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Sheila Matharu Biography

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“I completely agree. The crazy thing is that the current system only benefits the rich and those in power. We buy into their arguments, even when they contradict our direct experiences. We accept the unacceptable. Take Marduk. We live in one of the richest cities in the world, in a developed country, and yet we have one of the highest levels of inequality and homelessness. How strange that despite our wealth we should be so greedy!”

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Book:Darkness
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“The pursuit of wealth grants no friends. Perhaps, it is a lesson too many strive to learn on their own. One day, I looked at myself in the mirror and found someone much older but with few valuable memories to show for the elapsed time. I was alone. I started drinking. I lost everything. They say that we are all just three steps away from homelessness. They are right. I lost anyone who ever cared for me. I lost my mind. And I lost my money.” “I’m sorry for your losses…” offered Shane genuinely. “Don’t be sorry, kid. I do not regret my homelessness. It has taught me some important lessons. Instead, I regret the approach and decisions I took when I had money. I take pleasure in the small things now. Time is on my side. I do not expect you to understand it, but my life is longer than it was ever before.”

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Book:Darkness
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“As for everyone else, there have been cases when I have felt taken advantage of…when people have taken from me without giving back. I have felt wronged and have judged those people as unfair. And it has bothered me. I have asked myself: What should I do? Should I refrain from being generous? Should I change? And every time I have considered this, I have realised that there are certain situations, generally seen as difficult, sad, or unfair, that allow us to express our higher self. I aspire to be more than my biology. I can choose. I am endowed with reason. My death is certain and my time limited, but I can choose how to live. What would make me into someone I can be proud of, someone who counts among the heroes of my own life? Would it be a person who practises calculated goodness or one who strives to be good for its own sake? And if goodness is to be my demise, given that a demise is unavoidable, is it still not better to die loving than to succumb in any other way? …I don’t know…. I’m not sure I’ve made much sense…. I am still searching for the answers. All I have right now are glimpses and intuitions.”

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Book:Darkness
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“I saw him again after we broke up. He texted me that he missed me and I agreed to meet him. Though it had been less than two weeks, he looked so much older. I saw the lines, the tiredness—he was not as I remembered him. He looked almost ugly. I realised then that the spell had been broken. With the wisdom of hindsight, I know that he offered me neither love nor respect. He did not make me a better person, and the same is true of me. Our relationship was superficial. We ignored the aspects of each other’s lives, which made us uncomfortable.”

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Author:Sheila Matharu
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“I do not deny that, to most, homelessness is a curse. Just look at some of the people in this room. The smell of urine, alcohol, and dirt is overwhelming. They have lost their dignity. Winter is on the doorstep. No hygiene will lead to certain disaster! But I suppose that Marduk does not care for them any longer. In a world where life is measured in monetary terms, those with no earnings are at the bottom of the chain. Their life is worth nothing. There is something surreal about it, don’t you think?!” He paused chewing his bottom lip, lost in reflection. “And yet, even those with money are not much better off. This summer I spent my days in a park, watching the same people rush from the station to work every morning. I am certain that they do not notice the flowers bloom in spring and that, to them, most of the world is no more than a shadow. I used to be them once, but not anymore.” “Are you happy?” asked Shane without judgement, not wanting to make any assumptions. “Happy?! I don’t know. But I am free and I am alive. There are those who resent not being seen, and I suppose that our invisibility, compounded by the thousands of people who pass us on the street every day without looking into our eyes, is indeed a symptom of something being wrong with our society. But I do not mind it. I would rather be out of a system designed to enslave me. This is my pilgrimage; like a monk, I have abandoned my old life in search of myself.” He paused and studied Shane. “You are young, the road ahead of you is still long. Certain lessons can only be learned with experience.”

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Book:Darkness
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“I do not deny that, to most, homelessness is a curse. Just look at some of the people in this room. The smell of urine, alcohol, and dirt is overwhelming. They have lost their dignity. Winter is on the doorstep. No hygiene will lead to certain disaster! But I suppose that Marduk does not care for them any longer. In a world where life is measured in monetary terms, those with no earnings are at the bottom of the chain. Their life is worth nothing. There is something surreal about it, don’t you think?!”

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Book:Darkness
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“You know, there was a time when thoughts about the potential for evil within me would keep me awake at night. I became fully aware that there is no intrinsic difference between me and the killer, rapist, or thief—we are all human. There is more to them than the crime they have committed. They are not the flat monsters portrayed by the media. Discovering them to not be different from myself and understanding the existence of my own potential to commit evil inevitably revealed its possibility, anguishing me immensely. But things are better now. When I re-explore those thoughts, they do not fill me with the same negative emotions. We can be anything we want to be regardless of the darkness and light that co-exists within us…. We may not be able to control everything, but we can influence who we become and what we do…”

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Book:Darkness
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“I have always liked mornings when light brightens without warming, instrumental but not distracting. Seiya, on the other hand, prefers afternoons when energies run high and you are most easily engaged in what happens around you.” She paused to take a deep breath. “I had forgotten, but now that I remember, it seems just like yesterday. I remember Bowe telling me that she liked nights the most. She described them as the most forgiving time of day, the time when she felt most free to be herself…despite the fact that she was my best friend, I think I never quite understood Bowe as well as I thought. I remember she once told me that she felt like she did not belong to the world. It shocked me. I thought that she was exaggerating. Though I knew that she suffered from depression, I thought she was exaggerating…. I knew about the cutting but I thought it was just a phase and that she would soon grow out of it…but seeing Bowe again, finding her so thin and grey, I can’t help but wonder whether I was wrong…” she added absently. “Don’t be too hard on yourself, Sam. You know the people in your life better than you think. I have always thought that in life, at times, it is as if we were watching things through a pair of binoculars. Our vision is limited to what we see through the lenses. So much might be missed. Things that are actually quite small may appear disproportionately large. When in doubt, Shane and I have often turned towards the stars. They put our lives in perspective and remind us that measured on the scale of the universe our problems are not as big as they seem to be…. It helps us approach them more calmly.”

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Book:Darkness
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