Quotessence
Home / Topics / Humorous Quotes Quotes

Humorous Quotes Quotes

Browse 394 quotes about Humorous Quotes.

Humorous Quotes Quotes

“. She was beautiful, and her temperament seemed much better than his first wife did. Arman stopped in the middle of the Windsor knot on his tie. Who was he trying to kid, he thought. An enraged rabid pit bull in heat would have had a better temperament then his first wife.”

“Without hope we fail to exist.”

“If I had a drink, I’d drink to that— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber That sounds serious. You should see a doctor for that— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber That’s how it is for us girls… No matter how much talent we have, most of us girls are just a feature away from famous— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber We work our butts off night after night and give the audience everything we have. And when the show is over, and we take off all those pretty costumes, what happens to us? We walk out that stage door, and we dissolve into a crowd of nameless faces— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber For me, the best girl is the one you can be at ease with— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber We still have a few things to iron out… You’ll need a big iron! — White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber As long as we can stop and get a massage afterward. My feet are killing me… Your feet are killing me, too! — White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber Can I get you a drink, Grandpa?… You’re a little young to get the drink I need— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber The reason I say the war took him is because it didn’t give him back. The man who went away to war was not the man who came back from war. Somewhere on those battlefields in Europe, I lost the man I loved, and he never really came back to me— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber If the Army taught me anything, it’s that sometimes we advance and sometimes we retreat, but we all need to hear the same bugle call— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber War affects us all, not just the ones who were there— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber We were soldiers. We didn’t fight in the same battles, but we fought in the same war. We laid our lives on the line every day for our country, even though it cost us dearly. We’re brothers in arms, you see. And when one brother is down, we pick him up, because we know that when we’re down he’ll pick us up. That’s what brothers do— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber If you want to win a man, sometimes you need to give him the full-court press before some other gal does— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber A woman needs to know you’re interested, or she’ll think you’re not— White Christmas Homecoming by Mark Streuber”

“Toby looked so miserable the soldiers gathered around him for support. They sang a revised version of their company song: Buckle for your dust, boys, no flakey diddy-bopping. Stay tight, and fight the Grimhilda Red Alert. The second line was adaptable to any situation: the day before it had included references to grizzly bears.”

“Some people stride toward a better future. Others have chauffeurs.”

“Don't you understand how Cho's feeling at the moment?" [Hermione] asked. "No," said Ron and Harry together. Hermione sighed and laid down her quill. "Well, obviously, she's feeling very sad, because of Cedric dying. Then I expect she's feeling confused because she liked Cedric and now she likes Harry, and she can't work out who she likes best. Then she'll be feeling guilty, thinking it's an insult to Cedric's memory to be kissing Harry at all, and she'll be worrying about what everyone else might say about her if she starts going out with Harry. And she probably can't work out what her feelings toward Harry are anyway, because he was the one who was with Cedric when Cedric died, so that's all very mixed up and painful. Oh, and she's afraid she's going to be thrown off the Ravenclaw Quidditch team because she's been flying so badly." A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speech, then Ron said, "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode." "Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have," said Hermione nastily, picking up her her quill again.”

“Trust me… there are real, honorable men still out there. Do you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find him? Yes. Is it even worth it? Absolutely… so don’t give up too soon!”

“GPS has saved countless relationships because us men do not like to ask for directions. Now if women could only come with relationship GPS we would be one step closer to world peace.”

“Well, Metcalf, suppose you try keeping that stupid mouth of yours shut, and maybe that’s the way you’ll learn how. Now, where were we? Read me back the last line.’ “‘Read me back the last line,’” read back the corporal who could take shorthand. “Not my last line, stupid!” the colonel shouted. “Somebody else’s.” “‘Read me back the last line,’” read back the corporal. “That’s my last line again!” shrieked the colonel, turning purple with anger. “Oh, no, sir,” corrected the corporal. “That’s my last line. I read it to you just a moment ago. Don’t you remember, sir? It was only a moment ago.”

“Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.”

“Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.”