Best Funny Quote Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“Love turns men into boys; heartache turns boys into men.”

Life Quotes Love Quotes Boys Relationship Quotes Life Quotes And Sayings Love Quotes And Sayings Life Lessons Quotes Life Quotations Life Lesson Quotes Love Quote Life Quote Heart Quotes Love Quotations Romance Quotes Funny Quotes Life Quotes Inspirational Quotes Pain Quotes Dating Quotes Heartbreak Quotes Woman Quotes Women Quotes Lovers Quotes Sweet Romance Love Quotes And Saying Love Quotes For Everybody Relationship Advice Quotes Heart Quotations Love Quotes Love Relationship Advice For Women Falling In Love Quotes Humor Quotes Woman Quotations Humorous Quotations Relationship Advice For Men Funny Quote Courtship Quotes Humourous Quotes Funny Quotations Men Quotes Heartache Quotes Humor Quotations Heart Quote Girls Quotes

Author:Matshona Dhliwayo

“Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.”

“O woman, father says natural is beautiful so why do you redden your cheeks and blacken your eyes? Why do you remove the hair on your legs and draw them into your brows? Why do you hold your breath lest your stomach show and hold your fart lest they know that you’re a human? O woman, father says natural is beautiful so why do you straighten your hair to curl it next and pretend to orgasm so they think you enjoyed the sex? Why do you dumb yourself down and push your breasts up? Why do you smile when you’re told to and love when you don’t want to? When? When will you stop, woman? Father says natural is beautiful but that is doubtful for what does father know he’s only a fellow.”

“GPS has saved countless relationships because us men do not like to ask for directions. Now if women could only come with relationship GPS we would be one step closer to world peace.”

Men Life Wisdom Life Lessons Women Life Quotes Relationships Relationship Life Philosophy Wisdom Quotes Behavior Relationship Quotes Men And Women Life Quotes And Sayings Saved Life Lessons Quotes True Life Lesson Life Lesson Quotes Life Quote World Peace Funny Quotes Humorous Quotes Relationship Advice Wisdom Quote Relationships Quotes Women Quotes Life Lessons Quote Relationship Advice Quotes Ken Poirot Ken Poirot Quote Ken Poirot Quotes Author Ken Poirot Gps Relationship Advice For Men World Peace Quotes Funny Quote Directions Life Philosophy Quotes Life Lesson Quote Humorous Quote Author Ken Poirot Quotes Men Quotes Relationship Quote Author Ken Poirot Quote True Quotes Men And Women Relationships Countless Relationships Quote Behavior Quotes Life Philosophy Quote Men And Women Relations Relationship Advice Quote Men And Women Relationship Women Quote Men Quote Gps Quotes Saved Quotes True Quote Ask For Directions Ask For Directions Quote Ask For Directions Quotes Behavior Quote Countless Quote Countless Quotes Directions Quote Directions Quotes Gps Quote Men And Women Relations Quote Men And Women Relations Quotes Relationship Commentary Relationship Commentary Quote Relationship Commentary Quotes Saved Quote World Peace Quote

Author:Ken Poirot

“There must be something in here that can drill through eight miles of solid rock.” He considered a hand drill, a tape measure, a corkscrew, and the iron staff we’d almost died retrieving from Geirrod’s fortress. He threw them all to the floor. “Nothing!” he said in disgust. “Useless junk!” Perhaps you could use your head, Hearthstone signed. That is very hard. “Oh, don’t try to console me, Mr. Elf,” said Thor.”

Funny Mythology Rick Riordan Thor Magnus Chase Funny Quote Sign Language The Hammer Of Thor Norse Gods

Book:The Hammer of Thor

Source: The Hammer of Thor

“She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.”

Relationship Quotes Dinner Joke Marriage Quotes Funny Quotes Humorous Quotes Wife Quotes Husband Quotes Humor Quotes Humorous Quotations Funny Quote Humorous Quote Funny Quotations Humor Quote Humor Quotations Lazy Quotes Humorous Quotation

Author:Matshona Dhliwayo

“Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists.”

Funny Quotes Humorous Quotes Boxers Women Quotes Humor Quotes Box Humorous Quotations Funny Quote Fight Quotes Humorous Quote Funny Quotations Humor Quote Punch Fist

Author:Matshona Dhliwayo

“—¿Me van a dejar pasar comida en el aeropuerto? Se van a pensar que es una terrorista dijo Steve. —la rerrorista de las albóndigas —añadió Sonny, y los dos empezaron a reírse a carcajadas otra vez.”

Funny Family Funny Quote

Book:Antes de diciembre

Source: Antes de diciembre

“Ahhh, you two are special friends." Nick "How do you mean?" Kyrian "He thinks we're a couple" Ash "No No No Definitely not. Not that Acheron is not an attractive man, not that I've ever really noticed whether or not he's attractive, but male is not my type." Kyrian”

Couples Gay Men Ash Funny Quote Nick Gautier Dark Hunters Series Kyrian Hunter

Book:Infinity

Source: Infinity

“I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?”

Funny Quotes Humour Humorous Quote Irony Ironic Funny Quotes Lawns Grave Gravestone Funny Quote Thistles Weeds Quotable Quotable Quote Lawn Quotables Death Humor Thistle

Book:Write like no one is reading

Source: Write like no one is reading

“A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably under a restraining order.”

“Feminism? Oh, it's totally unnecessary today. Just like seat belts and life jackets.”

Feminism Feminist Funny Quotes Feminist Quotes Feminism Quotes Funny Quote Feminism Identity Funny Quotations Intersectional Feminism

Author:Anubha Saxena

“My childhood was a drag show!”

Art Artist Childhood Drag Funny Quotes Childhood Memories Artists Quotes Funny And Random Drag Queen Childhood Memory Funny Quote Drag Queens Drag Show

Author:Nuno Roque

“Never keep your piranhas in the toilet because all you get are bad memories.”

Laughter Quote Of The Day Anthony T Hincks Veitch Fish Funny Quote Toilet Piranha

Author:Anthony T. Hincks

“I love to laugh. Specially at myself. Sometimes I spend hours doing it.”

Humor Laughing Laughter Self Awareness Funny Quotes Humorous Quotes Laughter Is The Best Medicine Laughter Quotes Funny Quote

Author:Nuno Roque

“As one would expect, the Pope’s schedule is quite disciplined—he wakes up at four o’clock each morning and runs on the treadmill for an hour. I’m totally kidding. Nobody’s knees have time for that.”

Running Discipline Knees Pope Jogging Funny Quote Schedule Pope Francis Treadmill

Book:A Year of Living Prayerfully

Source: A Year of Living Prayerfully

“You're asking the cyborg fugitive and the wild animal to be the welcoming committee? That's adorable.”

Humour Authors Wolves Funny Quote Cyborgs

Book:Cress

Source: Cress

“I’m much more than a writer – I’m someone who puts different words together in an interesting way.”

Writing Life Funny Quote Carla H Krueger Author Quote Comedy Quote

Author:Carla H Krueger

“Love is like a fart...If you have to force it … its probably shit...”

Love Quotes Funny Quotes Fart Funny Quote Love Funny

Author:Bhushan Mahadani

“Everything I touched seemed to be cursed—the next person who came in contact with that sunbed probably contracted HIV and died of a stubbed toe.”

Humor Comedy Funny Quotes Humorous Quotes Funny Book Quotes Humor Quotes Laughter Quotes Funny Quote Comedy Humor Funny Quotations

Book:Unprotected Treks: The Politically Incorrect Blueprint for World Travel

Source: Unprotected Treks: The Politically Incorrect Blueprint for World Travel

“The impact of her tender and battered hand against his rough and wind-worn face was annoyingly painful.”

Humor Faith Christian Fiction Fantasy Series Funny Quote

Book:A Noble Thief

Source: A Noble Thief

“Get high on love, not drugs.”

“The world’s most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.”

“You never know what you will find in your pants!”

“Trust me, there are things in this mountain that will make your jaw bounce off the floor.”

Adventure Science Fiction Surprise Mountains Scifi Middle Grade School Life Steampunk Kidlit Funny Quote School Story

Book:The Secrets of Solace

Source: The Secrets of Solace

“Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.”

“Fuck. I don’t remember her being so scary. She’s got those momma eyes down to a T, yet, somehow...on her, they are hot as hell. The term M.I.L.F. now makes all the sense in the world.”

Sexy Romance Funny Quote Comedy Romance

Book:Boomerangers

Source: Boomerangers

“Marg muttered something under her breath. It was either “Who does he think he is?” or “I hope he has no kids.” Weird that I’d mix the two of those up. You’re right. It was probably the sec…first one. First one.”

Funny Funny Quotes Funny Humor Funny And Random Funny Quote The Community

Book:The Community: A Funny and Disturbing Conspiracy Mystery Novel

Source: The Community: A Funny and Disturbing Conspiracy Mystery Novel

“Thor frowned as if he’d just had a thought, which must have been a painful experience.”

Rick Riordan Thor Magnus Chase Funny Quote Hammer Of Thor

Book:The Hammer of Thor

Source: The Hammer of Thor

“An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.”

“Every big dream begins with a little nap.”

Quote Quote Of The Day Funny Quotes Smart Quotes Funny Quote Smart Quote

Author:Yohann Dafeu

“Two things are infinite; a woman’s patience and her husband’s mistakes.”

“Yesterday is a pile of rubble. Today is a pile of opportunity. Life takes a new dump each morning”

Life Humor Funny Life Lessons Opportunity Humorous Entrepreneur Entrepreneurship Life Lessons Quotes Humorous Quotes Dump Startup Startups Rubble Funny Quote Quotable Quotes Quotable Entrepreneurialism

Author:Ryan Lilly

“Life is a circle. It spins you around.”

Life Change Aphorism Humorous Quotes Quote About Life Aphorisms Circle Funny Quote Spin Aphorismus Spin Around Quote About Spinning

Book:The New Land

Source: The New Land

“It didn’t take him thirty seconds to have a swig of vodka and a hefty sniff before his hands were as steady as a bloke with his bollocks caught in a zip”

Funny Quotes Funny Quote Hilarious Quotes Funny As Hell

Book:Steel Dogs

Source: Steel Dogs

“The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.”

“Love is my favorite drug; I overdose on it regularly.”

“Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.”

“If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.”

“When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, "You can do this. You've got what it takes." The other sounds like my mother-in-law.”

Humor Humour Writing Process Writing Life Confidence And Attitude Funny Quote Doubting Thomas Writing Creative Process Writing Conflict

Author:Carla H Krueger

“global warming: (n.) result of excessive hot-air emissions by climate scientists.”

Humor Climate Change Weather Global Warming Satire Funny Quote Inconvenient Truth Climate Science Greenhouse Effect Global Warming Humor

Book:The Angel's Dictionary

Source: The Angel's Dictionary

“Every day I try to do something good in the world. Today, for example, I put on deodorant.”

Changing The World Funny Quote Bettering The World Doing Good In The World Hygiene Quote

Book:Single Dad Laughing: The Best of Year One

Source: Single Dad Laughing: The Best of Year One

“If you think that happiness = Life - problems; then you must be suffering from a severe form of dys-life-calculia.”

Happiness Humour Funny Quotes Problems In Life Funny Quote Funny Quotations Funny Life Quotes

Author:Anoir Ou-chad

“Falling in love and falling to your death feel about the same, I thought. And I almost laughed.”

Funny Amusing Funny But True Funny Quote Amusing Ourselves To Death

Book:Dangerous

Source: Dangerous

“Alex promised to keep watch. At least I think that’s what she said. She could have announced I’ll invite Loki into camp and kill you all in your sleep! HAHAHAHA! and I still would’ve passed out.”

Funny Rick Riordan Magnus Chase Loki Funny Quote Alex Fierro Hammer Of Thor

Book:The Hammer of Thor

Source: The Hammer of Thor

“the giants let loose a deafening cheer. “Kill the humans!” “Shut it!” Thrynga yelled. “We have humans with us!” The giants murmured. Someone in the back said, “Present company excepted.”

Rick Riordan Magnus Chase Funny Quote Hammer Of Thor

Book:The Hammer of Thor

Source: The Hammer of Thor

“Your booty call embargo will remain intact.”

Romance Romantic Suspense Alpha Male Military Romance Funny Quote Female Character Funny Sex Quotes

Book:Hart Attack

Source: Hart Attack

“A girl in Los Angeles that I thought was Australian but was Kiwi told me I could tell everyone when I got back to England I'd met a girl from New Zealand. I told her I was Irish and we'd made the same mistake!”

Identity Los Angeles Nationality Funny Quote Mistaken Identity Australia And New Zealand The Irish Aussies And Kiwis Ireland And England The Irish And The English

Author:Stewart Stafford

“After being expelled from Paradise, Adam and Eva got married.”

Love God Paradise Adam Aphorism Funny Quote Eva Paradise Lost Get Married Expel

Book:The New Land

Source: The New Land

“After being expelled from Paradise, Adam and Eve got married.”

Paradise Adam Aphorism Eve Funny Quote Paradise Lost Get Married Expel

Book:The New Land

Source: The New Land