Home / Quotes / Quote by Mitch Hedberg

Quote by Mitch Hedberg

“How does a sesame seed stick to a bun? That's magical. There must be some sesame seed glue out there. Either that or they're adhesive on one side. Peel off the backing, place it on the bun.”

Quote by Mitch Hedberg

Author

Mitch Hedberg was an American comedian born on February 24, 1968. He was known for his unique humor style and insightful observations. Hedberg's career was brief, but he left a lasting impression in the comedy world with his witty sarcasm and humorous wisdom. more

You May Also Like

“There was a product on late night TV that you could attach to your garden hose - "You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this." Who would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean. I know you need water, but I'm going to make you hard to reach. "Think like a cactus!"”

Thinking Knows Needs Mean Hard Humor Seems Funny Night Water Tvs Products Late Garden Plant Late Night Very Mean Cactus

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable.”

Ifs Humor Would Be Funny Walking Sidewalk Walkers

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.”

People Thinking Humor Funny Animal Taste Crackers Animal Crackers

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, but now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips.”

Littles Home Humor Wanted Funny Names Bits Little Bit Negative Clean Cheese Chips Sponges Tortillas

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“I walked by a dry cleaner at 3 am, and there was a sign: "Sorry, we're closed" You don't have to be sorry, it's 3 am, and you're a dry cleaner! It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open! I'm not gonna walk in at 10 am and say "I walked by here at 3 and you were closed - somebody owes me an apology!"”

Humor Would Be Funny Walks Sorry Ridiculous Dry Apology Cleaners Dry Cleaners

Author:Mitch Hedberg

“Love exalts as much as glory does.”

Book:Juliette Drouet's Love-Letters to Victor Hugo : Edited with a Biography of Juliette Drouet

Source: Juliette Drouet's Love-Letters to Victor Hugo : Edited with a Biography of Juliette Drouet

“We exaggerate the glory of some men in order to detract from that of others.”

Men Order Glory

Author:Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“Friends, I agree with you in Providence; but I believe in the Providence of the most men, the largest purse, and the longest cannon.”

Men Believe I Believe Religious Agree I Believe In Providence Purses Cannons

Book:An autobiography of Abraham Lincoln: consisting of the personal portions of his letters, speeches and conversations

Source: An autobiography of Abraham Lincoln: consisting of the personal portions of his letters, speeches and conversations

“We are pantheists when we study nature, polytheists when we write poetry, monotheists in our morality.”

Writing Religious Study Morality

Author:Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“So oft in theologic wars, The disputants, I ween, Rail on in utter ignorance Of what each other mean, And prate about an Elephant Not one of them has seen!”

Mean War Religious Ignorance Elephants Rail

Book:The Poems of John Godfrey Saxe

Source: The Poems of John Godfrey Saxe