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Quote by Stewart Stafford

“Fortunately, most of our vital physiological functions are involuntary, as some amongst us would forget them.”

Quote by Stewart Stafford

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Stewart Stafford

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“It's not hope until you put your 'p' in a 'hoe'.”

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“Masked by a pair of pink cotton panties, the man looks like some sort of deranged bank robber.”

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“... she reflects for a moment and then mutters to herself, 'Maybe that shithead’s right? Maybe God does hate Buffalo?”

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“How's my hair? Is there trouble in the west wing? (Refers to large curls.) These are actually my lungs. My Aquanet lungs. They kick in on the high notes.”

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“A psychic told me I could be a medium. I told her that was impossible as I'm an extra large!”

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Author:Stewart Stafford

“Fermium was discovered unexpectedly along with Einsteinium in debris from the first hydrogen bomb test, codenamed ‘Mike’, which took place in the Pacific on October 31, 1952. The debris was collected on filter papers attached to drone airplanes that flew through the explosion area. Later, to obtain more material, many hundreds of pounds of coral from the blast area were examined.”

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“Hitler was a very persistent man and never gave up on anything except for games of tiddlywinks! If the Allies had known this, they could have scrapped the land, air and sea wars, turned World War II into the Tiddlywink Olympics, and ended the whole thing in six minutes instead of six years.”

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“The tram almost ran me over when I tried to cross the street. The exhilaration made me remember the vials of Jägermesiter I had bought exactly for a moment like this.”

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“I've already made peace with the fact that I'm a lowly, stupid, insignificant human being who can't do anything right.”

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“I fondly remember my very first menage a trois. The other two didn't show up but I had a great time.”

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Book:Great Failures of the Extremely Successful

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