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Comedy Humor Quotes

Browse 49 quotes about Comedy Humor.

Comedy Humor Quotes

“UNREQUITED LOVE: Look, you see me, a lonely girl having a drink. What do you do? LOST: Avoid eye contact at all costs? UNREQUITED LOVE: Oh come on, don’t you ever randomly flirt and find yourself falling in love with attractive young women? LOST: I’ve forgotten how. UNREQUITED LOVE: How peculiar. LOST: (Struggles, trying to find the right words.) No…I mean I did once, but I’ve forgotten most things about love I guess. It just comes with the territory of losing your heart. UNREQUITED LOVE: Wait. (Beat.) You lost your heart? LOST: Yeah um...I lost my heart about a year ago. Filed a police report and everything, but they haven’t had any luck finding it. UNREQUITED LOVE: But without a heart, how can you- LOST: Love? I can’t. UNREQUITED LOVE: Can you remember what love feels like? LOST: (Shrugs.) Vaguely, but for the most part I don’t remember much about it. Like when couples hold hands, I don’t understand why they do that. UNREQUITED LOVE: Must make for some lonely nights.”

RomanceMagical RealismComedy HumorStage Play
Book:Lost and Found: a stage play
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“UNREQUITED LOVE: Some days my body feels empty and I feel like an idiot. To care for someone with every inch of your soul, and then find out they couldn’t care less about you... It’s like being slowly stabbed in the chest by someone who enjoys murdering the innocent. LOST: But you always seem so happy. UNREQUITED LOVE: There’s only so much you can’t feel.”

RomanceMagical RealismComedy HumorStage Play
Book:Lost and Found: a stage play
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“This,” Alaric explained to Sarah in what he thought was a kindly voice, “isn’t love you’re feeling. Only dopamine. Because Felix isn’t like anyone else you know. Being a creature of the night, he’s new and exciting and activates a neurotransmitter in your brain that releases feelings of euphoria when you’re around him…especially because you know you can never actually be together, and he seems complicated, and perhaps even sensitive and vulnerable at times. But I can assure you: he’s anything but.” “How dare you?” Sarah demanded hotly. “It isn’t dopa…whatever! It’s love! Love!”

LoveHumorVampiresDopamineComedy Humor
Book:Insatiable
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“And then Robinson Crusoe stripped naked, swam out to his ship, filled his pockets with biscuits, and swam back to shore...." "What?" I said, hefting my pack and frowning at the child. "Nothing," she said, getting to her feet. "Just an old preHegira book that Uncle Martin used to read to me. He used to say that proofreaders have always been incompetent assholes-even 1400 years ago.”

ErrorsComedy HumorRobinson CrusoeProofreadingWriting Errors
Book:Endymion
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“We put him to the test that afternoon after the Kid woke up. I piled every weapon we had into the wagon and trucked the arsenal halfway across the San Simon Valley. One by one I fired off a round from each of the borrowed weapons and wrote down the order in which I had sent the reports. When I returned at midafternoon, we compared my notes to the Kid’s. Jack had not once failed to identify gun make and model, caliber, and brand of ammunition. He was even able to tell whether I had fired off a report with my right or left hand. Lord knows how he did that. I, of course, had to see it for myself. We sent Pate off to the South Pass of the Dragoons and he commenced to fire off rounds at dusk. BAM! came the first report, aborning to us from the distant mountains and then quickly disintegrating into the maw of the desert sky. “Remington forty-four,” Jack said. “Eighteen sixty-nine model.” He sat on a rock with his hands splayed over his stumpy knees and his head cocked for the next selection. POW! Jack pursed his lips. “Colt’s Lightning . . . forty-one caliber . . . iv’ry grips.” BOOM! At this report Jack chuckled. “Well, first off . . . forty-five caliber Peacemaker, seven-and-a-half-inch barrel,” he announced proudly. Then he smiled. “That ol’ dodger Pate . . . he’s a slick one, tryin’ to pull one on me.” “What do you mean?” I asked. “Along with the Colt he let go with a derringer, thirty-two caliber. Sounded like it ain’t been cleaned in a while.” I sat down next to Jack and draped my arm over his rounded shoulders. “Jack, I believe you’ve given credence to the saying that every man on this earth serves a role.” Jack gave me a look. “ ‘Serves a roll?’ Are we in the restaurant business again?”

CowboysComedy HumorJust For FunOld WestTravestiesMark Warren
Book:The Westering Trail Travesties, Five Little Known Tales of the Old West That Probably Ought to A' Stayed That Way
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“Awake! Sun is shining, it’s Saturday morning. I sit up in bed with some stretching and yawning. My beautiful wife, the love of my life, Looks terribly grim and it signals a warning... I ask her, “My darling, what troubles you so?” She goes on to tell me her tale of woe. “I’ve booked a girls’ dinner but I’ve nothing to wear!” And now I must prepare for what she will declare.”

HumorFunnyRelationshipsMarriageComedyHumourShoppingHusband And WifeHusband QuotesComedy Humor
Book:The Husband Chair
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