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“I wanted to honor her with the music we had shared. She used to listen to me play, correct me, encourage me. She was like a teacher, but better. She was my support, and she truly loved my music. She didn’t know it, but I played for her. To make her happy. To keep her close. When the melody ended, I played it again and again until my fingers hurt so badly I could no longer continue. And in that moment I realized I would never be able to play the piano the same way again. Every note had been for her. Every sound had been about her. Now it all felt empty, suddenly stripped of meaning.”

“I could feel heat pooling between my legs fast and intense. My thighs pressed together, uselessly. Shame surged up my spine, but there was nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide from what I was feeling. And then I realized my mouth was open. He noticed. A gloved hand reached out slowly, not to harm, but to hush. He touched my chin with surprising gentleness and placed one finger against my lips. “What did you see?” he whispered, his voice low, husky, dangerous and magnetic. “An angel… or something else?”

“If you keep wiggling on my dick like that, you’ll end up impaled on it like a fish on a hook.” She froze for a second. “But… fish are pierced through.” “Exactly.” I smirked darkly. “Think about it.” Her body stiffened and I felt her embarrassment radiating through her skin as her cheeks flushed a deep red. Beautiful. “You’re a maniac,” she whispered sharply. “Me? No, I’m not…” I let out a low chuckle, leaning closer to her ear. “I’m a succubus demon, remember? Fish memory, ashpetal?”

“He charged at me, grabbing me by the neck. I flinched as he lifted me slightly off the ground. The witch just watched, arms crossed, eyebrows raised like this was some trivial drama she’d seen a hundred times. “Oh, darling,” he hissed, voice low and venomous like a snake ready to strike, “you can’t just do that to demons. Did you really want to get rid of me?”

“If only there were more adequate men in the world… but alas, alas. Perhaps somewhere far away in another universe… on another planet… there were better men, beings of dignity and goodness. Or the angels in heaven – yes, I always imagined them as the ideal men, if there was any gender division at all among them. Perhaps they were simply asexual beings, pure in their existence, untouched by the vices of the flesh.”

“But you know… I’ve always believed in the good. I really tried. But I’ve always been so afraid of the worst. My anxious mind keeps playing terrifying scenarios over and over, like a broken record. And depression… since I was a teenager, it didn’t make me a better person. It didn’t strengthen me. It just made me hunted… like a sheep surrounded by wolves. And now, I feel like I’m about to be eaten alive.”

“I felt the truth like a shadow inside my bones, this tiredness had been with me since I was eleven. It never left. And the worst part was… No matter how many doctors I had visited, how many blood tests they ran, how many psychologists I cried to, they always shook their heads gently and said, Maybe you’re just tired from school… or work… or your singing classes.”

“Or maybe the dreamer was still alive only inside me, buried deep where I thought I had killed it long ago. But sometimes, its whispers still slipped through the cracks of my emotional dam – that dam I built so high to protect myself. I told myself I no longer needed anything in this world… but deep down, more than anything, I still wanted to love and to be loved. But… it wasn’t meant to be.”

“People slaving away at those jobs for a damn pittance, and still they were asked to do even more, always more, endlessly more. Many worked for five people’s worth of duties, and all they got in return was just enough money to pay rent and buy food to survive another month. I didn’t even dare imagine what it felt like for them to have dreams, desires, longings – when they could barely breathe under that weight.”

“They shoved pills into my hands to seal away the symptoms, never once caring about unearthing the real cause rotting me from the inside out. As long as I was quiet, manageable, functional, they didn’t give a damn. Fuck them. Fuck every single one of them for thinking I was just another file to be processed and silenced with chemicals. They didn’t want healing. They wanted obedience.”

“You have to work harder on yourself, Diana.” “Right. I’m not doing enough, am I?” My voice was trembling from the emotions that were gathering in my throat. I wanted to burst out with tears but I was trying to hold them for a moment or two. “If you want to be successful in life, you should work better,” she hissed through her teeth and turned back, continuing to cut the carrots. “Oh really? I’m not doing enough with going to music school after my usual one? I attend also dancing classes and acrobatic ones and this fucking gymnastics! I study for my exams every day! I don’t even remember the last time when I was outside just walking without insulting myself, without intoxicating thoughts! And you are telling me that I’m not doing enough?! My schedule doesn’t even have a single hour without being busy! It’s a torture!”

“I knew what I was capable of. I knew what he was capable of. I would burn the world for him without hesitation, and he would do the same for me. There was no illusion of innocence between us anymore. We had seen too much, done too much, crossed too many lines that ordinary people would never dare approach. We were not heroes. We were something darker. Monsters, demons, devils if one wished to be poetic about it. Two boots of one pair, walking the same cursed path without regret.”

“He really was a demon. I didn’t want to believe it at first. I told myself it could be a delusion, a twisted fantasy of my sick mind. But no… he had been telling the truth. And to my own shock, I realized I wasn’t afraid anymore. If a demon had fallen in love with me… then I had already given him my body. The only question left was… would I give him my soul?”

“Ashpetal…” I repeated quietly, almost tasting the word. “Why do you call me that?” His lips twitched into a gentle, knowing smile. “Well… don’t you look like that flower?” His voice softened, threading through my chest like a prayer and a curse at once. “You burned out during your lifetime, turned into ashes… but you’re still burning inside. That light in your heart is almost gone, but it’s still there. It just… it just needs a spark to resurrect.”