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Don't Call Me Princess: Essays on Girls, Women, Sex, and Life

Book by Peggy Orenstein · 8 quotes · Consent, Clitoris, Girls Sexuality

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Don't Call Me Princess: Essays on Girls, Women, Sex, and Life Quotes

“We are learning to support girls as they 'lean in' educationally and professionally, yet in this most personal of realms, we allow them to topple. It's almost as if parents believe that if they don't tell their daughters that sex should feel good, they won't find out. And perhaps that's correct, they don't. Not easily anyway. But the outcome is hardly what adults could've hoped.”

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“The idea that there could be one solution to breast cancer- screening, early detection, some universal cure- is certainly appealing. All of us, those who fear the disease, those who live with it, our friends and families, the corporations who swath themselves in pink, wish it were true. Wearing a bracelet, sporting a ribbon, running a race, or buying a pink blender expresses our hopes and that feels good - even virtuous. But making a difference is more complicated than that.”

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“From the smoothness of their skin, the length of their hemlines, the banality of their song lyrics and sitcom plots, these young stars embody an ideal of teenage innocence that adults are grateful to embrace. For as many seasons as the illusion can be maintained they remain, at least on screen, uncomplicated, untroubled good girls on the verge of, but never actually awakening to, their sexuality. There is a lot of money to be made and a lot of parental anxiety to be tapped by walking that line. There is also a lot of fury unleashed at those who step across it. When young stars pose semi-nude or get caught drinking they threaten the notion that our own daughter's coming of age could be effortless. Suddenly the role models, who perpetuated that myth, become the vector of our fears. The betrayal feels personal and cuts deep.”

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“A researcher at the university of michigan found that, when asked to talk about good sex, college men are more likely than women to talk about pleasure while the women are more likely to use their partner's satisfaction to measure their own. It's not suprising that young women feel powerful when they feel 'hot'. It's presented to them over and over as a precondition to success. But the truth is that 'hot' tells girls that appearing sexually confident is more important than actually being confident. And because of that, as often as not, the confidence that hot confers comes off with their clothes.”

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“The statistics on sexual assault may have forced a national dialogue on consent but honest conversations between adults and teenagers about what happens after 'yes', discussions about ethics, respect, decision making, sensuality, reciprocity, relationship building, the ability to assert desires and set limits remain rare. And while we are more often telling children that both parties must agree unequivocally to a sexual encounter, we still tend to avoid the biggest taboo of all; women's capacity for, and entitlement to, sexual pleasure.”

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“Maybe learning to live with the question marks, recognizing that closure does not always occur, is all I really needed to do. I hadn't expected, coming from a world that fights to see life's beginnings in black and white, to be so comforted by a shade of gray. The notion of the water child made sense to me. What I had experienced was not a full life, nor was it a full death, but it was a real loss.”

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