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Humorous Quotes Quotes

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Humorous Quotes Quotes

“well it’s almost noon and i've done nothing all day, all my great plans shot to hell, of getting up at 7 and writing 3 new poems 1 new story 5 letters of sending out submissions to 4 new magazines and making several phone calls all by noon – so i'll just keep drinking coffee and reading from the stack of books on my kitchen table and maybe i'll go catch a flick and maybe just maybe i'll get half as much done tomorrow.”

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." ~ Jane Austin. Arguably one of the best opening lines in literary history (I said ARGUABLY doesn't mean I want to argue). However, to make it a modern retelling it would have to read: It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man or women in possession of a good fortune, just treading water or so broke it aint no joke, must be in want of a life partner.”

“Hey," Arnold shot Hector a small glare. "Emma's worth every second of my time. She's the only girl for me. There's not anyone else who could hold a candle to her." "That's nice," said Hector as Emma hid behind a row of lockers while the two boys walked by. "It's great to have unrealistic and dangerously high expectations. Maybe, I should make 'High Hopes' your ringtone." "Just keep it up, Hec," Arnold grinned as he shook his head. "I'm just saying that you need to keep your options open until you know it's a sure thing." "Like you and Pria?" "Exactly, like Pria and me! We're soulmates, y'know? Reincarnated lovers from eons ago in vain of Romeo and Juliet." "You're a total spaz. You know that, right?" "Hector Spazz Ramirez. I like the sound of that. Y'know what also has a nice ring to it?" "What?" "Mrs. Pria Spazz Ramirez! You think I should run that by her later?" "Definitely go for it. Put a ring on it." "But should I do it before or after French Class?" "See? Now, I can't tell if you're still joking." "Oh, I am." "Thank goodness." "Or am I? I really don't know anymore.”

“An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.”

“This moment is spectacular!”

“The local natives were particularly curious to know why the English required such huge quantities of pepper and there was much scratching of heads until it was finally agreed that English houses were so cold that the walls were plastered with crushed pepper in order to produce heat.”

“They traversed the lounge, side-stepping the occasional onanist and paying no heed to the slack-jawed, giggling addicts. A few feet away, a young woman had put her tattooed posterior on display. Aurora noticed her tattoos were dynamic, changing like a slideshow each time her bottom was slapped.”

“A tall woman with ass-length, honey-blonde hair had entered the lobby and was barking orders at an entourage of men who toted her Gucci leather luggage. Her dog, a white Westie, was barking, adding to the commotion. “Justin!” the woman chastised the man who held the door open for her. “Icky snow on my feet. My Manolo Blahniks. Oh my God! These shoes are a work of art! Do somethinggg!”