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Cynical Humor Quotes

Browse 25 quotes about Cynical Humor.

Cynical Humor Quotes

“-Would you wish us to invest it for you? -No, I would like you to set up a trust for dumb animals. -What kind of dumb animals do you have in mind, Miss Donahue? -Oh, stray dogs. Rats. Birds. -We could still invest it for you. Then the animals would get the income without touching the capital. -No, I don't wish to invest it. I don't want them to get rich. They might become human.”

“Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.”

“I would like at this moment to announce that I will be retiring from this program in two weeks' time because of poor ratings. Since this show is the only thing I had going for me in my life, I've decided to kill myself. I'm going to blow my brains out right on this program a week from today. So tune in next Tuesday. That should give the public relations people a week to promote the show. You ought to get a hell of a rating out of that. 50 share, easy.”