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Different, Not Less: A Neurodivergent's Guide to Embracing Your True Self and Finding Your Happily Ever After

Book by Chloé Hayden · 25 quotes · Neurodivergence, Autism, Autism Acceptance

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Different, Not Less: A Neurodivergent's Guide to Embracing Your True Self and Finding Your Happily Ever After Quotes

“If we continue to feed a society that doesn't value individuality and human beings as they are, we begin to destroy them.”

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Book:Different, Not Less: A Neurodivergent's Guide to Embracing Your True Self and Finding Your Happily Ever After
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“What I learned is that it does not matter what you do, or where you go, schools are all organised around the same basic system. It's a system that will never work for a neurodivergent person, no matter how hard they try, because it's entire foundation is built against us.”

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“However, it's not fair that the only options we currently have for children like me is to either have their parents give over their lives to homeschooling, or to suffer in an environment where every ounce of them is riduculed, ripped apart or forced to changed.”

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“We are socialized to hide key parts of our identity to avoid being seen as too bossy, too much, too little, or too [insert misogynistic term that only applies to women]. Women learn to be more reserved, shy and quiet in order to be the picture-perfect face of femininity and to avoid abuse and misogyny.”

WomenAutismMisogynyNeurodivergenceNeurodivergent WomenAutism In WomenAutistic WomenNeurodivergence In Women
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“We are expected to function, to go on with our lives, to carry on and repeat the exact same behaviours that got us into this rainbow-loading screen in the first place because 'everyone else can--so suck it up!' And we'll fall. And we'll crash. And we'll keep on crashing. We'll crash again and again and again as we're forced into these scenarios to be washed, rinsed, repeated and spat back out again. Until we can't anymore. Our bodies can only take so much, and after too long of too much, we can't continue anymore. We go into safe mode.”

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“Some people are better at hiding their differences, or society is better at embracing them. But just because society believes something, doesn't mean it's true, or that we don't have the power to change it. Because the thing is, different isn't a bad thing. I no longer care for society's opinions and have learned that we have the choice on what and whose opinions and views matter to us. (Hint: a culture created for the benefit of abled, typical, heteronormative, Caucasian, upper-class men will never be a culture that benefits me, so why should I allow it to matter to me?) I no longer fear the eyes of others, or feel that someone's judgment is my own personal problem, or is representative of who I am. I've taught myself that my mind, my differences, and my identity are valid, and important, and hold value. I've come to this realisation after years of being taught otherwise.”

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“Society assumes that eventually we'll fade into an acceptance of what we should be, that we'll silence ourselves into a submission of the ideologies and expectations we've been taught. Divergent thoughts, ideas and emotions are pushed aside with the idea that eventually we'll learn to simply conform. We're taught that if a child thinks or acts out of the norm, don't worry, because they'll soon change their ways. Society often accepts difference in children, but it's not 'acceptance' so much as it is a confidence that those differences will fade.”

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“My body is no longer available for the diet industry to profit off. I've got better things to do than fit into unrealistic standards of beauty so the already rich can make more money from my self-doubt.”

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“Your life is exciting. Discovering your identity is exciting. And you should be in no rush to figure out this huge puzzle all at once; there's no time limit, no award for the first and the fastest. Take the time you need to discover and accept who you are, to discover what your story is. Give yourself the freedom to explore, to learn, to simply be in your own time, at your own pace. You deserve and need the time and the space and the opportunity to freely, openly, safely, whole-heartedly discover who you are and who you're supposed to be, free from fear, free from accusation, free from expectation.”

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“We can create a more nurturing environment by surrounding ourselves with love and support, learning and becoming friends with our minds, and continuing to dismantle harmful social norms in ourselves and in our networks.”

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“Show them compassion, show them love, show them understanding. Protect them from the evils of the world, but don't hide them from it. Teach them to love and to be loved. Teach them to value and be valued. Teach them all that they are. Remind yourself and them that who they are is exactly who they're supposed to be. It's not the child who needs to change, it's the world.”

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“Our society has taught us that if we act in a way that is different to the social norm, we are considered low functioning, stupid, dumb, childish, loony. And the thing is, perhaps those fears are valid. No one wants to see their child ridiculed. But why are we then determined to change the child, rather than the world around them? Why do we validate the wrong just because it's normalised, and ostracise the right just because it's not?”

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“You can't use a new word to replace an old one without it holding the exact same correlation, segregation and complacency that the original term was associated with. Instead of the 1930s mindset of 'People with Asperger's are worthy of survival, but those who have autism are not,' we now see a twenty-first century version of that: 'People who are high-functioning are worthy of survival, but those who are low functioning...' It's just a more modernised, accepted vocabulary. Instead of 'worthy of survival', our new language is being 'worthy' in capitalism and 'worthy' of support.”

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“As I've gotten older and realised that society's expectations are only as firm as we allow them to be, I've discovered that allowing myself to unmask and be my authentic autistic self--stims and all--has unleashed more ability than I ever had when I was locking myself away.”

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“Growing up in a world that wasn't created for even the most basic level of my existence meant that I grew up incredibly ostracised and ridiculed. I was taught from a young age that my mind wasn't valued, that my existence wasn't important, that I wasn't supposed to be here. How can a little girl ever find herself when every part of society is telling her that she can't be the only version of herself she has ever known?”

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“Daily, I get messages that invalidate me as a human because I'm autistic, with people asking me why I would ever be proud of something like that. Daily, I see, hear and experience people try to diminish my identity, and refuse to acknowledge the identity of their children, their patients, their students. When I look at the world around me, I'm reminded by the media, by politicians, by the very essence of our culture that my mind is wrong, that I'm not needed, that neurodivergence as a whole is indisputably delinquent, and that our identities are not considered important or whole.”

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“There are so many things that people half my age have been doing for years now, and there are things that I know I will struggle with and need extra support with for the rest of my life. But, there are things that I can do better than just about anyone.”

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“No longer were tears and fear and uncertainty seen as just a child who was scared; now they were a pathetic excuse for an adult. No longer were my sensory issues seen as those of a little girl with extra support needs; now I was an adult who was noncompliant and a burden.”

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“She doesn't care about social hierarchies, or social etiquette. If she disagrees with you, your friends or your family, you're likely to hear about it.”

ConflictAutismDisagreementNeurodivergenceSelf AdvocacySocial EtiquetteSocial Hierarchies
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“After receiving a diagnosis, the minimal resources that we may be linked to (if we're lucky) are for the benefit of parents, carers and those who are third-party viewers, rather than for neurodivergent people. We're given books that have been created by doctors and psychologists and neurologists who may have studied our brains for a number of years and can spit out information until the cows come home. But, assuming they are neurotypical, they have never and will never experience or understand what it feels like to have our minds. We're given clinical books and clinical videos, and are taught as soon as the new label is attached to us that it's a cold, medical, distant thing, like our brains are no longer ours. And, when we try to rid ourselves of these views and do our own research in an attempt to find things that feel closer to home and less analytical and impersonal, we are led to articles, sob stories, and posts that highlight the disappointment, fear and sorrow that surround all aspects of us, making us feel further invalidated, segregated and alienated.”

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“Taking away a child's stims doesn't take away their need to self-regulate; instead, it forces them into new habits that can cause long-term side effects and harm, including severe anxiety disorder, depression and emotional dysregulation. In 50 per cent of cases where therapy is used to stop an autistic child from stimming, the child has come out with symptoms that meet the criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder.”

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“How disappointing that we live in a society where a child is either completely 'normal' --as in, they can fit into this oddly designed box that no one in particular created but that society has deemed to be the only way--or there's something entirely, utterly, absolutely wrong with them.”

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“The other part of communication is communicating your feelings. Friendship is a two-way street; it's mutual. Be honest about your needs and your feelings at all times, with no exceptions. If you're not articulating your feelings, we're not going to pick up on it--we don't take hints, we don't pick up on invisible social cues, we're not going to understand radio silence. We need real communication or we're both going to get confused and upset.”

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