Best Comedy Absurd Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

Source: Another fall from grace

“But as I said, one day only has so many hours and I cannot do it all at once. Besides, the alcohol was already bought and paid for. It would be a sin to let it go to waste.”

Life Philosophy One Day Alcohol Day Alcoholism Private Investigator Alcoholic Comedy Humor Comedy Absurd Comedy And Tragedy

Book:Another fall from grace

Source: Another fall from grace

“I thought I was on the track for something good. And you know, the day has only so many hours. One can’t fit everything they want to do in one day.”

Life Philosophy Trying Hard Trying New Things Comedy Humor Comedy Absurd Comedy And Tragedy A Day

Book:Another dance in the flames

Source: Another dance in the flames

“Stop cribbing! Go, get a life. But then, perhaps you hate life. In that case, get a wife.”

Life Philosophy Good And Evil Funny Humor Happiness Advice Wellness Guru Philosophical Musings Philosophical Humor Comedy Absurd Comic Relief Naughty Humor

Author:Fakeer Ishavardas

“And why not—whatever despair we may feel concerning resurrection and reassemblage—find comic relief in the human determination to assert wholeness in the face of inevitable decay and fragmentation?”

Christianity Redemption Catholicism Resurrection Postmodernism Fragmentation Comedy Absurd Medieval History Medievalism New Historicism

Book:Fragmentation and Redemption: Essays on Gender and the Human Body in Medieval Religion

Source: Fragmentation and Redemption: Essays on Gender and the Human Body in Medieval Religion

“Frederica tells the park-keepers that Lufra is a purebred "Barcelona collie". Alverstoke catches on and says "No, Frederica! I TOLD you--it is a HOUND, from Baluchistan!" She: "Oh, you might have mentioned it was from ASIA! Very remote; the dog had to be smuggled out because the natives were hostile.”

Dogs Comedy Absurd Canine Humor

Author:Georgette Heyer

“This meeting of the Amphibious Skull Worshippers will come to order," I said out loud, and started giggling because the world was completely batshit and there were holes in the universe and people who went around stealing albino raccoons.”

Comedy Absurd

Book:The Hollow Places

Source: The Hollow Places

“Behind every successful man, is a Woman breathing through her mouth”

Humor Funny Woman Breath Successful Man Behind Comedy Absurd

Book:And That’s Why I’m Single

Source: And That’s Why I’m Single

“I despise Wednesdays! They are the Marquis de Sade of the work week. Wednesday are so awful that...wait..what? It's Thurs? (face-palm)”

Humor Comedy Humor Comedy Absurd

Author:L.G.A. McIntyre

“When I was a kid watching comedians on TV and listening to their records they were the only ones that could make it all seem okay. They seemed to cut through the bullshit and disarm fears and horror by being clever and funny. I don't think I could have survived my childhood without watching stand-up comics. When I started doing comedy I didn't understand show business. I just wanted to be a comedian. Now, after twenty-five years of doing stand-up and the last two years of having long conversations with over two hundred comics I can honestly say they are some of the most thoughtful, philosophical, open-minded, sensitive, insightful, talented, self-centred, neurotic, compulsive, angry, fucked-up, sweet, creative people in the world.”

Comedy Absurd

Author:Marc Maron

“Fortunately, most of our vital physiological functions are involuntary, as some amongst us would forget them.”

Biology Anatomy Amnesia Involuntary Physiological Biological Bodily Functions Comedy Absurd Don T Forget To Breathe Physiological Response

Author:Stewart Stafford

“It's not hope until you put your 'p' in a 'hoe'.”

Comedy Absurd

Author:Nagito Komaeda

“Masked by a pair of pink cotton panties, the man looks like some sort of deranged bank robber.”

Humor Comedy Humorous Comedy Absurd

Book:Squish the Fish: A Tale of Dating and Debauchery

Source: Squish the Fish: A Tale of Dating and Debauchery

“... she reflects for a moment and then mutters to herself, 'Maybe that shithead’s right? Maybe God does hate Buffalo?”

Humor Comedy Comedy Absurd

Book:Squish the Fish: A Tale of Dating and Debauchery

Source: Squish the Fish: A Tale of Dating and Debauchery

“How's my hair? Is there trouble in the west wing? (Refers to large curls.) These are actually my lungs. My Aquanet lungs. They kick in on the high notes.”

Fashion Identity Rockstars Drag Queen Uniqueness Of Individual Comedy Absurd Hairstyle

Book:Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Source: Hedwig and the Angry Inch

“A psychic told me I could be a medium. I told her that was impossible as I'm an extra large!”

Mediums Psychics Psychic Witty Quotes Humourous Situations Mediumship Comedy Absurd Psychic Ability Spiritualist Witty Quotations

Author:Stewart Stafford

“Hitler was a very persistent man and never gave up on anything except for games of tiddlywinks! If the Allies had known this, they could have scrapped the land, air and sea wars, turned World War II into the Tiddlywink Olympics, and ended the whole thing in six minutes instead of six years.”

Surrender World War Ii World War 2 Second World War Hitler Nazi Germany World War Two Adolf Hitler Comedy Absurd Tiddlywinks

Author:Stewart Stafford

“The tram almost ran me over when I tried to cross the street. The exhilaration made me remember the vials of Jägermesiter I had bought exactly for a moment like this.”

Funny Alcohol Alcoholism Drinking Alcohol Funny And Random Private Investigator Comedy Humor Comedy Absurd

Book:Another fall from grace

Source: Another fall from grace

“I've already made peace with the fact that I'm a lowly, stupid, insignificant human being who can't do anything right.”

Depressing Comedy Absurd

Author:Nagito Komaeda

“I fondly remember my very first menage a trois. The other two didn't show up but I had a great time.”

Humor Satire Comedy Absurd

Book:Great Failures of the Extremely Successful

Source: Great Failures of the Extremely Successful

“I don't want to speak...”

Humor Reality Science Satire Coronavirus Pandemic Psychedelic Parody Covid Comedy Absurd

Book:Pandemiconium: Viral Conspiracy

Source: Pandemiconium: Viral Conspiracy