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Cole Ryan Biography

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“Notice that “love thy neighbor” - a wildly popular piece of wisdom found in the Bible - is a command. Jesus is commanding us to love. Now, Jesus understood that emotions and feelings cannot be commanded; they cannot be controlled. He must be saying that love isn’t the way you feel about someone, it’s the way your treat someone. Love isn’t something that happens to you, it’s something that you make happen. It’s a choice.”

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Book:Dating: I Think We've Missed The Point
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“Dating is never mentioned in the Bible, not once. I’m not saying that dating’s a sin or that dating’s evil. That’s not what this book is about. What I am saying is that if we look to Scripture for specific answers on dating we’re not going to find any. That’s not a problem, though, because it has a lot to say about marriage, and when we figure out why God created marriage, we will figure out a lot about dating in return.”

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“We’re in an a bit of an awkward situation. When the institution of marriage first came about, people commonly got married at around the same age that they began to develop feelings for the opposite sex. This is no longer the case. 13, 14 - these are no longer appropriate ages to be getting married. Now, you do not get married until you’re out of college, at least. If you get married any earlier, you’re looked down upon. So, what we have is a gap. A gap between when we begin to be attracted to the opposite sex, and when we’re allowed to give into that attraction. A gap between now and then. A fairly large gap, I might add. About a 10 or 12 year gap. I believe that dating was designed to bridge that gap.”

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“The opposite of lust is intentional, purposeful. The opposite of lust is longing for a ‘particular’ person – because while lust is looking to get, the opposite of lust is looking to give. The opposite of lust is choosing a certain person. The same person. Everyday. For the rest of your life. Despite what they have to offer. Now that’s romantic. The opposite of lust is waking up every morning and saying, “out of everyone else in this world, I choose you.” I choose you. Today, and everyday. I choose you not because you’re perfect for me and you meet all of my qualifications and conditions and because you make me feel loved and cared for. No. I choose you, because I know you’re a lot like me, and you’re going to fall short and mess up and you’re not always going to feel like loving me – but you’re going to want someone to stick around with you despite all that. I choose you, because I know Jesus loves you, and He doesn’t love you because He is impressed by you and He gets a warm feeling in His heart when He’s around you and you complete Him. He loves you so that you might become more like Him. This is a love that isn't dependent on us.”

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“And for another person to come along side us on our journey - for two messy, broken people to come together and say “I know your faults, I know you’re going to do some things I hate, I know the person you are now is not the person you want to be. However, I know the person you could become and I want to help you get there.” That’s what it’s all about.”

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“I believe being a ‘gentleman’ goes well beyond holding the door for a girl and letting her go before you. It’s about being vulnerable for her. I think that when it comes to the way we treat women, it’s a good idea to look to the way Jesus treated women. He laid His life down for His bride, He sacrificed for her, He lowered Himself for her, He was vulnerable for her. We must love women vulnerably in the same way that Jesus loved His bride vulnerably. Being a gentleman is far more than being caring and thoughtful, it’s about possessing sacrificial and vulnerable Christ-like characteristics. I don’t know if it’s possible to be a gentleman without knowing and representing the character of Jesus.”

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“There’s a beautiful poem at the beginning of a collection of books we call the Bible. In that poem, it is written: "Then God said, ‘Let us make man.’” God then recognized that it was not good for man to be alone. We can all agree on that one, I think. Loneliness is one of the most excruciating pains that the human heart, or any heart, has to go through. What did God do about it? What was His remedy? What was His answer? He created marriage. He didn’t create dating, He didn’t create courting - He created marriage.”

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“I believe marriage was designed to do what only marriage can do - point us to Jesus by modeling his love for us. This, though, isn’t easy or even preferable. This means the sin in us, the pride and selfishness and anger and stubbornness and greed and lust in us, will be revealed through our partner. A spouse can help us grow in a way that no one else in this world can.”

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“I want to go much further than that. I want to point out that when Jesus spoke, whether it be of blessing or wealth or prosperity or what-have-you, He was rarely speaking of what is physical, what is tangible, what is seen. I don’t think Jesus was nearly as concerned with our circumstances as He was with our character. With Jesus, it’s all about what’s on the inside. It always has been. It always will be. When He promised us blessing and wealth and prosperity, the very last thing He was talking about was money.”

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