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“He was more relaxed this time, more confident. He kept one hand on her waist and the other on the side of her neck. She wanted him to envelop her, to engulf her. She wanted to feel his body all around her, all over her. She wanted to get inside his clothes, inside his body and inside his mind. She wanted him, there was no doubt about it. There was no doubt about him wanting her either. His kisses were passionate and hungry but still had that carefulness about them, as if he worried she might break under his touch or evaporate into thin air. She was more concerned that the lack of his touch might make her implode.”

“Gary never stopped being a rock star, not even on his days off. He vanished into the bathroom for a long time to fix his hair and dressed in black skinny jeans accompanied by a red belt with three different chains hanging from it. His t-shirt had diagonal, red and black stripes on it, and his red canvas shoes were as seen on TV. It was hard to say whether Gary had dressed and behaved like a rock star from a young age or if he had assumed his role so well that he couldn’t even give it up in his spare time.”

“The moment I opened my eyes on Suse and Jonah’s wedding day, there was only one thing on my mind – Gary. I knew he was in town, and his presence was everywhere. It was in the sheets on my bed, it wrapped itself around me in the shape of my bathrobe and stirred into my coffee with the sugar. The stupid thing was that I didn’t even know if he was in town yet. Maybe he was still on the way.”

“She reached her hand behind her back and grabbed his. She could just as easily have gripped another part of him because she wasn’t looking. She was wearing gloves, the thin kind, but he wasn’t. He had forgotten to bring them, and it wasn’t cold. Even if it had been, he wouldn’t have noticed it. Inside him, it was like a sunny summer’s day on a Cornish beach – complete with a light breeze that ensured it wasn’t too lovely. He worried that she didn’t realise she was holding his hand. She probably didn’t want to hold anybody’s hand and particularly not his.”

“To her surprise, he took her hand and raised it to his lips. For a moment, Claire couldn’t see his face properly. When he let go of her hand and looked up at her again, there was a peculiar expression on his face. It was full of longing, and it went so deep that Claire’s heart shattered. She didn’t feel sympathy for him. It was more a case of feeling a similar yearning, and it seemed to push her heart all the way to the back of her ribcage where it was being strangled against her spine and was likely to be squeezed out of life.”

“He had not been sleeping well over Christmas. Actually, he hadn’t been doing anything well over Christmas – eating, sleeping, exercising, talking, looking after himself, laughing, crying… No, he hadn’t really been crying despite all the pain he felt. It was just tearing him up inside, quietly. It was like his insides were being ripped up by an angered tiger.”

“Käytävästä kuului liikettä, eikä aikaakaan ennen kuin Gary ilmestyi portaiden päähän. Hän näytti niin pirteältä ja hyväntuuliselta, että olisi voinut kuvitella olevan keskipäivä ennemmin kuin keskiyö. Hän oli pukeutunut lyhyeen, mustaan nahkatakkiin ja kapealahkeisiin, mustiin farkkuihin ja näytti juuri siltä mitä olikin – maailmanluokan rock-tähdeltä. Kun hän kääntyi minua kohti, hänen kasvoilleen levisi ilkikurinen hymy. ”Hei, en tiennytkään, että pyjama voi olla noin seksikäs.”

“Inhosin aamuja Garyn kanssa. Väistämätön ero oli aina nurkan takana, ja vaikka sillä ei tuntunut olevan hänelle mitään merkitystä, minut valtasi aina katkera pettymys ja itseinho. Olin lakannut toivomasta ja unelmoimasta. Gary ei kuulunut minun maailmaani. Hän oli laulaja valtavan suosion saavuttaneessa rock-bändissä eikä missään nimessä aikonut asettua aloilleen puhelinkaupan myyjän kanssa. Tunteiden myllerryksessä minun oli aina vaikea keksiä sanottavaa. Gary ei sitä tosin näyttänyt kaipaavankaan. Hän oli täysin uppoutunut seuraamaan tapahtumia kadulla.”

“Gary ei koskaan lakannut olemasta rock-tähti, ei edes vapaapäivinään. Hän katosi pitkäksi aikaa vessaan, selvästi huolehtimaan tukastaan, ja pukeutui mustiin, kapealahkeisiin farkkuihin, joihin kuuluvasta punaisesta vyöstä roikkui kolme erilaista ketjua. Hänen t-paitansa oli täynnä vinoittaisia, punaisia ja mustia raitoja, ja hänen kenkänsä olivat suorastaan TV:stä tutut, punaiset tennarit. Oli vaikea sanoa, oliko Gary pukeutunut ja käyttäytynyt kuin rock-laulaja jo nuoresta pitäen, vai oliko hän vain omaksunut roolinsa niin hyvin, että ei osannut siitä luopua edes vapaa-aikanaan.”