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Shane Koyczan

Shane Koyczan Books

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“And what I said was I’ll miss you, What I meant to say was that I love you, What I wanted to say was that I meant what I said I miss you like I miss my own bed after too many nights of sleeping on couches or hardwood floors Or sitting silently behind the doors Of hotel rooms became wounds Breathing life in to this loneliness I miss you Like a burn victim must miss their own skin I miss you like a sad ending Must miss someplace new to begin Because some say that the highway becomes a flat line if you travel it for too long I can’t tell if that’s true or false, But I’m racing down it towards you trying to find my Pulse.”

LoveBeautifulPoetryPoemPulseShane KoyczanRemembrance Year
Book:Remembrance Year
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“I think of the beauty in the obvious, the way it forces us to admit how it exists, the way it insists on being pointed out like a bloody nose, or how every time it snows there is always someone around to say, “It’s snowing.” But the obvious isn’t showing off, it’s only reminding us that time passes, and that somewhere along the way we grow up. Not perfect, but up and out. It teaches us something about time, that we are all ticking and tocking, walking the fine line between days and weeks, as if each second speaks of years, and each month has years listening to forever but never hearing anything beyond centuries swallowed up by millenniums, as if time was calculating the sums needed to fill the empty belly of eternity. We so seldom understand each other. But if understanding is neither here nor there, and the universe is infinite, then understand that no matter where we go, we will always be smack dab in the middle of nowhere. All we can do is share some piece of ourselves and hope that it’s remembered. Hope that we meant something to someone. My chest is a cannon that I have used to take aim and shoot my heart upon this world. I love the way an uncurled fist becomes a hand again, because when I take notes, I need it to underline the important parts of you: happy, sad, lovely. Battle cry ballistic like a disaster or a lipstick earthquaking and taking out the monuments of all my hollow yesterdays. We’ll always have the obvious. It reminds us who, and where we are, it lives like a heart shape, like a jar that we hand to others and ask, “Can you open this for me?” We always get the same answer: “Not without breaking it.” More often than sometimes, I say go for it.”

Shane KoyczanRemembrance YearMore Often Than Sometimes
Book:Remembrance Year
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“(...) I don’t remember the way every song goes. I can’t recall ever y person I’ve met. I get names mixed up all the time. I’m terrible with birthdays. But I remember all the ways people have affected me. How our stories became memories. And if you were enough then you’re in there somewhere. Maybe it was a truth or dare kiss, Or a simple act of kindness, one that reminded me to remember this moment and mark it as a memory , so we could both have it to look back on. From this life, I’ve drawn conclusions so big, They can’t fit into the tiny comic book boxes, Because I don’t wanna risk losing the detail, Just so I can make the story fit. It’s not a trick. I remember how things felt. Which in turn makes me remember how things happened. (...) I’m pretty fantastic. It’s not magic. I remember because I make comparisons. Not in terms of better or worse, just different. And not all of these memories are great, but they’re mine. Which lends way to believe, That none of our lives are put together on an assembly line. We’re not pre-packaged with memories or programmed with stories. We have to make our own. (...)”

TomatoesShane KoyczanRemembrance Year
Book:Remembrance Year
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“(...) That winter you left me snow-blind trying to find enough details that would let you know that even though some people have perfect sight, those same people could try to paint you by numbers and they still wouldn't get you right. You were Monet number two and Van Gogh number 6, a mix tape of Hendrix and Leibowitz portraits. It makes no sense to me that we were ever together. And my makeshift weather reports were the closest I ever came to telling you how I felt. But you were a lover of the minuscule, you dealt best with details. Weighing our relationship on scales you balanced us out, and always made me feel needed. You always asked me what to wear, and I would stare at you as if for a second I wouldn't answer. Of course, I always did. Hid my affections, and my response: "wear that smile" I said. That one you wear when you see me. That one you wear to bed.”

Shane KoyczanRemembrance YearWeather Reports
Book:Remembrance Year
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“I’m not the only kid who grew up this way. Surrounded by people who used to say that rhyme about sticks and stones. As if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called, and we got called them all. So we grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us. That we’d be lonely forever. That we’d never meet someone to make us feel like the sun was something they built for us in their tool shed. So broken heart strings bled the blues as we tried to empty ourselves so we would feel nothing. Don’t tell me that hurts less than a broken bone.”

HurtLonelinessBullying
Book:To This Day: For the Bullied and Beautiful
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“Everyone knows pain. We are not meant to carry it forever. We were never meant to hold it so closely, so be certain in the belief that what pain belongs to now will belong soon to then. That when someone asks you how was your day, realize that for some of us - it's the only way we know how to say, be calm. Loosen your grip, opening each palm, slowly now - let go.”

KnowsWayPainCertainAsksBeliefRealizingKnow HowForeverLetting GoCalmOpeningPalms
Author:Shane Koyczan
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“And you are worth the time it takes to take the time to get to know you. We've managed to muttle through the awkward stage of i like you and you like me, but when we both finally said 'yes' life became a multiple choice test, not knowing anything we became each others best guess. and, holding your hand is less like exploration and more like discovery. lady, i don't have to study you to be sure. you're the choice i made before i knew what the other choices were”

KnowsMadeSaidHandsChoicesKnowingStudyStageLike YouDiscoveryTestsLike MeExplorationAwkwardNot KnowingMultipleI Like YouMultiple Choice
Author:Shane Koyczan
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“What I said was I’ll miss you what I meant to say was I love you what I wanted to say was that I meant what I said and it’s funny how all those things I could have said flooded my head after we said goodbye and I should have told you I’d be willing to hold you until my flesh crumbles into bone because I’m willing to die alone but god knows I don’t want to live that way.”

KnowsWayWantShouldSaidWantedDiesLove YouMissingWillingShould HaveBonesFleshGoodbyeGod KnowsWilling To DieI'll Miss You
Author:Shane Koyczan
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“I'm not the only kid who grew up this way, surrounded by people who used to say that rhyme about sticks and stones, as if broken bones hurt more than the names we got called, and we got called them all. So we grew up believing no one would ever fall in love with us, that we'd be lonely forever, that we'd never meet someone to make us feel like the sun was something they built for us in their toolshed. So broken heartstrings bled the blues, and we tried to empty ourselves so we'd feel nothing. Don't tell me that hurts less than a broken bone...”

PeopleIfsWayFeelsBelieveHeartKidsUsedFallNamesHurtSunForeverBrokenGrewGrew UpBuiltToolsStonesLonelyEmptySticksFalling In LoveBonesStringsShedRhymeSticks And StonesBroken BoneHeart Strings
Author:Shane Koyczan
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