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Humorous Quotes Quotes

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Humorous Quotes Quotes

“We ride hard each day,” Draven barked. “We don’t dawdle or take breaks. We don’t stop to sightsee.” “I’d never dream of asking you to sightsee,” Vesper said with an impressively straight face. “A man like you? Never.” “Fine,” Drave said darkly. “Since you won’t leave when asked and as my only other option is to kill you, which I know she won’t like…” “Your sister?” “My companion,” Draven growled. “Since my companion would evidently prefer I didn’t kill you.” “That would be very nice,” I said, as calmly as I could, my heart beating fast. “Especially when he’s so talented with breakfast.” Were they really going to come to blows? I imagined exaggerating the story when I retold it to Galahad and saying two half-naked griddle-cake-scented, dazzlingly handsome men had been fighting over me.”

Fantasy RomanceHumorous QuotesRomantasyFantasy Young AdultFantasy Romance Book QuotesFantasy QuotesFae RomanceFunny Fantasy
Book:Queen of Roses
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“What the hell? Oh, that's right. It's the first Monday of the school year, so of course, Emma's beating the shit out of someone." "Hector — come on and help me pry her off Helena," said Arnold anxiously. "Oh, so that's who she's thrashing," Hector mused. "I should have recognized her solid gold pumps. Finally, someone who deserves it." "It doesn't matter if she deserves it or not," Arnold said in exasperation. "If the Principal or the teachers see her doing this..." "Fine," Hector sighed. "But she better not kick me in the balls again, like last time.”

Humorous QuotesDark HumorYoung Adult SeriesYoung Adult Urban FantasyYoung Adult Dark Fantasy
Book:Olympus Rising
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“A kiss is the only thing you can throw at someone without being held criminally responsible.”

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Author:Matshona Dhliwayo
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“Excerpt— So, let’s review, Doc… To maintain this ‘effortlessly’ youthful appearance of mine, I’ll need to schedule hormone therapy, use a daily regimen of retinol and vitamin C for my face, apply cream tighteners for my neck, engage in about a thousand facial exercises a day, and even sleep on my head for good anti-gravity measure. Oh, and let’s not forget walking around the house with a pulsating light laser on my face. And of course, maintaining a rabbit-ona-food-strike diet and drinking water until I’m sick of the taste. No more wine, just CBD mood relaxers, and don’t forget the waist cincher! The more out of breath, the better. There’s minoxidil for my shedding hair, collagen supplements, and protein peptides. Then there are the laser treatments, bi-annual Botox, and facial injections. And let’s not forget, the copper socks for ankle swelling, magnetic bracelets and rings, and higher strength readers every few months. Not to mention, keeping a handy lighted magnifier near my bed for emergencies and replacement pillowcases for the heat and sweat eruptions. For the aches and pains, there’s Ibuprofen for my back. And let’s not forget, to keep arthritis at bay (and keep my hands from looking like a turnip), hot paraffin wax—and giant sock and foot booties at bedtime... all while staring at the ceiling like a zombie at 3 am with my neck floating in a tsunami of sweat. ...And just when I thought I could relax, I’ve got to try my best to make painful sex winces sound like erotic pleasure groans, (all for his precious ego). Resist the urge to give my hubby just one good slap square across his face for just being a man. And not be pissed at his ability to jump up, take a shower, shave, and be out the door in 20 minutes. And most importantly, every single day, deliver a smile for the cameras and say, “I feel freaking awesome”!!! So, Doc, when do I get to kick back and enjoy life?”

Humorous QuotesWomen QuotesAging QuotesAnti AgingAging BodyMenopause QuotesHumor AgingHumor Women
Book:Help! My Face Is Falling!: Aging: No Grace Required
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“Releasing videos on YouTube is kind of like throwing messages in bottles out into a churning sea made up entirely of messages in bottles. The chance of your message getting noticed and someone being sent out to rescue you is punishingly slim but every once in a blue moon someone who owns a big boat made of money finds your message and agrees to let you ride on his big boat made of money if you keep making messages for him. Then the two of you go on adventures with a smart mouth talking dog and travel to the land of the Gumdrop King and I sort of forgot where I was going with this...”

Humorous QuotesSilly QuotesValidation Or Recognition QuotesYoutube GrowthArtistic Success
Author:Yahtzee Croshaw
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“Bring it in.” Herr Reitmann's scowl had softened. “You both have some crazy notions of what going over a jump ought to look like.” He emphasized the word over. “You both have talent, I can't deny that. It wasn't a stellar performance, but I'll train you. Tomorrow morning, be here at seven.” “In the morning?” I squeaked. Now my voice worked.”

Humorous QuotesChristian FictionChristian RomanceHumor InspirationalChristian Historical FictionEquestrian FictionEquestrian Romance
Book:Leaving My Father's House
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“The fastest way to end an argument with your wife is to admit she’s right.”

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Author:Matshona Dhliwayo
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“Education is like a fine wine, getting better with age and never losing its taste. It's the fountain of wit and wisdom that keeps on flowing, making you the classiest connoisseur of information. So, raise your glass to lifelong learning, and let's toast to being the savvy scholar with an endless appetite for education!”

Inspirational QuotesLife QuotesMotivational QuotesWisdom QuotesSuccess QuotesBook QuotesHappiness QuotesFriendship QuotesHumorous QuotesEducation Quotes
Author:lifeispositive.com
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“Anxiety is like a drama queen, always exaggerating and pulling tricks out of its sleeve. But guess what? You've got the wit to see through its act! You're acing this life game, and success is your middle name! So, show anxiety at the exit door, 'cause you're destined for greatness, and nothing can stop you from achieving it!”

Inspirational QuotesLife QuotesMotivational QuotesWisdom QuotesSuccess QuotesBook QuotesHappiness QuotesFriendship QuotesHumorous QuotesAnxiety Quotes
Author:lifeispositive.com
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“Take a breath, 'cause you're just getting started on this rollercoaster of awesomeness. You haven't even scratched the surface of your incredible self! There are uncharted territories waiting to be explored, mind-blowing experiences yet to be had, and a parade of epic moments ready to march into your life. So, hold on tight, keep that wit sharp, and get ready to embrace all the jaw-dropping adventures that life has in store for you!”

Inspirational QuotesLife QuotesMotivational QuotesWisdom QuotesSuccess QuotesBook QuotesHappiness QuotesFriendship QuotesHumorous QuotesAdventure Quotes
Author:lifeispositive.com
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“What if you do the banana peel slip and tumble like a comedy superstar? But hold your hats, my intrepid spirit; what if you unleash the power of those magical wings and soar like a dazzling phoenix? Embrace the slapstick mishaps, for they're just part of the comedy show leading to your grand finale! So, let's unleash your wit and fly into the unknown, where laughter and greatness await your sensational performance!”

Inspirational QuotesLife QuotesMotivational QuotesWisdom QuotesSuccess QuotesBook QuotesHappiness QuotesFriendship QuotesHumorous QuotesHumor Quotes
Author:lifeispositive.com
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“Probably your biggest mistake was doing funk-dance to Unchained Melody,” the dog offered earnestly. “It’s a ballad, Alf, and to be honest, it’s one of the slowest songs I can think of. You’d have been better off doing a slow waltz to something with that tempo. The other factor may have been the large amount of beer you consumed beforehand.”

FictionHumourMistakesHumorous QuotesTalking Dog
Book:There's Something About Dying
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“God shows us the path; the Devil shows us the possibilities.”

LifeGodHeavenHellPathPossibilityHumorousDevilQuoteAphorismHumorous QuotesSayingGod S WillHeaven On EarthHell On EarthShowDevilishHeavenly RewardsPossibilities In LifeHells AngelsDevil WorshipPossibilities QuoteAphoristicallyThe Path Of LifeDevils In Human FormGood And Bad QualitiesDevils AdvocateHeavenly DelightsHell S HeroesPossibilities In Your LifeShow The Path
Book:The New Land
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