Best Stand Up Comedian Quotes | Short & Famous Sayings

“Comedians are the most ruthless critics in the world.”

Comedy Humour Laughter Jokes Criticism Critics Comedian Laugh Stand Up Comedy Stand Up Comedian

Book:Wealth of Words

Source: Wealth of Words

“Some so-called comedians are, not funny, but a joke.”

Comedy Jokes Comic Comedian Joke Comics Stand Up Comedy Stand Up Comedian Comedians Stand Up Comedians

Author:Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“You can't take a crash course in comedy, there is no crash course in comedy.”

Humor Funny Comedy Humour Laughter Wit Joke Amit Kalantri Quotes Comics Stand Up Comedian

Book:Wealth of Words

Source: Wealth of Words

“Humour is healthy for humans.”

Humor Comedy Humour Health Laughter Jokes Sense Of Humor Lol Stand Up Comedian Laughing Out Loud

Book:Wealth of Words

Source: Wealth of Words

“Asking someone else to drive your sports car is like asking someone else to kiss your girlfriend.”

Source: Wealth of Words

“The really good stand up comedians can be angry but relatable, and they have interestingly humanizing personalities. Their observational skills are far greater than mine, so I'll just stick to reading lines off a page.”

Reading Lines Greater Mines Personality Skills Pages Angry Sticks Comedian Relatable Stand Up Comedian

Author:Kunal Nayyar

“I've loved the Internet space in terms of creative content control and ownership, the things I haven't had since I started as a stand-up comedian.”

Term Space Creative Havens Internet Comedian Ownership Stand Up Comedian

Author:Kevin Pollak

“I've been pitching a show of five female stand-up comedians through the generations, from Phyllis Diller to Amy Schumer, so when I got an e-mail asking me if I would participate in the Women in Comedy Festival, I was thrilled.”

Ifs Shows Five Comedy Generations Female Asking Comedian Mail Festivals Pitching Amy Stand Up Comedian

Author:Wendy Liebman

“I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry.”

People Firsts Persons Said Acting Class Laughing Saws Teacher Cry I Realized Quitting Comedian They Said Acting Classes Stand Up Comedian

Author:Wendy Liebman

“You work with stand-up comedians or you work with somebody in theater, you work with somebody from Star Search or Survivor or a kid, it constantly changes how you play with people.”

People Play Kids Stars Theater Comedian Survivor Stand Up Comedian

Author:Steve Zahn

“I was influenced by a lot of stand-up comedians... Eddie Murphy back when he was doing 'Raw.' I watched that so many times as a kid, I can probably still quote the entire thing to this day. Chris Rock. Dave Chappelle. George Carlin. A lot of the guys who were sort of edgy for their time.”

Stills I Can Kids Guy Rocks Comedian This Day Back When Dave Edgy Murphy Stand Up Comedian

Author:Ray William Johnson

“I spent 25 years as a stand-up comedian.”

Years Comedian Stand Up Comedian

Author:Steven Michael Quezada

“I was a stand-up comedian for 10 years, if you can believe it. And I gave it up at age 22.”

Ifs Years Believe Age Comedian Stand Up Comedian

Author:Samm Levine

“I wanted to do the comic strip. I tried to get it syndicated, and I sent some examples to a syndication company, and they sent me a rejection letter! I wasn't smart enough at the time to realize you shouldn't let rejection letters stop you. I thought that rejection letter meant I was not allowed to be a cartoonist in this world, so I put the rejection letter down and said, well, I'll be a stand-up comedian.”

World Wells Said Enough Wanted Realizing Company Example This World Smart Letters Down And Comic Comedian Rejection Cartoonist Comic Strips Stand Up Comedian Rejection Letters

Author:Brian Regan

“I tell people I'm a stand-up comedian two hours a week. The rest of the time, I'm somebody's husband, I'm somebody's father. I'm a man. I take great pride in that.”

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Author:Steve Harvey

“I started out as a stand-up comedian. And that's what I'm most comfortable doing.”

Comfortable Comedian Stand Up Comedian

Author:Eddie Murphy

“Ive been a stand-up comedian for years, and I can be silly.”

Years I Can Silly Comedian Being Silly Stand Up Comedian

Author:Diane Neal

“A stand-up comedian faces the audiences and gets their immediate feedback. I hide behind the comic strip, and unless people write to me, I dont know what they think.”

People Thinking Knows Writing Faces Behinds Audience Comic Comedian Feedback Comic Strips Stand Up Comedian

Author:Stephan Pastis

“Conclusions are based in time. We live in time. So any definition of success is bound up with time. With other things you can say, "Can I yo-yo? Can I juggle?" Usually you have a pretty small window in which to get your answer. Stand-up is different. You can't do stand-up for one night and say, "Am I a funny stand-up comedian?" In two months or two years you'll start to realize it.”

Years Two Different Night Realizing Answers Months Window Bounds Definitions Conclusion Comedian Two Years One Night Two Months Definition Of Success Stand Up Comedian

Author:Demetri Martin

“I'm best known as a stand-up comedian, but I'm a good actor in the right role.”

Actors Known Roles Comedian Good Actors Stand Up Comedian

Author:Marcus Brigstocke

“To be No. 1 on the 'New York Times' best-seller list, well, that's alarming. Having been a stand-up comedian, I think it's surprising to a lot of people that I had the insight I had.”

People Thinking Wells New York Insight Lists Comedian Surprising New York Times Sellers Best Sellers Stand Up Comedian

Author:Steve Harvey

“When you're in Hollywood and you're a comedian, everybody wants you to do other things. All right, you're a stand-up comedian, can you write us a script? That's not fair. That's like if I worked hard to become a cook, and I'm a really good cook, they'd say, "OK, you're a cook. Can you farm?"”

Ifs Want Writing Hard Humor Funny Fairs Hollywood Scripts Cooks Comedian Farms Not Fair Stand Up Comedian Good Cook

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I wouldn't mind gigging around the same era as Jesus, after he gives his speech about the meek and how blessed they are and all that type of bullshit, going up there and doing a flat 20 [minutes]. I reckon I'd have better stagecraft and presence than Jesus. Yea, I'm a better stand-up comedian than Jesus, so I reckon I could go on after him.”

Giving Mind Jesus Minutes Type Goes On Speech Blessed Eras Comedian Flats Bullshit Meek Stand Up Comedian Stagecraft

Author:Jim Jefferies

“In the stand-up comedy top, there's room for everyone - if you're good, there's room for everyone. You'll put on your own show - no one casts you. You cast your own show as a stand-up comedian. When you get good at stand-up comedy you book a theater and if people show up, people show up. If people don't show up, people don't show up. You don't have a director or a casting agent or anybody saying if you're good enough - the audience will decide.”

People Ifs Book Enough Shows Rooms Audience Comedy Directors Theater Casts Agents Comedian Good Enough Casting Stand Up Comedy Stand Up Comedian

Author:Jim Jefferies

“For stand-up comedians that go onstage and get to write and perform and direct, and do all these things, the allure of a television show is still there but if it doesn't offer a level of creative fulfillment, it's oddly unappealing.”

Ifs Writing Stills Shows Levels Creative Television Offers Direct Comedian Fulfillment Television Shows Allure Stand Up Comedian

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“Canadian comedians are generally more well-rounded... They have to do a lot more. In order to have a career in this country, you have to do everything. And in the States you can narrow-cast, you can be just a sitcom performer or a stand-up comedian or a sketch performer.”

Wells Country States Order Careers Casts Comedian Performers Sitcom Well Rounded Stand Up Comedian

Author:Scott Thompson

“The skill of a good actor is to make it always seem like you're in that fantastically spontaneous moment. Very often, a stand-up comedian has a different instinct, which is to reinvent. Once you've laid down some material, and made them laugh, you move on and find some new material.”

Made Different Moments Seems Moving Actors Laughing Materials Like You Skills Instinct Comedian Spontaneous Good Actors Stand Up Comedian

Author:Colin Firth

“Phunny Business is a breezy, vivid, funny, star-studded and delightful valentine to comedy, entrepreneurship and the All-American impulse to make something out of nothing. The story of comedy club owner/inveterate dreamer Raymond Lambert and his heroic quest to create a safe, productive place for black stand-up comedians to hone their craft and find their voices isn't just a great Chicago story and a great comedy story: it's a flat-out great story, lovingly and engagingly told.”

“I am trying to work out what my taste is, comedy-wise. I look up to stand up comedians who appear to be telling the truth, but I don't mind if they are lying.”

Ifs Trying Mind Looks Lying Comedy Wise Taste Work Out Comedian Look Up Telling The Truth Stand Up Comedian

Author:Jessie Cave

“I come from the stage. I started my career as a stand-up comedian and then later on became an actor.”

Actors Careers Stage Comedian Stand Up Comedian

Author:Patrick Huard

“Whoever calls and asks me to do stuff and obviously, with having your own TV show, people want you to get involved. They know you're a stand-up comedian so they're always looking for somebody funny to host an event.”

People Knows Want Shows Asks Stuff Events Tvs Involved Comedian Ask Me Host Tv Shows Get Involved Stand Up Comedian

Author:Chelsea Handler

“The real focus at first is to just become a good stand-up comedian, and then when you get to a certain level, then they allow you to do other things. You feel if you're overwhelmed by something or if you're not.”

Ifs Feels Firsts Real Certain Levels Focus Comedian Overwhelmed Stand Up Comedian

Author:Jon Stewart

“This is a dream come true. HBO is the highest echelon in the world for a stand-up comedian to attain. Throughout my career I've trusted my instincts to lead me down the right path, and I am honored to work together with this network while contributing to the legacy that is HBO.”

World Dream Together Careers Path Highest Instinct Legacy Comedian Working Together Trusted Honored Dreams Come True Contributing Leading Me Right Path Hbo Stand Up Comedian

Author:Dane Cook

“So I kept it to myself. Then some of my classmates started to come down to the comedy club, taking a girl out, and they started finding out I was a stand-up comedian.”

Girl Comedy Findings Clubs Comedian Classmates Stand Up Comedian Comedy Clubs

Author:Chris Tucker

“I don't consider myself a stand-up comedian. I consider myself a performer; a comic as opposed to stand-up comedian. Stand-up comedians stand there and do their bits; I break every rule in creation. If there's a rule that can be broken in stand-up, I'll do it.”

Ifs Bits Break Creation Broken Comic Comedian Performers Stand Up Comedian

Author:J. B. Smoove

“I've been in radio, God, twenty years. I started as a stand-up comedian. I wanted to be Carol Burnett when I was growing up. Radio was just kind of an accident. I did morning radio in my hometown of Buffalo, then went to Rochester, then Chicago, and then New York.”

Years Kind Wanted Morning Growing Up Growing New York Twenties Radio Accidents Comedian Chicago Hometown Carols Buffalo Stand Up Comedian Rochester

Author:Stephanie Miller

“I also could see myself as a stand-up comedian, a fashion designer (for people of all sizes), a hairdresser, an earnest and eventually burnt-out politician, or the owner of a small bistro. But I fear that, without poetry, I would have simply been going through the motions.”

People Fashion Politician Size Comedian Designer Owners Earnest Fashion Designer Hairdresser Stand Up Comedian Burnt Out Bistro

Author:Denise Duhamel

“I started as a stand-up comedian. I wanted to be Carol Burnett when I was growing up.”

Wanted Growing Up Growing Comedian Carols Stand Up Comedian

Author:Stephanie Miller

“I'm very much a stand-up comedian in my heart. That's really what I do. Now I'm trying to incorporate all of the different elements of my work as a performer, and use it as a stand-up comedian.”

Trying Heart Different Use My Heart Elements Comedian Performers Stand Up Comedian

Author:Margaret Cho

“I love standup comedians. I really do.”

Comedian Stand Up Comedian

Author:Jim Gaffigan

“I play a garbage man who moonlights as a stand-up comedian. Terrible.”

Men Play Terrible Comedian Garbage Moonlight Stand Up Comedian

Author:Judd Nelson

“It's like being a stand-up comedian is what leads to being a talk-show host. That life is not cut out for a woman, being on the road at these disgusting hotels. What girls want to do that? Gross guys want to do that. I think that the dearth in female comics is just the nature of the business, but there certainly isn't a dearth anymore, so I think it's just silly.”

Thinking Want Shows Life Is Guy Girl Cutting Female Silly Comedian Hotel Host Disgusting Gross Talk Shows Stand Up Comedian

Author:Chelsea Handler

“I usually just say I'm a stand-up comedian, but I use looping machines to create ideas with my voice.”

Ideas Use Voice Machines Comedian Stand Up Comedian

Author:Reggie Watts

“I had to write a comedy set and film a show at the same time. And it's the second time I've been up on stage as a stand-up comedian with untested material. I was saying it out loud for the first time that night. It didn't go how I expected, but in the best possible way.”

Way Writing Firsts Shows Film Night Comedy Stage Materials First Time Expected Comedian Loud Stand Up Comedian

Author:Zach Anner

“Branne's [Pavlovic] parents wanted him to become a taxi driver, but he became a stand-up comedian instead. So they died of shame.”

Wanted Parent Died Shame Comedian Drivers Taxi Stand Up Comedian

Author:Aron Flam

“If you want to be a stand-up comedian or an artist, you move to New York.”

Ifs Want Moving Artist New York Comedian Stand Up Comedian

Author:T. J. Miller

“George Carlin was great right up to the end of his life. But Richard Pryor was probably the best, most gifted stand-up comedian who will ever live.”

Ends Comedian Gifted Stand Up Comedian

Author:Denis Leary

“It's also that comedians don't have the kind of narcissism that actors have. They're writers who perform their own material. It's more interesting. And they're sexy because they risk more. Stand-up comedians risk more than anyone.”

Kind Actors Interesting Risk Materials Sexy Comedian Narcissism Stand Up Comedian

Author:Rachel Weisz

“A stand-up comedian will never be the life of a party. Instead, he will be the guy who is standing at a corner and observing people.”

People Guy Party Standing Corners Comedian Observing Stand Up Comedian

Author:Vir Das

“I'm a stand-up comedian-turned-actor-turned-vampire at night.”

Night Actors Vampire Comedian Stand Up Comedian

Author:Vir Das

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Stand Up Comedian Quotes