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Funny Quotes Quotes

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Funny Quotes Quotes

“I guess you can let me know at the same time whether I’ll be needing to put an ad up for a new bartender.” “Nah,” I told him. “I feel like I’ve really got a stake in this job, you know?” He stared at me for a long moment. “Someday,” he said, “I’ll figure out who started the thing with the bad vampire jokes, and fire them.”

VampiresFunny QuotesUrban Fantasy RomanceUrban Fantasy Series
Book:Vampire Bound: Book One
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“I don't agree with Freud's theory about women having penis envy. Don't get me wrong, gentlemen; your penises are great. I'm just not personally interested in possessing one myself. To be honest, the last thing I need is to worry about the size of another one of my body parts.”

HumorWomenFunny QuotesFreudPenis HumorPenis EnvyFreudian Psychoanalytic Theory
Book:Kiss My Asterisk - A Feisty Guide to Punctuation and Grammar
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“Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.”

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Author:Fakeer Ishavardas
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“The Weaveress squinted at the loom. While any other person would merely see a thickset of colour-flashing Threads, Ærinna saw cosmic events, destinies and the collective soul of countless beings. Some of them were about to kick the bucket and kick it well. They weren’t to die of any expected natural causes either – unless one counted being “woven out of the Pattern” either natural or expected.”

Death And DyingFunny QuotesSurreal QuotesWeaver Of OddsManipulating Reality
Book:The Weaver of Odds
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“Have you heard of the 'Deaths of Despair' epidemic in rural America? The quality of life in Republican-run red states is so bad, rednecks are literally killing themselves because they'd rather be dead than live in a Republican state for another day.”

DeathSuicideFunny QuotesDeath QuotesRepublicansTrump QuotesRepublicanismRed State MentalityDeaths Of DespairDeaths Of Despair Quotes
Book:How to Defeat the Trump Cult: Want to Save Democracy? Share This Book
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“You can't write an honest novel about race in this country. If you write about how people are really affected by race, it'll be too obvious. Black writers who do literary fiction in this country, all three of them, not the ten thousand who write those bullshit ghetto books with the bright covers, have two choices: they can do precious or they can do pretentious. When you do neither, nobody knows what to do with you. So if you're going to write about race, you have to make sure it's so lyrical and subtle that the reader who doesn't read between the lines won't even know it's about race. You know, a Proustian meditation, all watery and fuzzy, that at the end just leaves you feeling watery and fuzzy." "Or just find a white writer. White writers can be blunt about race and get all activist because their anger isn't threatening.”

RaceFunny QuotesRace RelationsRace In AmericaLiterature About Literature
Book:Americanah
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“We like to romanticize the wild, raw, majestic beauty of nature. But when you take a closer look, nature is really just a giant fuckfest. That beautiful bird chirping? It's a mating call. That pretty little bird is trying to get laid. And why does the peacock have such beautiful feathers? To attract females. Because he's trying to get laid.”

FunnyNatureBeautyWildernessAnimalsFunny QuotesNature QuotesWildlifeBirdsBeauty Of LifeNature Of ManFunny But TrueNature S BeautyBeauty In NatureMatingFuckFuckingBirdsongBeauty Of NatureMating RitualsPeacocksMating CallAnimals Mating
Book:Why Men And Women Can't Be Friends
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“Men looove pussy. They can never get enough of it. If you send a guy a pussy pic, he's gonna think you're awesome. And he assumes you feel the same way if he sends you an unsolicited dick pic. He loves jerking off while looking at pussy, and in his mind he's certain that you must love dick pics as much as he loves pussy pics. It is such a given to him, it never even occurred to him that it might not be true. If you have a dog, you know what I'm talking about. Sometimes a dog brings you his favorite toy in the whole world. And he puts it in your lap. Not because he wants you to throw it. This is not for him. This is for you. He wants you to have it. When you look at his toy, all you see is a dirty old sock, covered in crusty dried dog spit. But that's not what he sees. To him that sock is the most awesome thing in the whole world. And he is putting The Most Awesome Thing In The Whole World in your lap. Then he sits down in front of you and stares into your eyes as if to say: "This is my gift to you. May it give you the same endless hours of joy and happiness that it has given me." And that's exactly what men think when they send you a dick pic.”

Funny QuotesDogsFunny But TrueFunny And RandomDog QuotesPenis HumorPenis JokesDick JokesDick PicsCreepy Dude
Book:Why Creeps Don't Know They're Creeps - What Game of Thrones can teach us about relationships and Hollywood scandals
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“An inch to a man’s heart is a mile to his wallet.”

Life QuotesLove QuotesLife Quotes And SayingsLove Quotes And SayingsLife QuotationsLove QuoteLife QuoteHeart QuotesMarriage QuotesLove QuotationsFunny QuotesLife Quotes Inspirational QuotesHumorous QuotesWoman QuotesLovers QuotesLove Quotes And SayingHeart QuotationsFalling In Love QuotesHumor QuotesWoman QuotationsGirl QuotesGirlfriend QuotesHumorous QuotationsFunny QuoteMan QuotesFunny QuotationsHumor QuoteHumor QuotationsGold DiggersRich Man Quotes
Author:Matshona Dhliwayo
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“Ashe, the tavern keeper, pointed at it while beaming with pride. ‘That’s ours, right there! The fat one, docked on the starboard.’ ‘”Death by Water”?’ Kate folded her arms. ‘You named your smuggling ship, “Death by Water”?’ ‘Fitting name for a Miramesh ship, ain’t it? All northern vessels have something with “death” in their name. I figured it be a luckier name than my last smuggling boat, “The Unsinkable II”,’ he chuckled. Kate’s eyes flashed bright green. ‘The Unsinkable II? What happened to “The Unsinkable I”?’ Ashe took one last swig out of his hip flask, then poured its remaining contents on the ground. Kate suddenly decided she was not that interested in ships.”

Funny QuotesFantasy FictionLouise Blackwick QuotesSinking ShipVivian Amberville QuotesBoats QuotesThe Book Of Chaos
Book:The Book of Chaos
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