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Poop Quotes

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Poop Quotes

“Here is an interesting side note about burglary psychology. Many burglary reports, after itemizing a list of stolen possessions, note that the burglar has defecated in the house, sometimes in a corner, on the floor, and sometimes in the bathroom, and sometimes in the shrubbery outside, beneath the broken window. I remember one burglary victim telling me, “He took all the stereo equipment in the den, ransacked the bedroom and then took a shit in the bathroom but didn’t flush. I came home and found a big turd floating in the toilet!” It almost seems to add insult to injury, doesn't It? Actually, there is a physical reason for this. Burglarizing a house causes the burglar to produce stress hormones, like Noradrenaline, corisol and adrenaline. Often an extreme amount of stress hormones can be created while in the act of burglarizing a home. And some people react to stress by taking a shit. Not flushing the toilet, that’s the insult part.”

CrimeStressToiletsHormonesPoopHousesBurglary
Book:Behind the Badge in River City: A Portland Police Memoir
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“Do you want some chocolate? I got M&M's--" "What? Why would I want chocolate?" "It cheers people up." Hollywood took out a plastic baggie full of bright and cheerful little UFOs. "Here--" V batted the calories away. "Yeah, you can fuck off with that." “Why? It has that chemical that simulates the feeling of falling in love.” Rhage opened the bag’s top. “Fritz puts them in a Ziploc for me because sometimes the regular packaging breaks open when I’m in the field. I hate chocolate in pockets, all melty. It’s like putting your hand in poop—” “Oh, my fucking God, please stop talking—” “—except you can eat it, of course.”

EatPoopVishousRhageM Ms
Book:The Wolf
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“I was still a newlywed and certainly wasn't to the point where I felt comfortable yelling, "I'm going to shit my pants any second!" But the sweating had started, which was followed by the tears. "I'm not feeling well, and need to get home," I told him. "Ok, but I have to obey the speed limit because of all the kids in the neighborhood," he replied. I was pleading with him to hurry up when he came to a complete stop. I screamed at him, "Why are we stopping?" He rolled down the window. "Retreat." I could see the flag lowering in the distance, the beautiful orange sun setting behind it. In the opposite direction I could see the roof line of our home - so close, yet so far away. As Retreat played, I surrendered. I pooped my pants. I took one for the flag. Now that's patriotism.”

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Book:Confessions of a Military Wife
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“We need to pull over now," she screeched as she gagged. "Paper is not supposed to be made out of poop.” "Did it taste like poop?" Hank inquired as he quickly pulled into a rest stop filled with church buses. "Since I don't eat poop," Dima snapped, "I wouldn't know." "But you do eat people?" "I do not eat people," she yelled. "But your people eat people?" I prodded nicely. "Occasionally," she hissed. "And your people sniff each other's asses when in animal form..." She had a point - and a foul one at that.”

HumorDragonsWerewolvesShiftersPoop
Book:Some Were In Time
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“Don’t you just hate it when you step in dog poop? Especially if you’re walking with a friend, and as you smell it and the stench keeps pace with you, you begin to wonder if your friend shit his pants. Thankfully, what comes out of a duck’s anus looks more like coffee, and fills your nostrils like yesterday’s news.”

DucksDuckDuck QuoteDuck QuotesPoop
Book:One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
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“Starbucks coffee tastes like watery duck poop. I mean it probably does, because it’s not like I’ve ever drank something so gross. But I have tried duck poop.”

CoffeeDucksDuckDuck QuoteDuck QuotesPoop
Book:One Out of Ten Dentists Agree: This Book Helps Fight Gingivitis. Maybe Tomorrow I’ll Ask Nine More Dentists.: A BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm Production
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“There’s a reason Martha Stewart raises chickens and not ducks. Ducks consume a lot of food and water, and it all has to go somewhere. To put it plainly, these fowl produce copious amounts of wet droppings that have a truly unpleasant odor.”

ChickensDucksPoopMartha Stewart
Book:Ducks: Tending a Small-Scale Flock for Pleasure and Profit (CompanionHouse Books) Choosing the Right Breeds, Housing, Diet, Breeding, Duckling Care, Health, Handling, & Egg Harvesting
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“Jayden went for my fries, ignoring Anna’s narrowed gaze. “Thanks, babe.” “You two know each other?” Jo gestured between Jayden and me with her fork. Before I could nod, he dropped an arm over my shoulders. “She’s my bae.” I grinned. “Bae?” Keira sighed. “I hate that word. Do you know what it really means?” “Poop,” I answered without thinking. “In Danish.” My eyes widened. Holy crap. I’d spoken without hesitation at lunch! Holy crap! No one recognized my internal freak-out over it, but I couldn’t believe it. I sat there and spoke with no problem. I needed to give myself a cookie. Anna giggled. “Oh, man. I know. I know. Still think it’s a cute word.” Across from her, Keira rolled her eyes. “It literally means shit.” “Mallory is the shit, though.”

AnnaTranslationPoopShitDanishMallory DodgeBaeJayden LunaKeira
Book:The Problem with Forever
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“A small, light object landed on my head. I looked around. Another small something hit me. I looked up. After a third thing hit me, I untangled a couple of deer droppings from my hair. It was spotted deer poop. I must be one of the only kids on the planet to recognise the sultana-like pellets of hares and deer and the boulders left by elephant and rhino. I heard a cackle behind me and turned to receive a handful of deer pellets full in the face.”

PoopNepalPooDroppingsSpotted Deer
Book:Himalayan Kidnap
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“Johnny's Sh*temare by Stewart Stafford Amber did sh*t in Johnny's bed, She did it while he was sleeping, Right by Johnny's head. Stank awake on a mattress lumpy, He saw what Amber had left him, A hot, steaming grumpy. Browned off, he leapt to his feet, No dogs stained his manhood, Or crapped on the sheet. Now he's sued her for defamation, And they call her Amber Turd, For her reckless defecation. © Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”

SleepDogsSleepingPoopJohnny DeppPrankAmber HeardRude AwakeningDirty JokeAmber Turd
Author:Stewart Stafford
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