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Once Upon a Time Travel

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“You know how they say that right before you die your life flashes before your eyes? It doesn’t. That is just a notion they came up with for books and movies to make death seem romantic. Here’s what really happens: Your intestines feel like a dishrag that’s being wrung dry and your stomach acts like a balloon when you let the air out of it”

Death Rebel Die Time Travel Romance Dishrag Flas

Book:Once Upon a Time Travel

Source: Once Upon a Time Travel

“I figured I only had about two seconds to live. It’s amazing how many thoughts you can have in two seconds.”

Live Rebel Time Travel Die Two Seconds

Book:Once Upon a Time Travel

Source: Once Upon a Time Travel

“He didn't mean I couldn't leave, he meant I couldn't leave leave. If he meant I couldn't even take out the trash and had to stay inside all the time, that would result in a vitamin D deficiency and I would get scurvy and turn pale, wither, and die and he would go to jail for child abuse. So, I don't think he meant that.”

Rebel Time Travel D Vitamin

Book:Once Upon a Time Travel

Source: Once Upon a Time Travel

“What happened next… well, I'm going to blame it on the fact that I was scared. And I had just flown or fallen or something through about eighty years worth of Time. Or maybe it was the beans. I farted. I farted loud enough that it echoed around the small closet, bounced off all four walls and finally escaped through the open door. At least that's what it did in my mind's eye.”

Rebel Time Travel Fart

Book:Once Upon a Time Travel

Source: Once Upon a Time Travel

“This was a true pants-pooping moment.”

Rebel Time Travel Poop

Book:Once Upon a Time Travel

Source: Once Upon a Time Travel

“I shrieked like a little girl, which, if you think about it, makes total sense.”

Girl Rebel Time Travel Shriek

Book:Once Upon a Time Travel

Source: Once Upon a Time Travel

“Do not go where you don’t belong. I scoffed. That sounded like an invitation if I ever heard one.”

Rebel Time Travel Scoff

Book:Once Upon a Time Travel

Source: Once Upon a Time Travel