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Denis Leary

Denis Leary Quotes

Actor

Denis Leary, born on August 18, 1957, is a renowned American actor. Known for his distinctive humor and profound character portrayals, he has starred in numerous television series and films.

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Famous Denis Leary Quotes

“When I clicked into this idea of doing a band and examining a band as a dysfunctional family, I wanted to reverse that Rescue Me formula.”

Ideas Wanted Band Formulas Rescue Reverse Examining Dysfunctional Family Rescue Me

Author:Denis Leary

“When I first got famous, Greg Dulli was also just starting to cook with the Afghan Whigs, and because of the MTV awards I met Dave Grohl and Nirvana and all these rock and roll bands. So I had experience with what it was like when people were taking off at that time.”

People Firsts Rocks Mets Band Starting Cooks Awards Rock And Roll Dave Mtv Afghan

Author:Denis Leary

“One of the things I always believed in was my dad came to America and he was a very talented musician, but he couldn't make a living that way so he had to support his family as an auto mechanic which he also loved doing. He was also such a great dad because when I first told him I thought I wanted to go into show business, his response was okay, that's interesting.”

Way Firsts Shows Wanted America Interesting Support Dad Musician Okay Response My Dad Mechanic Show Business Always Believe Great Dad Auto Mechanic Talented Musicians

Author:Denis Leary

“Dustin Hoffman said this one time, that if he hadn't made it as a film star, he would still be happy as a character actor because he was a character actor because of his face from day one, so he would always work in the theater.”

Ifs Made Said Stills Character Film Faces Actors Stars Theater Made It One Time Character Actors Film Stars

Author:Denis Leary

“My wife and I were poor when I started but we struggled along until things happened for me in my thirties. I knew I was doing what I loved even if I wasn't getting paid for it, so I think I'd still be doing it.”

Ifs Thinking Stills Poor Wife Happened Paid My Wife Things Happen

Author:Denis Leary

“I'm one of the people that when I wake up I have to do what I do. It's not like I want to do it. I kind of have to do it.”

People Want Kind Wake Up

Author:Denis Leary

“I'm no prophet and I'm no genius, but I can only tell you what I seem to know. As a fan of television and the movies, I think it's all for the better.”

Thinking Knows I Can Seems Fans Television Genius Prophet

Author:Denis Leary

“Everything you look at now, the scripts that come in that you look at, the television scripts are way better than the movie script. The talent is going to television.”

Way Looks Talent Television Scripts

Author:Denis Leary

“I have good kids, I love my kids. I try to bring them up the right way, not spanking them. I find that I don't have to spank them. I find that waving the gun around pretty much gets the same job done!”

Way Trying Done Humor Kids Funny Jobs Gun Right Way Spanking I Love My Kids Love My Kids

Author:Denis Leary

“There are about a thousand different variations on a horse neigh. Some of them sound like a horse having sex, some of them like a horse having sad sex.”

Different Sex Sound Thousand Horse Variation Having Sex

Author:Denis Leary

“When you write about real life, there's always a chance that somebody involved is going to see it and get upset.”

Writing Real Chance Involved Real Life Upset

Author:Denis Leary

“I didn't raise my kids with the fear of God.”

Author:Denis Leary

“I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day!”

Humor Funny Thousand Seven Smoke Packs

Author:Denis Leary

“I was reading an interview with Keith Richards in a magazine and in the interview Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs. Keith Richards! Says that kids should not do drugs! Keith, we can't do any more drugs because you already f-king did them all, alright? There's none left! We have to wait 'til you die and smoke your ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk about the pot and the f-kin' kettle.”

Should Kids Dies Reading Jesus Left Waiting Christ Kings Drug Jesus Christ Magazines Smoke Interviews Pot Ashes Alright Keith Kettles

Author:Denis Leary

“I'm gonna get one of those tracheotomies, so I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time! I'm gonna get nine tracheotomies, all around my neck, I'll be Tracheotomy Man! He can smoke a pack at a time, he's Tracheotomy Man!”

Men I Can Two Humor Funny Nine Smoke Necks Cigarette Packs

Author:Denis Leary

“I'm the Lord of the Dance! F-k Michael Flatley, it's me!”

Author:Denis Leary

“Peter Falk and Denis Leary today walked into a Starbucks and shot 27 people, without any announcement whatsoever.”

People Humor Today Funny Shots Peter Starbucks Announcements

Author:Denis Leary

“Did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: "I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing."”

Feels Looks Important Self Humor Funny Guy Lost Months Discipline Important Things Seven Fats Feel Good Pounds Coming Out Self Discipline Hostage Lebanon I Feel Good Seven Months

Author:Denis Leary

“Personally, I think Jim Henson said it best when he said "Anybody got an aspirin? I think I've got a cold."”

Thinking Said Humor Funny Cold Aspirin

Author:Denis Leary

“I just think it's difficult for them to see the forest for the trees right now, which I can't blame them for, given the circumstances they found themselves in.”

Thinking I Can Humor Funny Found Given Difficult Tree Circumstances Right Now Blame Forests

Author:Denis Leary

“It became sort of a snowball effect, with guys trying to deal in their own way with 9/11, whether it was drinking or whatever.”

Way Trying Humor Funny Guy Deals Effects Drinking Snowball Snowball Effect

Author:Denis Leary

“The filter's the best part. That's where they put the heroin.”

Humor Funny Heroin Filters

Author:Denis Leary

“I'm sick and tired of our generation being called the TV generation. What do you expect? We watched Lee Harvey Oswald get his brains blown out all over. How could we change the channel after that?”

Humor Funny Brain Generations Tvs Sick Tired Our Generation Harvey

Author:Denis Leary

“You know why the French hate us so much? Thay gave us the croissant. And you know what we did with it? We turned it into our croissandwich, thank you very much.”

Knows Humor Funny Hate Croissants

Author:Denis Leary

“I tried eating vegetarian. I felt like a wimp going into a restaurant. "What do you want to eat sir? Broccoli?" Broccoli's a side dish, folks. Always was, always will be, OK! When they ask me what I want, I say: What do you think I want? This is America. I want a bowl of raw red meat right now.”

Thinking Want Humor Funny America Asks Felt Sides Right Now Eating Red Folks Ask Me Meat Restaurants Vegetarian Bowls Dishes Broccoli Red Meat Wimps Side Dishes

Author:Denis Leary

“I take music pretty seriously. You see that scar on my wrist? You see that? You know where that's from? I heard the Bee Gees were getting back together again. I couldn't take it, OK!”

Knows Humor Funny Together Heard Scar Bees Wrists Back Together Together Again Back Together Again Getting Back Together Bee Gees

Author:Denis Leary

“Heavy Metal fans are buying Heavy Metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and then blowing their heads off with shotguns? Where's the problem? That's an unemployment solution right there, folks! It's called natural selection.”

Problem Home Humor Funny Natural Records Fans Listening Solutions Folks Heavy Buying Metals Unemployment Selection Natural Selection Heavy Metal Shotguns Metal Fans

Author:Denis Leary

“That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did. Because if he lived to be 40, he would have ended up like Elvis. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheeseburger and french fries right now.”

Ifs Giving Humor Bigs Funny Jesus Sides Black Son Walking Right Now Give Me Died Glad Fats Beer Damn Guts Jerusalem Fries French Fries Cheeseburger

Author:Denis Leary

“This is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh yeah! There are so many ways to die in New York City! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway crashes, construction cranes collapsing on the sidewalks, manhole covers blowing up and asbestos shooting into the sky.”

World Way Humor Funny Dies Race Cities Sky New York Exciting Yeah Shooting New York City Construction Crash Riot Places In The World Subway Sidewalk Cranes Blowing Up Asbestos Race Riots

Author:Denis Leary

“Yeah, I love living in New York, man, and people who live in New York, we wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve because we know that fact impresses everybody! I was in Vietnam. So what? I live in New York!”

People Knows Men Facts Humor Funny New York Yeah Vietnam Impress Sleeves Badges

Author:Denis Leary

“Most people think, "Life sucks, and then you die." I disagree. I think life sucks. Then you get cancer. Then you go into chemotherapy. You lose all your hair, you feel bad about yourself. Then all of the sudden the cancer goes into remission, and then all of the sudden you have a stroke. You can't move your right side. And then, maybe, you die.”

People Thinking Feels Humor Funny Moving Dies Sides Loses Hair Cancer About Yourself Disagree Strokes Chemotherapy Remission Life Sucks

Author:Denis Leary

“"Yeah, well, if you eat red meat, it stays in your colon for fifteen years!" Good! I paid for it; I want it in my ass, okay? I want them to find a meat sweater from my esophagus to my asshole when they open me up in the end! "This guy's covered in meat! He's Meat-Man! He's Meat-Tracheotomy-Man!"”

Ifs Men Want Years Wells Ends Humor Funny Guy Red Okay Paid Yeah Ass Meat Covered Fifteen This Guy Sweaters Fifteen Years Red Meat

Author:Denis Leary

“Don't buy the toys that make the noise!”

Humor Funny Noise Toys

Author:Denis Leary

“I love to smoke. I love to eat red meat. I'll only eat red meat that comes from cows who smoke, ok!? Special cows they grow in Virginia with voice boxes in their necks. "Moo"”

Funny Grows Voice Comedy Special Red Boxes Smoke Meat Necks Cows Virginia Red Meat

Author:Denis Leary

“On a movie, you have a great time, and you're really enjoying the work, and then everybody is done and goes their separate ways, and you maybe never get to work with those people again.”

People Way Done Enjoy Great Times Separate Ways

Author:Denis Leary

“There's nothing wrong with an actor that can't improvise, but if you're going to improvise, you gotta make sure you got people that can play the game.”

People Ifs Play Actors Games

Author:Denis Leary

“At some level, you've got to have the ability to - especially in film and in front of the camera, you got to have the ability to drop into character and close off the entire crew and the camera and everything else.”

Character Film Ability Levels Fronts Cameras Crew

Author:Denis Leary

“People are disappointed that you aren't exactly who they thought you were, as opposed to somebody who's just walking around trying to get some laundry done.”

People Trying Done Walking Disappointed Laundry

Author:Denis Leary

“You get to a certain point, especially if you're a comedian, where people think certain things. It's like, I don't take the time to explain it to people, it's just part of what I do.”

People Ifs Thinking Certain Comedian

Author:Denis Leary

“It's human nature for people to expect people to be what they see on the screen.”

People Humans Human Nature Screens

Author:Denis Leary

“It's hard to have a film and television career and do music work at the same time.”

Hard Film Careers Television Film And Television

Author:Denis Leary

“You really want to have a back-up plan, so when you don't feel like acting, or you're getting older and settling down, you can produce your own stuff. So that's when I set about forming my own company and getting creative control.”

Want Feels Stuff My Own Acting Company Creative Plans Produce Settling Getting Old Getting Older Settling Down

Author:Denis Leary

“Worrying about tomorrow is the best way to screw up today.”

Way Today Worry Tomorrow Best Way Screws Screw Ups

Author:Denis Leary

“All knowledge is ultimately rooted in metaphorical (or analogical) modes of perception and thought.”

Perception Rooted Metaphorical

Author:Denis Leary

“When I become president, all you assholes that ride bikes in the city? Lock and load! You're going down!”

President Cities Load Locks Bike

Author:Denis Leary

“Sin is in, and so we begin.”

Author:Denis Leary

“Marriage is like a dull meal with the dessert at the beginning.”

Meals Dull Dessert

Author:Denis Leary

“I'm in my truck talking to Jesus. And you can see a World Series ring on my right pinkie finger. But when I take my sunglasses off a second later, it's gone. It's the whole divine intervention thing. You know Jesus had something to do with them winning.”

Knows World Whole Jesus Winning Talking Gone Divine Series Fingers Rings Truck Intervention Divine Intervention Sunglasses World Series

Author:Denis Leary

“Jerry Lewis has been married twenty times. He gets married on a Tuesday, they find his wife dead in a swimming pool on Thursday. Maybe if you married someone who's old enough to swim next time, Ok Jerry?”

Ifs Has Beens Enough Next Wife Married Twenties Swim Swimming Pool Next Time Jerry Tuesday Thursday Swimming Pool

Book:No Cure for Cancer

Source: No Cure for Cancer

“You just can't win. Men have very recent land mines in their heads. Women have recorded conversations and photographs in their heads from 15 years ago.”

Men Years Winning Land Mines Conversation Years Ago Photograph Can't Win

Author:Denis Leary

About the Author

Born: August 18, 1957
Known for: Actor
Quotes: 239

Related Topics

Funny Humor People Ifs Thinking Knows Guy Want Actors Character

Popular Topics

People Ifs Thinking Knows Men World Way Want Love Life Inspirational Needs Giving Feels Should Writing Trying Years Mind Firsts

Books & Sources

No Cure for CancerRelated source material

Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and StupidRelated source material

Why We Don't Suck: And How All of Us Need to Stop Being Such Partisan Little BitchesRelated source material

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