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Funny Quotes Quotes

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Funny Quotes Quotes

“Get this: how many Weavers does it take to screw in a light bulb?' Kate folded her arms, her expression aloof. Acciper pensively scratched his beard, withholding his ignorance. 'One?' ventured Vivian. Lucian's boyish face split into a grin. His body filled up with the imminent rumble of laughter. 'Two Weavers. One holds the light bulb and the other one spins reality around it.”

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Book:The Book of Chaos
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“Politics to me was the whining of an old braggart too proud to admit his faults and too vain to try something new. All of their agendas and manifestos were nothing but a lucrative offer to deceive the fools and encourage the clever in deceiving more fools.”

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Book:Solemn Tales of Human Hearts
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“Literary award competitions are like social media platforms, and judging panels are their users. Submitting a book to a literary award competition is like sharing a post on social media—some praise its ideas, others reject them; some find it inspiring, others provoking; tragic to some, laughable to the rest.”

Funny QuotesLiterature QuotesEnglish QuotesLiterary AwardsLiterary PrizesPulitzer PrizeBooker PrizeHugo AwardNational Book Award For Fiction
Author:Mouloud Benzadi
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“People have always been vain. Can you imagine what it was like when some guy invented the first mirror? Maidens probably spent all day and night just staring at their own reflection in the dim candle light of their drafty castle tower, back when the first mirrors were cutting edge technology.”

HistoryVainNarcissismFunny QuotesNarcissisticVanity FairNarcissistsVanity Quotes
Book:The Ugly Truth About Self-Publishing: Not another cookie-cutter contemporary romance
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“So again, why are you climbing a tree?” Christine asked as she shielded her eyes from the sun. She and everyone else sat around on blankets watching Kellen help Stevie put her gear on. “I wanted to learn how to do it, and Kellen fixed up this dead tree for me. I want to show off my new skills, too, because Linden made fun of me,” Stevie said and struck a pose. “Be still, I’m trying to connect the climb line to your saddle,” Kellen said, focused on the task. Kenzie climbed onto Trent’s shoulders and made a face. “Uncle Linden says Aunt Stevie’s gonna break her butt.” “Thanks, Linden,” Stevie said and shot him a look. “She won’t.” Kyle laughed. “I’ve never seen so much safety equipment in my life. Kell, you forgot to bubble wrap her butt before you put the saddle on.” “Where’d you get them giant pads from?” Walt asked. “They’re the ones the track team at the school used to use for pole vaulting.” Kellen adjusted the chinstrap on Stevie’s helmet. “This is our exercise tree.” Stevie patted the trunk. “I want iron legs like Kellen’s, so she topped it for me, cut most of the branches off, and put out the pads. See how she spoils me?” “Yeah, she gave you what looks like fifty feet of dead tree,” Kyle said with a grin. “Most people just get flowers.” Trent snorted. “Nothing says love like a fifty-foot stump.” Kellen double-checked her own gear just in case Stevie got into trouble and she had to go up for her. “Okay, babe, don’t go past the fifteen-foot mark, trust your saddle when your legs get tired, pay attention to the depth of your spikes.” She patted Stevie’s cheek and whispered, “Now show them your monkey.”

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Book:Kellen's Moment
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“Only about 3 percent of animal species are monogamous. A couple of penguins, some otters and a few other oddball critters. To these select few it comes natural to mate for life and never look at another member of the opposite sex. Humans are not part of that little club. Like the other 97% of species, humans are not monogamous by nature. We just pretend that we are.”

FunnySexMarriageSexualityMarriage QuotesFunny QuotesNature Of ManFunny But TrueMonogamyMatingMarriage HumorSexuality QuotesNature Of LoveMonogamousSexuality Funny
Book:Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends
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“Next time a little edgelord comments "OK boomer" to troll you, just troll him right back and reply with "I bet you like chicken nuggets." All small children like chicken nuggets.”

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Book:Inside The Mind of an Introvert: Comics, Deep Thoughts and Quotable Quotes
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“Love is my favorite drug; I overdose on it regularly.”

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Author:Matshona Dhliwayo
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“Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.”

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Author:Matshona Dhliwayo
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“Be calm on your wedding day; she won’t kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.”

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Author:Matshona Dhliwayo
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“It's funny how a hello is always accompanied with a goodbye. It's funny how good memories can make you cry, it's funny how forever never seems to last, it's funny how much you would lose if you forgot about your past, it's funny how friends can just leave when you're down, it's funny how when you need someone they never are around, it's funny how people change and think they're so much better, it's funny how some many lies are packed into one love letter, it's funny how one night can hold so much regret, it's funny how you can forgive but not forget, it's funny how ironic life turns out to be, but the funniest part of all, is that none of that is funny to me.”

Funny QuotesFeelings QuotesBroken Promises QuotesPeople Change QuotesBeing Hurt QuotesBeing Disappointed Quotes
Author:Oscar Auliq-Ice
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“Christians believe: If you love God you go to heaven. If you don't go to heaven, you go to hell. So, if you don't love God, you go to hell. God created everything, including heaven and hell. So he created a torture chamber, in case you don't love him back. Crazy.”

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Book:Inside The Mind of an Introvert: Comics, Deep Thoughts and Quotable Quotes
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“If God had a wife He would be in just as much trouble as any man.”

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Author:Matshona Dhliwayo
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“Women never stalk men; they just research them intensely.”

Life QuotesLove QuotesRelationship QuotesLife Quotes And SayingsLove Quotes And SayingsLife QuotationsLove QuoteLove QuotationsFunny QuotesStalkingDating QuotesWomen QuotesLove Quotes And SayingLove Quotes For EverybodyLove Quotes LoveRelationship Advice For WomenHumor QuotesRelationship Advice For MenCourtship QuotesFunny QuotationsHumor QuoteHumor QuotationsStalking Women
Author:Matshona Dhliwayo
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“I said. “I’m fine. I have a little bit of a head ache, but I’m not dizzy or nauseous. I can walk and talk just fine, and I can remember everything.” “Everything, huh? Don’t self-diagnose, Doctor Fisher. Do you remember when the Battle of Bunker Hill was fought?” “The what?” “The Battle of Bunker Hill. We covered it in World Civ.” “No, we did not.” “We did, too. The unit on the American Revolution.” “Davin, that was like, two years ago! I don’t remember stuff like that!” “So, not everything.” “Everything important.” “That happens to have been a very significant battle,” Davin reminded me, in a smug tone.”

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Book:Tall, Dark Streak of Lightning
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