to shield itself from its own insecurities, which are based on fear. The ego, needing to be special, feeds on constant approval and needs enemies in order to be superior—it raises itself up by putting others down. . . . In other words, by judging others,” Ethel explained, gathering the ingredients for piecrust. “People have a never-ending fear-based dialogue with their egos, which is a source of much unhappiness. They’re afraid of not being good enough, being wrong, not being in control, losing their possessions, being shamed, being judged, not being smart enough, being ugly, being rejected, being destitute, being old and alone. And ultimately, they’re afraid of dying.”

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“First, and most importantly, a person must recognize their opponents: ego, fear, and judgment. Otherwise, those opponents remain in control. But once a person is aware of their opponents, they can disengage and step aside. Simply acknowledging these behaviors sets them off-balance and facilitates their fall.”

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“People prefer things to be finite. Not having answers makes people uncomfortable, and this leads them to fill in the gaps in their knowledge with speculations, which can be dangerous and deadly. Science is a much better path.”

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“Many things—especially the nonphysical—can’t be measured or understood through science. Take the unseen forces of guilt and shame. You can’t measure them, but they can drive people to destruction. The same is true about love. You can’t put your finger on it, but it can cause people to move mountains.”

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“When you have a gut feeling about something, don’t dismiss it. The first thirty seconds is your intuition, but then your rational brain kicks in and tries to override it. You must try to remember this and trust your gut feeling—your intuition.”

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