“Can I play with the dolls now please Nan?” Caroline asked gently. “Yes with pleasure” nan replied. Caroline sat still for five minutes a little bit closer to our group playing cards and then gingerly said “where is it Nan?” As she clutched the one doll she’d been allowed to play with. “Where’s what?” Nan asked sighing like she'd been stopped mid way to picking up fifty pounds. “The pleasure?” Caroline replied innocently unaware of what it was she was saying. This story was retold by Nan many times when someone asked about Caroline to point out how unwell mentally she was and why she was under whichever punishment nan had designated for her at the time. Caroline had no mental problems. She had a stutter because she had been scared so much as a child. Unfortunately the story sums up how nan was with girls perfectly. There was no pleasure.” MemoirChild AbuseAdoptionAutobiographyViolence Against WomenPsychopathKillerFoster CareChild Abuse SurvivorsSister Bond Book:Tracie's Story: Care Abuse Love Murder Source: Tracie's Story: Care Abuse Love Murder
“The atmosphere inside was terrible. Brenda stared into the distance whenever I was around her and hardly spoke to me. Little Jim passed me in the hall “you shouldn’t have done that” he said without malice. Was he scared too? Why was everyone scared? What didn’t I know? I walked into the kitchen “Hi Brenda, what should I do now I’m late for tea?” I asked her honestly. “You can do whatever you choose Tracie” she said staring through the kitchen window. It kind of reminded me of my first memory of mum. I was shocked she sounded like she really didn’t care. She wasn’t even fake caring any more she just plain didn’t give a shit. “Thanks” I said and walked towards the living room where Caroline and Rita were sat. Rita got up and walked past me to go to bed. “What’s going on?” I said to Caroline. “We didn’t know where you were” she said shaking her head at me. Did nobody get it?” AdoptionAlcoholismHomelessnessKillerFoster CareBad FathersSurvivor StoriesAbuse StoriesKids In Care Book:Tracie's Story: Care Abuse Love Murder Source: Tracie's Story: Care Abuse Love Murder
“To this day I'll never know whether he planned to off me or was just getting a huge rise out of taking me back to where he killed my mother. Perhaps he intended to teach me a lesson and tie me up in the cave, gag me and leave me there for an hour to convince me he could kill me if he wanted to, or perhaps he was genuine and wanted to have a laugh and a joke around the caves in the only way he knew how - by being a complete idiot. I have no idea however at the time it all felt very real and his intentions about killing me genuine or not he was definitely getting a kick out of being back where he killed my mother.” MemoirAutobiographyMurdererWriting LifeAbuse SurvivorsKillerFoster CareMurderers MentalityAbuse Stories Book:Checkmate: Care Abuse Love Murder Source: Checkmate: Care Abuse Love Murder
“I wasn't going to school. I'd made the decision somewhere between him threatening to kill me and him trying to replace mum. I couldn't pinpoint the logic but I knew it had to be done. I was different and if he hit Cass I'd kill him.” Inspirational QuotesWinningThreateningKillerSurvivors Of AbuseAdoption StoryNot QuittingCare Order Book:Checkmate: Care Abuse Love Murder Source: Checkmate: Care Abuse Love Murder