“I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.”
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Famous Steven Wright Quotes
“I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.”
“I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be. I called someone. They went "Aaaaahhhh..."”
“I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.”
“I used to work at a health food store. I got fired for drinking straight Bosco on the job.”
“I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.”
“My school colors were clear. We used to say, 'I'm not naked, I'm in the band.”