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Funny Quotes Quotes

Browse 507 quotes about Funny Quotes.

Funny Quotes Quotes

“Asking someone else to drive your sports car is like asking someone else to kiss your girlfriend.”

HeartHumorComedyCarTravelEmotionsSpeedWitDrivingWheelsVehicleRidingFunny QuotesMotorAutomobileAmit KalantriAmit Kalantri QuotesMotorcycleDriveRoad TripCarsFerrariSteeringNavigationStand Up ComedyWitty QuotesGpsBmwStand Up ComedianRolls RoyceNitrogenRideBentleyPilotRoadtripEngineHorsepowerLamborghiniDriverTorqueMercedes BenzOne LinersFordLexusAudiBikesHornJaguarMercedesChauffeurSteering WheelBrakesCar QuotesFour WheelerFront SeatGearLuxury CarBack SeatConvertibleMotorcarTwo WheelerWindshieldMclarenSports CarSpeeding Car
Book:Wealth of Words
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“(at the police station pantry) There’s a large tub of instant coffee on top of a humming fridge, plus a microwave that doesn’t look as if it’s been cleaned since the millennium bug was a thing. A page of A4 has been taped to the fridge with, STOP STEALING MY MILK, YA THIEVING SHITES written in large capital letters. Zoe asks if I want a tea, then sets a kettle boiling as we sit around a small table. Zoe nods along as the kettle clicks off. She raids the cupboard for a pair of teabags from a giant PG Tips box, then drops one in each of two mugs, before filling. Milk comes from the fridge, although it’s unclear if this is of the ‘thieving shites’ variety, and then Zoe sits across from me.”

HumourTeaMilkFunny QuotesFridgeShite
Book:The Tapes
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“If you call yourself an "authoress" on your Facebook profile, you suck at life. You are stupid and your children are ugly. It doesn't matter if you're just trying to be cute and original. You're not. You are about as original as all those other witless twits "writing" the one millionth shitty Fifty Shades clone. Or maybe you're trying to show your 2000 fake Facebook "friends" that you are an empowered feminist who will not stand for sexist terminology. But you're not showing people that you are fighting the good fight, you're showing people that you are a sheep, who's trying just a little too hard to ride the current wave of idiotic political correctness. The word "author" is no more gender-discrimination than the word "person." Do you call yourself a personess? No, of course not, because then you might as well wear a sign around your neck that says, "Hello, I'm a retard.”

HumorFunnyFeminismFeministStupidityDiscriminationAuthorWriterWritersSexismAnnoyingOriginalityGreyWriters On WritingFunny QuotesPersonHumorous QuotesAuthorsStupid PeoplePolitical CorrectnessPolitically CorrectFacebookRetardedFacebook QuotesFifty ShadesFifty Shades Of GreyAnnoying PeopleSheepleGender DiscriminationPolitically Correct CultureAuthoressUnoriginalFifty Shades Of Grey Humor
Author:Oliver Markus
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“We like to romanticize the wild, raw, majestic beauty of nature. But when you take a closer look, nature is really just a giant fuckfest. That beautiful bird chirping? It's a mating call. That pretty little bird is trying to get laid. And why does the peacock have such beautiful feathers? To attract females. Because he's trying to get laid. Animals in the wild spend their entire lives trying to stay alive, and to mate. That's it. They eat, they sleep, they fuck, they raise their offspring. That's the meaning of their lives.”

SexNatureSexualityFunny QuotesNature QuotesFunny But TrueRelationship Advice QuotesFuckFuckingMating Rituals
Book:Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends: Honest Relationship Advice for Women
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“i'd rather not look for a job... to let a fine one find me. And that definitely wouldn't define me as a snob!;)”

JobsFaithHopeOpportunityLuckFinding YourselfJobFunny QuotesNew JobSnobJob SeekingJob SearchHappinesBelieving In YourselfFinding One S PathBelieving In MiraclesBelieving In Your Abilities
Book:A-Z of Happiness: Tips for Living and Breaking Through the Chain that Separates You from Getting That Dream Job
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“This is an awesome(probably not very famous) one liner in hindi on engineers. I could not stop myself: Aamir Sarfraz (aamir rajput khan) "Chaar saal lagte hai insaan ko engineer banne mein phir chahe wo puri zindgi laga rahe dubara insaan nahi ban sakta" Translation in English: "It takes four years for a uman to become engineer after that even if he tries for whole life he can't become human again”

InspirationalEngineersFunny QuotesThoughts Of The MindAmazing QuotesWorlds Without End
Author:Aamir Sarfraz (aamir rajput khan)
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