Quotessence
Home / Topics / Humorous Situations Quotes

Humorous Situations Quotes

Browse 18 quotes about Humorous Situations.

Humorous Situations Quotes

“Trust me… there are real, honorable men still out there. Do you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find him? Yes. Is it even worth it? Absolutely… so don’t give up too soon!”

Humorous QuotesDating QuotesDating AdviceHumor InspirationalHumor RelationshipsHumorous Situations
Book:What Cootchie Wash Do You Use? 13 Life Lessons and Real-Life Advice Learned from Online Dating
Create image

“Anaesthetic Aesthetic by Stewart Stafford Crumbs infesting my bedsheets, Sleeping sand in all the cracks, As a hijack tick on a giant horse, Awakened by deadening thudding. Body falling down the elevator shaft, Can you stop that instantly, friend? I cannot focus on all my work here, You should have water to cannonball. And another stiff just fell down that, Cool, go ahead if you have to leap, You won't see me cleaning that mess, Shattered carcasses, basement floor. © Stewart Stafford, 2022. All rights reserved.”

HumorHumourSurrealSurrealismBodiesHumorous SituationsMonty PythonJohn CleeseSurreal HumorSurreal Humour
Author:Stewart Stafford
Create image

“I’m not freaking out. I’m turned on. I’m thinking about sniffing your bed pillows like a weirdo, contemplating if it’d be better for you to bend me over the island or the couch, and my ovaries are basically exploding—pew, pew, pew—like fireworks because you’re so good with Chunky that I can imagine you as the one of those dads who’d play tea party with your daughter. And all of that is making me hot and nervous . . . and . . . and . . . I should stop talking now.”

LoveHumorRomanceLove StoryRomance NovelsRomantic ComedyAwkward MomentsForeplayHumorous SituationsOversharing
Book:Drop Dead Gorgeous
Create image

“And right now, some affiliates of the promiscuous persuasion were beckoning, urging the women to join their huge orgy. ‘Come have a go, ladyships!’ said one of the strumpets. Stella mustered a look so disapproving it made steel feel guilty for being hard. Unabated, the prostitute lit herself a cigarette and winked suggestively. ‘Will make it worth your while and no trouble.’ ‘Er.’ The strumpet sucked on her cigarette with gusto and hastily turned to Aurora. Under the heavy theatrical greasepaint, she saw a hint of black stubble. ‘What about you, hon? Ever swallowed a sword with its sheath?’ ‘Once,’ said Aurora through a wooden expression. ‘It didn’t end too well for the sword.’ ‘Oh leave ‘em be, Kevin,’ another strumpet butted in, as she adjusted the apples in her corset. She had a tall voice, coarse, rugged and edged; the sort of edge you cut protons on. ‘Doncha see they ‘av a lil’un with ‘em?’ ‘And I’ve a wife. What’s your point, Steve?’ the drag queen retorted. ‘Yer wife’s a corpse, mate.’ ‘Guess that makes me a necromancer.”

HumorousFunny QuotesFunny And RandomHilarious QuotesHumourous QuotesFunny As HellHumorous SituationsNeon Science Fiction
Book:5 Stars
Create image

“Well?" said Loki. "What about you, Heimdall? Do you have any suggestions?" "I do," said Heimdall. "But you won't like it." Thor banged his fist down upon the table. "It does not matter whether or not we like it," he said. "We are gods! There is nothing that any of us gathered here would not do to get back Mjollnir, the hammer of the gods. Tell us your idea, and if it is a good idea, we will like it." "You won't like it," said Heimdall. "We will like it!" said Thor. "Well," said Heimdall, "I think we should dress Thor as a bride. Have him put on the necklace of the Brisings. Have him wear a bridal crown. Stuff his dress so he looks like a woman. Veil his face. We'll have him wear keys that jingle, as women do, drape him with jewels -" "I don't like it!" said Thor. "People will think... well, for a start they'll think I dress up in women's clothes. Absolutely out of the question. I don't like it. I am definitely not going to be wearing a bridal veil. None of us like this idea, do we? Terrible, terrible idea. I've got a beard. I can't shave off my beard." "Shut up, Thor," said Loki son of Laufey. "It's an excellent idea.”

HumourHumorousWeddingGodsThorLokiHumorous Situations
Author:Neil Gaiman
Create image

“The Devil was waiting for me around the corner; camouflaged in the evening darkness, smiling with a wicked smile while entertaining the thought if he could tempt Jesus Christ with the kingdoms of the world and the glory of them, if he could tempt, Eve first and then Adam, to eat the forbidden fruit from the Garden of Eden what match would this glutton be before his destructive powers. This time instead of assuming the form of a vile serpent, he transformed himself into a demonic breeze that wafted out the delicious aromas from all eateries to my nostrils.”

Humorous Situations
Book:I Am Audacious
Create image

“An uninvited guest who makes appearances at public occasions with no warning. An unconditioned reflex that cannot obey the dictates of common sense or reason. A reflex that commits an act of betrayal just when one is about to excuse oneself from a populated room. A breaking wind that sometimes chooses the path of silence, at other times loudness. If one is born under lucky stars, one might make it to open spaces with no company just in time to expel the intestinal gas with an unpleasant odour. If star-crossed, a cough or a slight movement or even miscalculations in time to reach the door could cased the wind to explode in a way that compels those in the vicinity to shield their nostrils or turn their head sideways for fresh air in disgust. Farts are mortifying!”

Humorous Situations
Book:I Am Audacious
Create image

“To bein with, no other word other than a swear word conveys the right emotion of the person delivering it, If you're a person who says the F*** word, then you would know what I mean. There is no substitute for this priceless word as it denotes the emotion of the swearer with accuracy - anger, frustration, disappointment, etc. When a person calls another, 'You bi***h', he or she means that the other is cunning, manipulative, self-centred and is a person who uses others for their own vested interests. Correct me if I am wrong.”

Humorous Situations
Book:I Am Audacious
Create image

“To be a bathroom singer, one need not have an enthralling voice, need not sing in tune or have the right rhythm or beat. All it takes to qualify is to have a love for music and enthusiasm. It is not rare to come across bathroom singers in one's own family whose genuine efforts to sing a popular song could come across as braying to others as they are often loud, out of tune and out of breath. What we overlook in such situations is that they are connoisseurs of music. Fans of Bollywood and Hollywood films have no problems accepting actors and actresses, who in their roles of common men and women sing in the shower in perfect pitch, like a nightingale or a cuckoo.”

Humorous Situations
Book:I Am Audacious
Create image

“Casanovas who have had too many amorous relationships use possessiveness as a protective cloak in which they can hide their pretty girlfriends from the evil eyes of perverts. In reality, as they dread being exposed by their friends or girlfriends, they use possessiveness as an excuse to be secretive and to curtail the opportunities of their current girlfriends from discovering the truth about their true identities. Clueless about the selfish and self-centered motivation of the male partners, the women continue to bask in the attention they are receiving, which they often misunderstand as true love or genuine affection.”

Humorous Situations
Book:I Am Audacious
Create image