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Famous Steven Wright Quotes
“If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.”
“If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?”
“If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?”
“If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?”
“If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?”
“If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?”
“If you melt dry ice in a pool and go swimming, will you get wet?”
“Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?”
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.”
“Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.”
“If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?”
“If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?”
“If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?”
“If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?”
“If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?”
“If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.”
“If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?”
“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”