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“Yet the thought of how it might be to be with a lover who knew me, who glimpsed all of the desires that lie within me, even the darkest ones, and accepted them and wanted to fulfil them, is something I have never allowed myself to imagine. And to know, truly know all that my lover wanted, and to feel that I gave it to them. There is something wonderful, and dangerous, and powerful, and exciting in that. Perhaps that is the way to make the excitement endure, not fade a little more with every sunrise.”

“I marvelled at the power and confidence each seemed to display; at the way they took from each other exactly what they desired, and gave with equal ardour. Their bodies seemed always to move in harmony, one with the other. There was never any awkwardness to their movements; never any uncertainty. They appeared to understand, without the need of speech, exactly what the other wanted and would do next, and so their movements flowed like a beautifully erotic piece of choreography.”

“I had thought that by giving myself so fully to a single fantasy, by indulging in it without restraint or hesitation, I would be cured of all fantasies, able to put them from my mind and go back to living a normal life, or to the image at least of how I imagined a normal life should be. The effect, however, was quite the opposite. Having freed myself from the fear of committing an act I had previously seen as taboo, I had not banished fantasy in general from my mind, but rather had fuelled it. Other, darker fantasies began to haunt me, more daring fantasies, more exciting and lascivious.”