“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
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Famous Steven Wright Quotes
Source: Harold
“Looking at the wingless angel Harold firmly believed her shadow should be in color.”
Source: Harold
“Once I tried to kill myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.”
Source: Harold
“When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.”
“There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”
“I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it”
“I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.”
“I just got this new camera. It's very advanced - you don't even need it.”
“When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.”
“I saw a sign: "Rest Area 25 Miles". That's pretty big. Some people must be really tired.”
“When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.”
“Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?”
“I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.”
“Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.”