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Famous Mitch Hedberg Quotes
“I like wearing necklaces, because it lets me know when I'm upside down.”
“If you're a fish and you want to be a fish-stick, you have to have very good posture.”
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
“I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.”
“I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.”
“Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.”
“Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?”
“I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.”
“I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.”
“I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.”
“I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me.”
“When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.”