“I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them.” KnowsWayLeftWishOld DaysGood Old Days Author:Ed Helms
“I love improv so much. Listening. I think that's the key. When you improvise, you put a lot of pressure on yourself to create, and to be generating information, and trying to be funny, but if you just listen to what's being said to you, and then react honestly, you generally get better results.” IfsThinkingTryingSaidResultsInformationKeysListeningPressureHonestlyGet BetterJust Listen Author:Rob Riggle
“I think audiences can relate to the guys I'm playing, those large-and-in-charge idiots. Or maybe I just make them feel better about who they are, or who they're dating.” ThinkingFeelsGuyAudienceDatingRelateIdiotFeel Better Author:Rob Riggle
“Happy birthday to former First Lady Barbara Bush, who turned seventy-seven this week. Unfortunately, where her granddaughters helped blow out the candles on her cake, it exploded.” FirstsWeekSevenBlowFormerCakeCandleSeventiesFirst LadyBarbaraGranddaughter Author:Craig Kilborn
“In Massachusetts, scientists have created the first human clone. The bad thing is that in thirty years, the clone will still be depressed because the Boston Red Sox will still have not won a World Series.” WorldYearsFirstsHumansStillsRedScientistSeriesThirtyBad ThingsBostonThirty YearsMassachusettsWorld SeriesBoston Red Sox Author:Craig Kilborn
“New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut.” KnowsGivingPresidentCuttingTaxesDollarsBillionsPlanningSaddamHusseinCastlesRumorPresident BushTax CutsLibyaNukes Author:Craig Kilborn
“President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up.” KnowsMenWorldWarEarthLastsNightPresidentPowerfulLeaderSupportCallingPicksIraqMost PowerfulLast NightPresident BushYellingWorld LeaderPowerful Man Author:Craig Kilborn
“The big political news, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's running for governor of California, and already, people are chanting, 'Four more vowels, four more vowels.” PeopleBigsRunningPoliticalFourNewsCaliforniaGovernorsChantingSchwarzeneggerVowels Author:Craig Kilborn
“It's weird watching President Bush struggle with excuses for why we went to war. As he struggles, it reminds us all what a terrific liar Bill Clinton really was.” WarPresidentStruggleBillsClintonExcuseLiarsTerrificPresident Bush Author:Craig Kilborn
“Apparently, six women claim that Arnold Schwarzenegger groped them while working on his movies. Hats off to these women who admit they worked on Arnold's movies.” SixClaimsHatsSchwarzeneggerHats Off Author:Craig Kilborn
