Funny Quotes Quotes
Browse 507 quotes about Funny Quotes.
Funny Quotes Quotes
“Black holes might be useful for getting rid of garbage or even some of one's friends.”
“Don't bite the hand that feeds you - especially if you're dining alone.”
“The primary feature of women is not a 'beauty', it's a 'mystery'.”
“Self-identify your gender? Why not self-identify your species, too? I'm a dog now.”
“No kind of social system can make you more happier and secure than your own money.”
“Sex is like pizza: if you're going to use BBQ sauce, you better know what the fuck you're doing.”
“You're not the butcher, selling sausages. You're the cow, pre-sausage.”
“Wise men don't feel companionless when they are not in the company of their egos.”
“Good man and bad man with money goes a long ways." ~ Amunhotep El Bey”
“Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.”
“In spite of being complicated people choose superstitions over common sense.”
“I don’t cry over spilled milk. I buy a cow, milk it, and show the milk who’s boss.”
“I'm a versatile writer. No genre has managed to pin me down thus far.”
“Lunacy is in the mind of the beholder.”
“What kind of boats do smart people ride on? Scholar ships.”
“Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.”
“To the issues of friendship, love, business and war, "surprise" is the optimistic solution.”
“Your pretense does not fool me, gnome. My eye will be upon you.”
“When in doubt, stay silent. People can't tell if you're plotting a nuclear war or just bored.”
“But power was a comical thing that humans held and God laughed at.”
“If you are reading this, I'm dead. Don't celebrate too much. Jesus is watching.”